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The patience of a saint
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 531909" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Thanks, Ktllc. I think you get to the heart of the matter here... that is, that probably a child like J needs often to be parented "therapeutically" - and I am not necessarily geared up for that all the time because of my own limitations and experiences and temperament, etc. Which is why I titled the thread "patience of a saint" - truly it would be good to have that, and truly it is doubtless what J needs because you are right, it is not malicious, and how could it really be malicious at five years old? But I am saying that I am very human and that also, I think, this is where it's so hard doing it alone, even though I don't usually want to play the "single parent pity card". If you have emotional support yourself, it's just easier to be emotionally supportive of a difficult child. Although dealing with a partner who is not on the same wavelength is also very draining and difficult... I ended up being hurtful towards J and upsetting him a lot through my anger - which with a typical child would not perhaps be the end of the world (but then with a typical child we would not have got to that point so...). Of course he doesn't understand himself why he is so contrary and difficult at times. All I know is that it really is all but impossible for me to be a good parent for J all the time because sometimes I am thrown up against my own shortcomings and cannot get beyond them. This is nothing to do with being hard on myself, I hope it will be clear - it is just about seeing things as they are, or trying to. I didn't know or even, naively no doubt, even consider that in adopting J I was taking on way more than I imagined at the time... And I guess that goes for all or most of us here?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 531909, member: 11227"] Thanks, Ktllc. I think you get to the heart of the matter here... that is, that probably a child like J needs often to be parented "therapeutically" - and I am not necessarily geared up for that all the time because of my own limitations and experiences and temperament, etc. Which is why I titled the thread "patience of a saint" - truly it would be good to have that, and truly it is doubtless what J needs because you are right, it is not malicious, and how could it really be malicious at five years old? But I am saying that I am very human and that also, I think, this is where it's so hard doing it alone, even though I don't usually want to play the "single parent pity card". If you have emotional support yourself, it's just easier to be emotionally supportive of a difficult child. Although dealing with a partner who is not on the same wavelength is also very draining and difficult... I ended up being hurtful towards J and upsetting him a lot through my anger - which with a typical child would not perhaps be the end of the world (but then with a typical child we would not have got to that point so...). Of course he doesn't understand himself why he is so contrary and difficult at times. All I know is that it really is all but impossible for me to be a good parent for J all the time because sometimes I am thrown up against my own shortcomings and cannot get beyond them. This is nothing to do with being hard on myself, I hope it will be clear - it is just about seeing things as they are, or trying to. I didn't know or even, naively no doubt, even consider that in adopting J I was taking on way more than I imagined at the time... And I guess that goes for all or most of us here? [/QUOTE]
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