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The patience of a saint
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 531763" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>One thing that REALLY helps our kids in life is to learn to roll with the changes, to go with the flow, so to speak. this means that they cannot always know what will happen and they do have to adjust. How many times in a day or project do you have to adjust and you do so without thinking and certainly without a fuss or meltdown.</p><p></p><p>In her thread about spending time in the closet with a blanket and the cell phone, Terry talked about spending days running errands all over town with her difficult child <em>until </em>he had a meltdown. then she talked him through the meltdown or let it wear out, and did the errand and went home. she did this for days and days in a row. Each time she triggered the meltdown ON PURPOSE. Yes, many see this as somehow being 'mean'. While I can see the softhearted view that says it is mean, in my opinion it is far kinder to the child in the long run. Life will not follow the plans our kids make just because they make them. Someone once told me that we make plans and God laughs. It makes sense to me. </p><p></p><p>The point of doing errands out of turn or changing plans repeatedly and triggering the meltdown is to show the child that the world doesn't end and bad things don't happen just because the plans change. It teaches a child to learn to work through a meltdown and helps them learn to not have them when plans change. Different kids need different coping tools for this, but it is effective. It is harder than almost anything else on a parent, but it is quite an important thing for the child. We have had this same advice come from a parents' group for adhd kids and from a group for parents of kids with ASDs of all kinds.</p><p></p><p>learning to adapt to change is a CRUCIAL life skill and those who don't work with this early, even when the child has meltdowns and is hard to manage and it is embarrassing in public, isn't helping the child. The earlier they learn this, the easier it is to teach them. Imagine if j was twice his size and weight and had ths meltdown How would you cope then/ but if he learns NOW that he can cope, it will be far easier when he is older. Especially easier on HIM. </p><p></p><p>We ALL lose patience iwth our kids. sometimes I think we have too much patience and too many things slide. I know more than a few kids who are neurotypical and could have been 100% easy child but instead are difficult children and struggle hugely and it is because their parents had too much patience and focused on not 'stifling' the child's ntellect and curiousity. Sometimes a little stifling and some impatience benefit our kids - they learn it cannot be their way all the time, or even most of the time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 531763, member: 1233"] One thing that REALLY helps our kids in life is to learn to roll with the changes, to go with the flow, so to speak. this means that they cannot always know what will happen and they do have to adjust. How many times in a day or project do you have to adjust and you do so without thinking and certainly without a fuss or meltdown. In her thread about spending time in the closet with a blanket and the cell phone, Terry talked about spending days running errands all over town with her difficult child [I]until [/I]he had a meltdown. then she talked him through the meltdown or let it wear out, and did the errand and went home. she did this for days and days in a row. Each time she triggered the meltdown ON PURPOSE. Yes, many see this as somehow being 'mean'. While I can see the softhearted view that says it is mean, in my opinion it is far kinder to the child in the long run. Life will not follow the plans our kids make just because they make them. Someone once told me that we make plans and God laughs. It makes sense to me. The point of doing errands out of turn or changing plans repeatedly and triggering the meltdown is to show the child that the world doesn't end and bad things don't happen just because the plans change. It teaches a child to learn to work through a meltdown and helps them learn to not have them when plans change. Different kids need different coping tools for this, but it is effective. It is harder than almost anything else on a parent, but it is quite an important thing for the child. We have had this same advice come from a parents' group for adhd kids and from a group for parents of kids with ASDs of all kinds. learning to adapt to change is a CRUCIAL life skill and those who don't work with this early, even when the child has meltdowns and is hard to manage and it is embarrassing in public, isn't helping the child. The earlier they learn this, the easier it is to teach them. Imagine if j was twice his size and weight and had ths meltdown How would you cope then/ but if he learns NOW that he can cope, it will be far easier when he is older. Especially easier on HIM. We ALL lose patience iwth our kids. sometimes I think we have too much patience and too many things slide. I know more than a few kids who are neurotypical and could have been 100% easy child but instead are difficult children and struggle hugely and it is because their parents had too much patience and focused on not 'stifling' the child's ntellect and curiousity. Sometimes a little stifling and some impatience benefit our kids - they learn it cannot be their way all the time, or even most of the time. [/QUOTE]
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