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The patience of a saint
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 531957" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Keista, if you think your first post on this thread was <em>supportive</em>, then I can tell you we also have very different definitions of what is supportive! I felt it was judgemental, quite aggressive and critical. Anyway, look, I really don't know what all this is about, I have no problem with you and I don't come here to pick fights or exchange unpleasant words! But I do wish to point out to you that your posts to me do not come across as you intend if you actually intend them to be friendly and sympathetic. Something you may perhaps also not appreciate - why should you? - is that we are talking from very different cultural contexts. Here, children do not have tantrums at the age of five or argue with their parents at the age of five. You would doubtless describe the behaviour of French children as Norman Rockwell and unreal... well, all things are a matter of perspective and doubtless children here are too rigidly disciplined. We are all very social creatures and I have learnt to take the French standard as the one to which J continually does not match up... I am sure that in the States or elsewhere, we would have an easier time of it. But no, I can quite categorically tell you, if I was out for a bike ride/walk with a French easy child, things would never get that far...</p><p>whatamess, thanks for your reflective post. It's amazing, really, isn't it, that we don't consider the parents' huge impact on children because it seems so obvious. I may be hard on myself, but in a way that doesn't seem to me the relevant point... what seems relevant is that J truly is a very challenging (and at times delightful, as I have often described) child to parent and I KNOW I'm screwing up with him quite a lot... that's understandable, human, all the rest of it. But I don't want to do him harm, maybe it comes down to that, and I feel with a sense of despair sometimes that it is beyond me to deal with his oppositionality and defiance in a way that leaves him unscathed... Because of who I am, which I also do not judge... Does that make any sense?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 531957, member: 11227"] Keista, if you think your first post on this thread was [I]supportive[/I], then I can tell you we also have very different definitions of what is supportive! I felt it was judgemental, quite aggressive and critical. Anyway, look, I really don't know what all this is about, I have no problem with you and I don't come here to pick fights or exchange unpleasant words! But I do wish to point out to you that your posts to me do not come across as you intend if you actually intend them to be friendly and sympathetic. Something you may perhaps also not appreciate - why should you? - is that we are talking from very different cultural contexts. Here, children do not have tantrums at the age of five or argue with their parents at the age of five. You would doubtless describe the behaviour of French children as Norman Rockwell and unreal... well, all things are a matter of perspective and doubtless children here are too rigidly disciplined. We are all very social creatures and I have learnt to take the French standard as the one to which J continually does not match up... I am sure that in the States or elsewhere, we would have an easier time of it. But no, I can quite categorically tell you, if I was out for a bike ride/walk with a French easy child, things would never get that far... whatamess, thanks for your reflective post. It's amazing, really, isn't it, that we don't consider the parents' huge impact on children because it seems so obvious. I may be hard on myself, but in a way that doesn't seem to me the relevant point... what seems relevant is that J truly is a very challenging (and at times delightful, as I have often described) child to parent and I KNOW I'm screwing up with him quite a lot... that's understandable, human, all the rest of it. But I don't want to do him harm, maybe it comes down to that, and I feel with a sense of despair sometimes that it is beyond me to deal with his oppositionality and defiance in a way that leaves him unscathed... Because of who I am, which I also do not judge... Does that make any sense? [/QUOTE]
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