The other shoe dropped

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Jun 29, 2009.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I just got the call I was so hoping would never come again.

    Cory is in jail. Again.

    This time for 220 days. Not even in my county.

    He got a ticket about a month and a half ago for driving with no license. He was pulled over because his brights were on. No other reason. The reason he was driving was that everyone else in the car was too sleepy to drive so he took the wheel. Stupid of him.

    He showed up in court today like he was supposed to and like his probation officer had told him to do because his PO knows about these tickets. The judge revoked his probation. This is in another county from where we live. They didnt even call his PO or anything...just revoked him.

    Someone told Mandy that it "might help" if we got him a lawyer but I cant see how it could. I dont have that kind of money anyway.

    There is also some talk about a bail bondsman and something about $1500. Uhhhh no again.

    I think the 220 days is all he has left of his sentence. That sounds about right to me.

    I just dont think paying out anymore money is going to do a bit of good at this point in time. I told Mandy to call his PO and talk to him. He is probably the best one to know what to do at this point. I certainly have no experience in this matter. I mean he is already adjudicated. Its not like he is waiting to go to court!
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2009
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I agree, Janet. And you sure don't want to entertain the idea of bail after the last time.

    Good advice.

    I'm so sorry.

  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I cant see what good bail would do...or even why bail would be considered? He isnt in jail for an upcoming charge which is what I thought bail was for. Or I guess I have heard of bail used when you have been found guilty but are awaiting sentencing but that is for rather rich folks and that is so not

    He was found guilty a long time ago on the charges he was revoked on...and I am assuming he plead guilty today to driving without license.

    Cant see where bail would be involved myself. Or a lawyer!

    Do you know how guilty I feel about charging him with all those felonies now? I keep telling myself I had to do it but there is that lil niggling part of me that says...oh if only you hadnt done it, he wouldnt be in this big of a mess. I keep stomping that part down.
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm stomping with you. You did not make the choices Cory made. This is not your fault. He is a big boy now, and he will learn to handle his issues without you. Look forward to Ohio. Get your mind on something else. Hugs...from a mom who understands.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. He has been working so hard. Hopefully this will firm his resolve and when he gets out he will work extra hard to not break the law.

    At least he should have no more probation/parole (I am not sure I know the difference, if there is a difference) hanging over his head.

    Don't you DARE feel guilty about pressing charges. You had NO CHOICE but to do that. At this point the time he serves is because HE make a choice that was stupid.

    He KNEW he had no license. Rather that stopping to take a short nap, he CHOSE to drive with-o a license. He KNEW it was a violation and that he could be revoked if caught.

    Cory has had more chances to stay out of jail than anyone I have ever heard of. It amazed me when he got to stay out on the ankle monitor. He is in jail now because he took all those "second" chances to stay out of jail as a sign that he could do whatever he wanted to do and it would never catch up with him. That he chose to drive while suspended AFTER he got a "free pass" basically for selling Tony's gun even though he was a felon, well, he for dang sure knew what he was doing.

    I would even bet there is a note of some kind in his records that selling the gun was to be his LAST chance. Period. Too bad he didn't see it as a sign that he needed to start following the law. Because that is what it was. But he probably saw it as "I am untouchable" instead.

    Sooner or later it catches up with you, no matter what you do. That is just the way it is.

    I am sorry for your sake, because I know you worry about him. You are his mom, that is what you are supposed to do. But do not EVER take responsibility for him going to jail. You are not stupid and that would be a really stupid thing to do. (I do NOT use the word stupid lightly or casually.)

    Write him letters, maybe put some money on account so he can get some snacks or make phone calls if you are feeling generous. Send in books if he is allowed those.

    Just leave the responsibility for this at Cory's door. NOT YOURS.

    Can Keyana stay with you or Mandy during the times Cory is supposed to have her? She shouldn't miss out on seeing all of you just because he is not there. At the very least will keyana's mom let you babysit to give her a break now and then?

    Sending lots of love and support.

  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would be more upset over the driving if it was something that was not so common here. Probably 40% of the population here drives without a license. I really dont know why its so high here. I know he shouldnt have done it. He knew he shouldnt have done it. He cant get a license for many more years and it isnt for a bad reason like DUI or speeding. Its for failing to appear for a stupid seatbelt ticket. It all spiralled from that. Now Mandy is in the same position. I dont know what her original ticket was for but she got scared and failed to show up for court and blah blah blah. The spiral begins. No one has a license but you live 10 miles from town and you have to get places because there is no other way to do so. We live in the boonies and have no public transportation. If you want to work or get food or go to the have to drive.

