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The patience of a saint
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<blockquote data-quote="Ktllc" data-source="post: 531827" data-attributes="member: 11847"><p>Malika, from what you describe I do think it is about control. But it does not mean he does it in a malicious way. People and kids want to exercise control for a variey of reasons (anxiety, fear are a couple that are not malicious).</p><p>V will get in those moods where everything is "no" no matter what is offered. I can only tell you what has worked for us:</p><p>If I want to deal with the situation in a non explosive way, I need to slow down. Really take the time to address his request. I bent over to his level, repeats what he wants (to assure I understood correctly) and then explain as simply as possible why we are going to do it my way. I use a slow tone and do not elevate my voice. I then ask him to rephrase what I said.</p><p>I'll give you an example (I have millions of example but I don't try to remember every single one, it would not be healthy! lol):</p><p>We were getting out of the pool heading to our truck. My husband was with us and the 3 kids. husband gave me the keys and just said "you drive...." looking real tired. V started shouting "NO!!! Daddy drives" I want Daddy to drive" and on and on and on. I really wanted to shout back and basically tell him to shut his mouth. Instead, I went on my needs and slowly explained that I needed to drive, that Dad drives all week and is very tired from it, it is Mommy's turn. V's answer: "oh...." and that was it. </p><p>But I'll have to admit, sometimes I really don't feel like dealing with it... I just want him to go with the flow. So I get angry. Like you said: we are not Saints and we will not have this kind of patience every time. </p><p>I find that V becomes oppositional when he is NOT in a happy place (like lately), when he feels too many events are forced on him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ktllc, post: 531827, member: 11847"] Malika, from what you describe I do think it is about control. But it does not mean he does it in a malicious way. People and kids want to exercise control for a variey of reasons (anxiety, fear are a couple that are not malicious). V will get in those moods where everything is "no" no matter what is offered. I can only tell you what has worked for us: If I want to deal with the situation in a non explosive way, I need to slow down. Really take the time to address his request. I bent over to his level, repeats what he wants (to assure I understood correctly) and then explain as simply as possible why we are going to do it my way. I use a slow tone and do not elevate my voice. I then ask him to rephrase what I said. I'll give you an example (I have millions of example but I don't try to remember every single one, it would not be healthy! lol): We were getting out of the pool heading to our truck. My husband was with us and the 3 kids. husband gave me the keys and just said "you drive...." looking real tired. V started shouting "NO!!! Daddy drives" I want Daddy to drive" and on and on and on. I really wanted to shout back and basically tell him to shut his mouth. Instead, I went on my needs and slowly explained that I needed to drive, that Dad drives all week and is very tired from it, it is Mommy's turn. V's answer: "oh...." and that was it. But I'll have to admit, sometimes I really don't feel like dealing with it... I just want him to go with the flow. So I get angry. Like you said: we are not Saints and we will not have this kind of patience every time. I find that V becomes oppositional when he is NOT in a happy place (like lately), when he feels too many events are forced on him. [/QUOTE]
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