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General Parenting
The one where a family member crosses the line with "opinions" about your difficult child...
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<blockquote data-quote="Angela41" data-source="post: 543096" data-attributes="member: 14703"><p>We deal with this constantly- unless someone has a difficult child of their own, they just won't understand. One time I was at the mall standing with a bunch of other women and small children. My son threw a tantrum that was so extreme that by the time we paused for breath, all of the other mom's completely deserted us out of embarrassment- I was standing completely alone with my enraged child. </p><p></p><p>My mother says things like "if it were me, I would spank him" or "I wouldn't let him act like that" or "he wouldn't have gotten away with that if he had grown up with my dad..." just on and on. </p><p>Well, spanking him didn't work and just made us all feel awful, if I could instantly stop him from acting like that I would, and we are not letting him "get away" with anything, but he has to calm down before we can discuss consequences. </p><p></p><p>I've even had well-meaning friends suggest that I am contributing to the problem. Yes, I admit it, I am not perfect. I get anxious about difficult child's behaviors and sometimes overreact. Sometimes, I get plain mad and raise my voice. I've even been overly authoritarian in my consequences, because I have reached the frayed end of the last part of my rope and hoped that a serious punishment might get his attention (it didn't). Yes, there have been times that I have escalated the issue, but there have been many more times when I have reacted calmly and still had significant problems with my kiddo. </p><p></p><p>My thought is don't give much weight anyone but a teacher, a therapist or your supportive significant other (emphasis on supportive, not head buried in the sand). These are the only people who spend enough time or have the expertise. Oh, and listen to your gut. Mine told me that things weren't quite "right" about the age of 2. Another friend with a difficult child (I am fortunate to have a good friend in this boat) or supportive forums like this one, can be a God Send, even if it's just for a good cry or vent. </p><p></p><p>Uninvited opinions can be dealt with politely..."I know that you are concerned and want the best for difficult child. He/she faces significant challenges that we are working with "experts" to help him/her overcome. We are doing what is recommended and what we know to be right. Thanks for being caring, but we've got it."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Angela41, post: 543096, member: 14703"] We deal with this constantly- unless someone has a difficult child of their own, they just won't understand. One time I was at the mall standing with a bunch of other women and small children. My son threw a tantrum that was so extreme that by the time we paused for breath, all of the other mom's completely deserted us out of embarrassment- I was standing completely alone with my enraged child. My mother says things like "if it were me, I would spank him" or "I wouldn't let him act like that" or "he wouldn't have gotten away with that if he had grown up with my dad..." just on and on. Well, spanking him didn't work and just made us all feel awful, if I could instantly stop him from acting like that I would, and we are not letting him "get away" with anything, but he has to calm down before we can discuss consequences. I've even had well-meaning friends suggest that I am contributing to the problem. Yes, I admit it, I am not perfect. I get anxious about difficult child's behaviors and sometimes overreact. Sometimes, I get plain mad and raise my voice. I've even been overly authoritarian in my consequences, because I have reached the frayed end of the last part of my rope and hoped that a serious punishment might get his attention (it didn't). Yes, there have been times that I have escalated the issue, but there have been many more times when I have reacted calmly and still had significant problems with my kiddo. My thought is don't give much weight anyone but a teacher, a therapist or your supportive significant other (emphasis on supportive, not head buried in the sand). These are the only people who spend enough time or have the expertise. Oh, and listen to your gut. Mine told me that things weren't quite "right" about the age of 2. Another friend with a difficult child (I am fortunate to have a good friend in this boat) or supportive forums like this one, can be a God Send, even if it's just for a good cry or vent. Uninvited opinions can be dealt with politely..."I know that you are concerned and want the best for difficult child. He/she faces significant challenges that we are working with "experts" to help him/her overcome. We are doing what is recommended and what we know to be right. Thanks for being caring, but we've got it." [/QUOTE]
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The one where a family member crosses the line with "opinions" about your difficult child...
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