    Maybe I just dont look at things as black and white as other people. I think he has been doing so well as far as keeping on the pretty legal side of the law. If we really took a good look at what any of us do on a daily basis we might find that we break the law every day without thinking about it. A mile or two over the speed limit, drifting over the center lane.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Janet, personaly I'm a lead foot and I know it. I balled out the only cop who managed to pull me over. (usually I'm going too fast) I think I only got away with a warning cuz maybe I reminded him of his mother. lol I mean I ripped him a new one. I admitted to the speeding part, but don't accuse me of not wearing my seatbelt. I don't take it well. lol

    I don't see what the fuss is all about. Not lilke he did anything serious. Not like he was out joy riding or something. Actually he was acting responsibly. sheesh. Ok so no, maybe he shouldn't have done it without a license, but honestly I'd rather have a live kid in jail than a dead kid who let people who were too sleepy drive the car.

    I think you gave Mandy sound advice. Perhaps if she explains to his PO in your county, PO will speak to that county.....and maybe Cory can get off with a fine or something.

    You know what irks me? All those times the kid was in trouble and he seemed to slide thru the cracks. Once he's got his act together........wham! Then they decide he needs to be in jail. Idiots.

    Like there, most people around here drive without a license. Can't say I've actually heard of someone being locked up for it though.

    Keep stuffing it down Janet. You had to do it at the time, you know it, we all know it. And we know it was one of the hardest things you've ever had to do. Even Cory himself knows it.

    (((hugs))) I hope Mandy can at least get some info. Keep us updated.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Get this, HIS PO is ticked He told Mandy he would have never violated Cory because Cory has tried so hard to turn it around...sigh.

    His advice is to wait until Cory gets another court date and see what happens. He really thinks that Cory will be transferred within the next few days to our local state prison camp that is right here in the city. It is much better than being in county. I dont know if he will have to go to processing or if they have a processing center in that camp. Or maybe that unit is just for short timers. I just dont know but PO seems fairly certain that is where Cory will be. I hope so.
  9. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry, Janet. I know the "guilt" is nagging.. but you did NOTHING wrong. Cory made his choices.

    My Oldest is currently driving a friend's car, from what I'm told.. with a suspended license. I hear they can actually impound his car if she gets pulled. Who knows what they'd do to her. I'm trying not to think about it... not my problem. But that's for my own post...
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Janet, I agree that it is an overreaction to lock him up. But it might get him through his time with-o any more stuff added on to it. personally I have been hit 3 times by drivers with suspended licenses, once while PREGNANT. Never have any of them been held responsible for any damages because insurance won't pay if you have no license. Luckily I was in a volvo for 2 of the accidents. They are tanks and are much harder to damage than any other car I have had.

    I guess I see it as the system catching up to him. Sooner or later if you take enough chances it happens. I know a lot of people who live outside of town and use bicycles even if they are ten or more miles from town. It isn't easy, but it is a way to keep out of jail.

    Cory had to know the odds were against him continuing to slide. I truly hope his PO can help him. But maybe it will teach him that he needs to pay attention to the laws because otherwise the stuff he skated on can catch up to him.

    I truly hope and pray this doesn't send him spiraling again. I do not want him to be in jail, or in trouble of any kind. I am sorry this caught up to him. But maybe it is the way things are handled if they think the judges in 1 county are too inclined to let people slide then the judges in another county are harder on them. I don't know, but I know enough lawyers to know it is very possible.

    Hugs to all of you.
  11. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm sorry, Janet. He has been working so hard and this is so stupid.

    FWIW, difficult child 2 got taken in for an extremely stupid probation violation. Unfortunately, it took 4 cops to get him there. Sigh...

    It seems like they can't win for losing not matter how hard they try.

  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    That really hoovers, Janet. I hope that at the very least he will be closer to home.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Janet, I just re-read what I had posted. I am sorry. I sound really judgemental and unsympathetic.

    I think I was trying to point out that in the past he did some big things and kept skating with-o any huge court problems. He got probation, or fines, and some smaller sentences, but for the really big things he kept getting another chance.

