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The nightmare continues...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 452494" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>When you start to beat yourself up for not letting him come home, stop and think about what his life would be like after he killed or maimed you. I am speaking from experience - this helped me greatly after I insisted my difficult child go live elsewhere. I have nerve damage in my left hand from one of his rages - which I do NOT NOT NOT blame him for. It is simply something that happened because he was sick - in my mind. It was almost 8 yrs ago that it happened and it still makes Wiz feel awful to see that the hand hurts me at times. He will now rub it gently, even give it a kiss to "make it better" (like you do with a child - he does it to me now and then when it hurts and it always stuns me because he NEVER does that and hasn't since he was 8 or 9). </p><p></p><p>I took a long hard look at what happens to teens who kill their parents in our state, back whne he was so violent with us. He would have ended up in a specific juvie prison that is well known for having a scarily high mortality rate of inmates. That is NOT what I wanted for him. I also am quite sure that he would have killed himself or made many attempts over his life and I didn't want that either. </p><p></p><p>By getting my difficult child out of our home I changed his life and gave him a positive future. He got help, not as much as I wanted but enough to make him see that he had to turn his life around, he was safe and physically fine. THAT is what I wanted for him, NOT life in first the juvie jail and then the big boy prison that he would have gotten in our state (we charge scarily young people as adults here in OK - I think we even gave a twelve year old a life sentence at one point! or at least the state tried to do this a few years back).</p><p></p><p>So stop and think about difficult child's future if you bring him home and if you don't. Then each time that guilt tries to come up and clobber you, clobber it back with the knowledge that you are trying to give your son a future outside of a prison.</p><p></p><p>You really are doing the right thing. Have you called your doctor to get some medications to help YOU?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 452494, member: 1233"] When you start to beat yourself up for not letting him come home, stop and think about what his life would be like after he killed or maimed you. I am speaking from experience - this helped me greatly after I insisted my difficult child go live elsewhere. I have nerve damage in my left hand from one of his rages - which I do NOT NOT NOT blame him for. It is simply something that happened because he was sick - in my mind. It was almost 8 yrs ago that it happened and it still makes Wiz feel awful to see that the hand hurts me at times. He will now rub it gently, even give it a kiss to "make it better" (like you do with a child - he does it to me now and then when it hurts and it always stuns me because he NEVER does that and hasn't since he was 8 or 9). I took a long hard look at what happens to teens who kill their parents in our state, back whne he was so violent with us. He would have ended up in a specific juvie prison that is well known for having a scarily high mortality rate of inmates. That is NOT what I wanted for him. I also am quite sure that he would have killed himself or made many attempts over his life and I didn't want that either. By getting my difficult child out of our home I changed his life and gave him a positive future. He got help, not as much as I wanted but enough to make him see that he had to turn his life around, he was safe and physically fine. THAT is what I wanted for him, NOT life in first the juvie jail and then the big boy prison that he would have gotten in our state (we charge scarily young people as adults here in OK - I think we even gave a twelve year old a life sentence at one point! or at least the state tried to do this a few years back). So stop and think about difficult child's future if you bring him home and if you don't. Then each time that guilt tries to come up and clobber you, clobber it back with the knowledge that you are trying to give your son a future outside of a prison. You really are doing the right thing. Have you called your doctor to get some medications to help YOU? [/QUOTE]
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