The other shoe finally dropped

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Aug 27, 2010.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, I knew difficult child was being too perfect to be real. He didn't have a meltdown when we transitioned from camp. He has been getting himself up and dressed every a.m. for school. He only had a minor pouting session when we explained the school/computer/football schedule to him, and how homework has to come first.
    So, two nights ago, after husband and I had gone out to dinner our date night, husband disappeared for a min, then came back to the table and said,"B4 you leave the table, I need you to tell me about this."
    He put an extremely bent flathead screwdriver on the table.
    "I found this in easy child's door."

    Argh. It was wedged in there so tightly, husband had a hard time getting it out.

    Sheesh. You'd think difficult child would have been a little more persistent trying to get it out so he wouldn't get caught. Pretty d*mn obvious.

    difficult child stared at the table, at the floor, anywhere except at the screwdriver. (This is one of the techniques our therapist taught us: put the item in front of difficult child, don't let him leave the room until he talks about it. Meanwhile, Mom and Dad have to be totally silent, except an occasional prompt every few min, like "'I don't know' isn't an answer. Try again." Or, "I need an answer." The dr told us it could last for hrs, but we've never had it take more than 20 min. The more we do it, the shorter it gets. Now we're down to about 1 min.)
    husband gave difficult child the choice of his own punishment. After quite some time, difficult child decided to ground himself off of all electronic equipment.
    He left the room quietly, sulking, but didn't yell or blame us. Whew!
    husband said, privately, he was really proud of difficult child. He admitted what he did (tried to do), came up with-his own punishment, and didn't have a meltdown. The next afternoon and night, he never begged to negotiate.
    Maybe some of this work is paying off?
    Now, to get difficult child to quit sneaking into other people's rooms ... :smug:
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Giving difficult child-dom, this sounds more like good news than bad news to me. If my difficult child came up with a punishment like that for himself it could only mean one thing- he knew a way to get to electronics in the middle of the night so he'd pick something he could sneak around and get by with!
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Ditto what the Alphabet Lady said - in triplicate!!

    It sounds like it is time to upgrade your interior doors and their locks, making sure the hinges are NOT reachable from the outside of the room. Our Habitat for Humanity Restore often has a LOT of heavy duty or solid core doors at cheap prices. Combine a door like this and a deadbolt on at least easy child's door and it will stop a good many of his forays into her space.

    He has been able to find too many ways around your current locks, in my opinion.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, I guess I've been called worse things. :)

    I don't know about the lock situation- I had posted a long time ago when Terry first brought up the issue about changing locks that when I did it, my son broke thru them until he couldn't any longer, so then destroyed the door, frame trim, and went thru it. It probably depends on just how much "difficult child" is really in them but her son seems pretty determined to keep trying in this area. At least he 'fessed up this time.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Shhhhhh--he does't know about hinges yet!
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree it sounds like good news in the end!
  7. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    I think everything you mentioned -- no blaming, no yelling, no meltdown, plus choosing his own consequence -- are huge. You guys are all doing good work.

    Your difficult child was probably really bummed when he couldn't pry that screwdriver out and had to leave it :~)

    I like the technique your therapist taught you. We're going to try it -- it could be useful for both of our boys. I like the idea of the concrete presence of the object, minus the parental words that can be used for argument fodder.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I like the idea of the concrete presence of the object, minus the parental words that can be used for argument fodder.

    Me, too.
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Wow, Terry! I like your therapist's approach. I think I'll ask foster mum to do this with wm.

    The other shoe may have dropped but you handled it wonderfully. For difficult child to admit & then decide his consequence is a huge step in the right direction. I'm truly impressed.

    You rock, lady.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I'll pass that onto my husband. :D
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    Good job, Terry.