The other shoe dropped...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearthope, Jul 7, 2007.

  1. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    difficult child called easy child this morning, he was sharing his great fortune of finding his uncle (drug dealer) in Atlanta and now he and his old difficult child buddy he got into all kinds of trouble with are "living large" in the ATL.

    HHMM... yesterday was the day for him to pay the court, I believe he decided to skip town.

    If I understand correctly, both of them are on probation and both are not suppose to leave the county.

    I have not talked with his po in a while (detaching from the whole thing) I have not spoken to the mom of the other difficult child since the two of them ran from the cops after flipping my car.

    He is just determined to destroy any future he could possibly have....
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thud! I'm sorry. DDD
  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    his bottom may be deep but it will not be endless.
    hang in.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well how is that for a fine kettle of fish!

    Hope he likes it in Hotlanta.

    Will Uncle support him and his habits along with this other difficult child? Gotta love dysfunctional family! Wonder if C realizes that warrants cross state lines? I keep telling mine that those "good ole boy" jails down there in some of those tiny backwoods southern towns make our jails look downright progressive! He could get lost for years before anyone finds out where he I do attempt scare tactics on mine.

    Oh well...guess you can make a phone call come monday morning and put a bug in the PO's ear that her charge has gone on the lam.

    Mine has 9 lives. He had a warrant out because he missed a court date because he misread the date. He messed up the number 12 for 21. We didnt even realize it until the bailbondsmen called. So for the last 3 weeks he has been dodging the law while trying to catch up with the judge to get the warrant revoked. He got it revoked yesterday! Nice judges we have here huh? He told the judge he was out of town Cory actually has his probation that allows him to leave the state to work! Can you believe that?
  5. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Monday I will go to see po. I haven't talked to her in a while and I need to talk to her in person.

    It is sad, yet he needs the wake-up call.

    He has gotten away with so many things, so many times.

    The times before when he was awol it was just me and my mom calling and begging for help to find him before something terrible happened, I bet it will be different now.

    I will find out monday if there are more charges applied to his case because not only did he not pay, but he is in another state.

    He will go to adult jail this time.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adult jail may be the best thing that happens to him. If they actually follow through with the threats. That has been the bane of my existence. The courts threaten but never follow through.

    I would bet money that if he actually does get any time it wont be a long stint in jail and it may give him a little while to think things through. It could also give him the time to detox off whatever he is using. It wouldnt be the best way to detox but you take what you can get. At least you would know where he was and that he wasnt running all over Atlanta being used as a drug runner. That would be my greatest fear. Lord the trouble he could get into without even realizing what he is doing.

    I hope Dumb and Dumber get their behinds home!
  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    So sorry that he continues to make unwise, dangerous choices. It seems to be the roadmap for difficult children. Mine spent +23 days in adult jail, and it seems to have helped some. I hope he gets the help he needs soon.
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I'm sorry that your mommy heart is hurting.

    I am praying that the end is in sight.

    Gentle hugs and prayers being sent your way.
  9. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Thanks for the comments you all1

    I am grasping at the sucess stories from men that have done a stint in prison...that is all I can hold on to now.

    I am scared to death for his safety, both with his uncle and when he gets caught. I have debated today on finding the # for his uncle and giving him a piece of my mind for taking them in.

    I knew was was coming. There was no way he could pay 200 every two weeks with his lifestyle.

    I am okay. I have prepared myself for this, I just had no idea he would run to Atlanta.

    I am so thankful, yet again, to have you all to share this with.

    Who else do I have to turn to with all my cares and hurts? No one person that I know could understand what a mom heart goes thru with a difficult child... :flower:
  10. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I want to add this for the readers ( the lukers that don't post)

    My son had a bright future. He was raised with love and faith.

    He had a huge heart, he was the kid that found injured animals and nursed them back to health and gave them a home. He loved his mom and sis with all his heart and was an outstanding athlete.

    He was a joy to be around and was loved by everyone that met him.

    Then one day he experimented with drugs and alcohol.........
  11. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    I'm so sorry your difficult child is making such poor choices.

    Addiction is an awful ugly monster.

    (((sunny hugs))) for your hurting heart.
  12. KFld

    KFld New Member


    I'm so sorry. I hope he does get caught soon so he can receive the help he needs.
  13. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    I'm sorry this is happening, hearthope.

