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The patience of a saint
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 531816" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>In this case... it's not so much J being unable to cope with a change of plan (though of course that happens too and I take the points you make about that, susiestar and IC) as me getting angry because whatever I suggest in the moment he disagrees with - being cussed just for the sake of it, as it were. For example... On Saturday, it was a fine afternoon and we had some hours to "kill" before I took him to a travelling show for children with snakes, a scorpion and small crocodile <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />)) that was in the region. I wanted to take the bike and go to the woods - J wanted to cycle around the village (which is surrounded by and set in nature on all sides). Ok, I agreed, we could cycle around the village - not a battle worth fighting. But then every direction I wanted to go, he started objecting, cycling off by himself in the other direction and I just started to get... really irritated. It was as though he was disagreeing for the sake of it and I was being to feel like a puppet on a string. So I got cross with him. Then, we exhausted the village and I wanted to take a track that leads out into woods so the dog could get a walk. J of course started objecting and refusing, saying the bumpy road "hurts my bottom"... but this is just a pretext because he often rides his bike on the bumpy road in the woods we sometimes go to and has never complained about that. He refused and I just felt "Expletive deleted! I am not catering to this child's whims all the time - this is ridiculous and the dog needs a walk!" So I insisted on going that way, and of course he carried on, screaming and crying and making an enormous performance.... for what? Just refusal to comply with someone's else's wishes. Anyway, I shouted back very angrily, saying he was to come and I just walked on and I'm afraid also said some not very nice things in the heat of the moment that of course I subsequently regretted and did apologise for. But I do find these scenes enervating and absurd and I have little or no patience for them. Trouble is a minor incident ends up becoming an explosion because I demonstrate my lack of patience quite vividly, which of course gets J into his own crescendo of emotion.</p><p>This is absolutely not over-analysing in my book. It is a very real problem that I feel essentially baffled by - why on earth does he systematically do this? Is it about control, need to control (granted that I may have my own need to control also <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />) Any illuminations... gratefully received!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 531816, member: 11227"] In this case... it's not so much J being unable to cope with a change of plan (though of course that happens too and I take the points you make about that, susiestar and IC) as me getting angry because whatever I suggest in the moment he disagrees with - being cussed just for the sake of it, as it were. For example... On Saturday, it was a fine afternoon and we had some hours to "kill" before I took him to a travelling show for children with snakes, a scorpion and small crocodile (:)) that was in the region. I wanted to take the bike and go to the woods - J wanted to cycle around the village (which is surrounded by and set in nature on all sides). Ok, I agreed, we could cycle around the village - not a battle worth fighting. But then every direction I wanted to go, he started objecting, cycling off by himself in the other direction and I just started to get... really irritated. It was as though he was disagreeing for the sake of it and I was being to feel like a puppet on a string. So I got cross with him. Then, we exhausted the village and I wanted to take a track that leads out into woods so the dog could get a walk. J of course started objecting and refusing, saying the bumpy road "hurts my bottom"... but this is just a pretext because he often rides his bike on the bumpy road in the woods we sometimes go to and has never complained about that. He refused and I just felt "Expletive deleted! I am not catering to this child's whims all the time - this is ridiculous and the dog needs a walk!" So I insisted on going that way, and of course he carried on, screaming and crying and making an enormous performance.... for what? Just refusal to comply with someone's else's wishes. Anyway, I shouted back very angrily, saying he was to come and I just walked on and I'm afraid also said some not very nice things in the heat of the moment that of course I subsequently regretted and did apologise for. But I do find these scenes enervating and absurd and I have little or no patience for them. Trouble is a minor incident ends up becoming an explosion because I demonstrate my lack of patience quite vividly, which of course gets J into his own crescendo of emotion. This is absolutely not over-analysing in my book. It is a very real problem that I feel essentially baffled by - why on earth does he systematically do this? Is it about control, need to control (granted that I may have my own need to control also :)) Any illuminations... gratefully received! [/QUOTE]
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