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The patience of a saint
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 532098" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>Susiestar, when I say a parent that he has to change his perspective to parent a challenging child, I don't mean we have to let the child do whatever he wants. </p><p>I never say that. </p><p></p><p>Changing the perspective means for me : how can we teach a child what we want to teach him in an efficient way ? </p><p></p><p>We have to stop blaming one another, blaming the child, blaming the teachers, blaming the tdocs, psychiatrists.... Blaming brings only hurt and suffer. Blaming has never ever solved any problem. </p><p>Each one needs to make one step toward the other. It is not easy, it is not a cure all problems, but it works and leads to long lasting changes. </p><p>The child needs to make steps for meeting the word, but parents need to make steps in order to teach the child. </p><p>My point is : we have to stop blaming and start to see what works for the child. </p><p>Some "perfect parenting" do not worth a fight over, bitterness and anger on both sides.</p><p></p><p>Yes, we all wish to be perfect parents of perfect children, or perfect children of perfect parents, but unfortunately, perfection does not exist in this world. </p><p>So, we can find out : what works for the person X ? It's not because the strategy Y worked for the person Z that it will work for the person X. </p><p>I learnt it the harsh way, mom learnt it the harsh way, I don't want to renew this costly mistake again. </p><p></p><p>Though love can work for some persons, but it won't work for everyone. So if it does not work at all, even it worsens the problem we have to deal with, it's time to find out another solution. </p><p>We have to rely on the strategy "what works for the person X" and not to always blame the person if the strategy does not work. Because we cannot live in a world when "one size fits all". </p><p></p><p>In my experience, psychiatrists and tdocs are champion for blaming parents/child, followed by teachers. Like if they needed to blame their patient to feel the power of superiority. </p><p>If blame were working, there would not be any problem in this world, nor smoking, nor drugs, nor anorexia..... </p><p></p><p></p><p>Let give up blame, and start problem solving together.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 532098, member: 14306"] Susiestar, when I say a parent that he has to change his perspective to parent a challenging child, I don't mean we have to let the child do whatever he wants. I never say that. Changing the perspective means for me : how can we teach a child what we want to teach him in an efficient way ? We have to stop blaming one another, blaming the child, blaming the teachers, blaming the tdocs, psychiatrists.... Blaming brings only hurt and suffer. Blaming has never ever solved any problem. Each one needs to make one step toward the other. It is not easy, it is not a cure all problems, but it works and leads to long lasting changes. The child needs to make steps for meeting the word, but parents need to make steps in order to teach the child. My point is : we have to stop blaming and start to see what works for the child. Some "perfect parenting" do not worth a fight over, bitterness and anger on both sides. Yes, we all wish to be perfect parents of perfect children, or perfect children of perfect parents, but unfortunately, perfection does not exist in this world. So, we can find out : what works for the person X ? It's not because the strategy Y worked for the person Z that it will work for the person X. I learnt it the harsh way, mom learnt it the harsh way, I don't want to renew this costly mistake again. Though love can work for some persons, but it won't work for everyone. So if it does not work at all, even it worsens the problem we have to deal with, it's time to find out another solution. We have to rely on the strategy "what works for the person X" and not to always blame the person if the strategy does not work. Because we cannot live in a world when "one size fits all". In my experience, psychiatrists and tdocs are champion for blaming parents/child, followed by teachers. Like if they needed to blame their patient to feel the power of superiority. If blame were working, there would not be any problem in this world, nor smoking, nor drugs, nor anorexia..... Let give up blame, and start problem solving together. [/QUOTE]
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