    I WOULD call the addicted uncle. Ask him to talk to your son about potential, and about the chances this uncle has thrown away. If the uncle has been in this lifestyle for awhile, he will have had several missed opportunities to think about, whether he admits it to his extended family or not.

    You have nothing to lose by contacting that uncle.

    Waiting for our children to come back is so hard.

    Prepare for your son to come home, for how you will respond to him in a healthy way. We were always so shocked at the condition our son was in when he finally fell far enough to come home again that it was like we were frozen in place. If I could have known enough then to tell him that as surely as he chose to take his life this far down, he could choose, and had the power, to take it just as far in a positive direction, that is what I would have said. If I had known better then, I would have told our son (as we finally did learn to tell him) that we would never help him destroy himself. And that as long as he was using, as long as he refused treatment or at least therapy, we found it too painful to see him.

    And that is the truth.

    Once we make it through all the conflicted emotional baggage, that is the truth of it.

    Waiting is hard, but educate and make yourself and your family strong enough, in this time, to help your son when he does finally come home.


    PS I have been having computer problems. I have been reading along, but have been unable to post. But I found an old password? And was able to register under my first registration.
    HA! I am happy about that! :smile:
  14. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I realized when I got that first phonecall from him that I was not prepared to even talk to him.

    husband and I have no course of action thought out for when the time comes that he will want help from us.

    Being on the run now and facing jail time for doing so, I do have time to come up with some course of action.

    If he is ready for change, I will help him in anyway, but he can no longer live here.

    When difficult child sought out his biodad, that gave him a place to stay while he was running from us and the police, his advice to my son was to run to Atlanta and live with his bro. Your mom and the police won't find you there!

    I have spoken to difficult child about this in the past, before things got so bad. When I said what I thought about the uncle and how he lives at that time difficult child agreed with me. Him making the choice to run there lets me know just how bad it has gotten with him.

    These people (biodad,his mom and family) live in a different world. They think they are helping the situation by showing my son how to escape his responsbilties. This is yet another reason I kept my children away from them all in the past.

    I am the mean mom that shunned them and I even had my own son put in jail, they are helping him escape my wrath.

    After all we have been thru I get the feeling it has only just begun....
  15. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Gentle hugs and prayers for your peace.

    You are a very strong warrior mom.

    A few extra hugs for easy child. This has to be tough for her too.
  16. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    :flower: thank you for the warm thoughts BBK!
  17. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>Hearthope,
    I am so sorry he has chosen this way to deal with his problems. I just hope he doesn't get into bigger problems in Atlanta. I don't know the situation with the uncle, but I think I would stay out of it. This is his kettle of fish to to speak. Your involvement won't really help or hinder. When asked direct questions answer truthfully, if PO calls you, you can say he has an uncle in Atlanta, but you don't really know if he is there.

    Don't be surprised if nothing happens with probation....most are pretty lax in follow thru. His non payment will remain on the books, but they probably won't go to Atlanta to look for him. The funny thing is they even think if they go to jail the "debt" will be forgiven, it won't...they go to jail and still owe all the money.....

    I really don't get probation fees either....they think felons just getting out of jail will pay probation fees....even when they can't find jobs? Interesting system......

    I know your pain, I bet you never thought you would have a child who had a "record"......</span>

  18. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    No, never did I dream my son would be where he is.....

    I have had the weekend to think about all of this.

    In no way am I disrespecting the mom of the difficult child that is with my son, but when I had dealings with her in the past I had to step away because her every waking hour is consumed by her son. She called me before I went to work because she had heard "this", she called me at work because she had heard "that", etc.

    I know that the po and the sherriff's office already know the story of where the boys are from her.

    I am totally detaching from the situation. I am protecting myself from the feelings that come with getting involved in my son's destruction. I can't change what has happened. I won't drive to Atlanta searching for him. I don't have any more info for the po other than he called his sis and said he was with his uncle. I would be asked to investigate and see if I could find him, that is what has happened every time in the past.

    I was the one that couldn't sleep, I was the one that was consumed with worry and fear. I was the one addicted to finding him and fixing him.

    I have done all I can do. I have to take care of myself. What happens will happen without my involvement.

    I won't call or see the po tomorrow.

    I can only change myself, so I am taking a leap and trying to change myself and keep detaching...
  19. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Why do these kids think they are above the law? Why do they they think if they run and hide it will go away? Hind site, I was always there to rescue him.