    After all those chances, to be slapped in jail over this does seem unfair. The system is terribly inconsistent - maybe that is part of the criminal problem in this country? NOT saying he is "criminal" just saying the system makes no sense and makes most situations worse.

    Anyway, I did NOT mean to criticize or sound cold hearted or like I thought this was fitting or something deserved.

    If it had happened when he pawned Tony's gun it would have made more sense. If it had happened to the neighbors who broke into your home it would have made sense. Sadly, it never makes sense.

    Many hugs and big apology!
  14. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Well carp. I'm so sorry Janet. I know that technically he broke the law and it was all his choice but ......I don't know. The whole thing just sounds so stupid. It doesn't sound like he drove without a license to thumb his nose at the cops....just something he should have though twice about.

    I hope things work out for the best....whatever that may be....and that at least he gets moved closer to where you guys are. Hang in there. HUGS.
  15. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Aw cripes.

    But don't for one minute, beat yourself up for your decisions in this. If I recall correctly, if YOU hadn't pressed charges, he would have kept right on charging down the path he was on, and THEN where would he be.

    As it stands, he has 220 days. Had you not pressed charges, he might be looking at a WHOLE LOT WORSE.

    Tho I agree, this is bogus. Sending you and Cory both prayers.
  16. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aww, Janet, I am so sorry. Having Cory in jail must be horrible for you but you know deep down that you did the right thing when you pressed charges. You couldn't let him go on stealing from you whenever he wanted to and it wouldn't have stopped unless you took drastic action.

    Maybe it won't be as long as you think. Cory always seems to find a way to get out of things.

  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It isnt what it was told to me. Shows I shouldnt listen to irate idiots without getting facts from the horses mouth.

    I entirely too tired to post the whole thing right now but come back in the morning and tell the whole thing...I promise. Now I just need sleep. Sigh.
  18. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sleep well...sending hugs.
  19. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Janet, I hope you got some quality sleep. And we're here whenever you wake up!
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Okay, Im awake

    Alrighty then here is the real story from the horses mouth so to speak. The horse being Cory of course, of course. (For those of us old enough to remember Mr. Ed)

    They didnt revoke his probation...he was sentenced on a driving while license revoked. I guess we can see where a dimwit would get the two confused because both have the word "revoked" in there. I am struggling to understand how said dimwit got it confused but Okay.

    It was never 220 days it was 120 days.

    He appealed this conviction which is why he got a bond set and this was on the advice of his PO so he could get his 2 other tickets combined with this one and just serve one fell swoop of time instead bits and dribbles from 3 cases. Makes sense. Eventually he will have to serve some time but it will be in a doctor setting. He actually said this jail in this other county was plush. He said it was much nicer than our local jail, they have little pods with cable tv, nice beds and they bring you much bigger and better meals. So if you have to go to jail in NC, Columbus County is the place to go!

    But for right now, he is out until he can get this lawyer to consolidate these cases and set up the appeal. I have no idea how that will work.

    As a side note: Mandy is such a dimwit. Cory had called and set up the bond with this one guy named XXX. He called me to have me call him and make arrangments with that guy to come to the jail to get him out. It was only going to be $1000 with $700 down and Cory could pay the rest off over time. Well they guy made arrangments with me to call and meet him there at 7pm. I called Mandy and told her all this including the guys name and told her I had just talked to Cory. I go over to her house and she told me she had just talked to the guy and we would be meeting him at 6. I said really? He told me 7? She said yeah, he said he would be there at 6. Ok...whatever. I said, its XXX right? Yep. Ok.

    Turns out Mandy called YYY, instead of XXX. YYY wanted $1500 instead of the $1000. I didnt know it was YYY because god knows I dont know bail bondsmen by name or sight! I just assumed she got it right. I mean how could you not when I had called and set it up right? By the time I found out it was the wrong man Cory was already out and all the papers were signed! She is so stupid!

    And get this...she kept telling me that all this is Corys fault, that is isnt mature, that he isnt grown up, that he doesnt take responsibility, that its time for him to act like he has some sense and be a man. He is the one (or we have) who has fed her, clothed her, kept a roof over her head, supported her...blah blah blah. Her little very part time Domino's jobs may have paid to get her hair and nails done.

    When she said that to me....I asked her...uhhhh Mandy, when are your court dates for your assorted tickets? She didnt answer me.

    She just continues to drive various cars knowing full well she has no license. She even drove to the jail last night. Cory rode home with