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The patience of a saint
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<blockquote data-quote="whatamess" data-source="post: 532015" data-attributes="member: 7664"><p>Susiestar, I appreciate that you spoke to my post in a respectful way (at least that's how I took it) even though it didn't match your experience. I'd like to give you a little scenario to clarify what I am trying to say. When my difficult child was 8, he was taken to gym class by an aide. Jump roping was the activity that day. My difficult child acted out. He was given time out. He acted out more. He was taken back to the special education room where he was to sit at his desk. He acted out further. He then went into seclusion and acted out more. One perspective says the aide responded appropriately to his behavior by punishing him and then justified the further punishments because he was obviously 'naughty' or undisciplined or whatever term that perspective justifies. The other perspective looks at how the adult could have responded and made a positive difference in trust and learning. That perspective would have understood that he didn't know how to jumprope and needed help. That he was lacking skills to ask for help or cope with the frustration. That aide could have turned that moment around. One group of people believe the aide did everything right another believes it could have been handled in a much different way. I am no saint, nor an expert, but your example of the candy bar could be looked at in two ways as well. I do NOT condone children 'getting away' with poor behavior, I do not let my child hurt others, break things or be unruly. These things do happen, and I don't approve of them, but my perspective on it is that punitive measures are not the way to go to change that behavior. My difficult child has been handled by school personnel who have differing perspectives and the most growth came when the tenet of Ross Greene was followed...children do well if they can, not if they want to. It's not an excuse and doesn't allow for poor behavior, but helps us understand the why behind it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="whatamess, post: 532015, member: 7664"] Susiestar, I appreciate that you spoke to my post in a respectful way (at least that's how I took it) even though it didn't match your experience. I'd like to give you a little scenario to clarify what I am trying to say. When my difficult child was 8, he was taken to gym class by an aide. Jump roping was the activity that day. My difficult child acted out. He was given time out. He acted out more. He was taken back to the special education room where he was to sit at his desk. He acted out further. He then went into seclusion and acted out more. One perspective says the aide responded appropriately to his behavior by punishing him and then justified the further punishments because he was obviously 'naughty' or undisciplined or whatever term that perspective justifies. The other perspective looks at how the adult could have responded and made a positive difference in trust and learning. That perspective would have understood that he didn't know how to jumprope and needed help. That he was lacking skills to ask for help or cope with the frustration. That aide could have turned that moment around. One group of people believe the aide did everything right another believes it could have been handled in a much different way. I am no saint, nor an expert, but your example of the candy bar could be looked at in two ways as well. I do NOT condone children 'getting away' with poor behavior, I do not let my child hurt others, break things or be unruly. These things do happen, and I don't approve of them, but my perspective on it is that punitive measures are not the way to go to change that behavior. My difficult child has been handled by school personnel who have differing perspectives and the most growth came when the tenet of Ross Greene was followed...children do well if they can, not if they want to. It's not an excuse and doesn't allow for poor behavior, but helps us understand the why behind it. [/QUOTE]
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