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General Parenting
The pay-off of politeness
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 538129" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Actually, last couple of days I've really been thinking I need to help coach J about social things. I agree - I think how I myself behave and interact with J is probably really vital. Because he needs all the help with this that he can get. If anything tells me that J has ADHD, actually, this is it... I've done a bit of investigation on the net and there is SO much stuff about how ADHD kid have trouble with peers and social relationships. And many of the articles seem to describe J to a T - aggressive, dominating, impulsive in their relationships. I do see him getting into a negative pattern with relationships and it is SO vital to avoid this. Part of me does not want to behave as if J is a special case, needing "charity" but if the goal is to help him make and keep friends, I think I need to do all I can - so if we are still at the village school in September I think I might go and see a couple of the parents of the kids J plays with at school and, if it feels right, explain that J has probable ADHD and that I'd like to invite their kids regularly to the house to help him play co-operatively, under supervision. At the moment, J just doesn't get invited to other kids' houses - because, presumably, the other parents don't want the noise, hyperactivity, etc. But I have to take action to stop J feeling like he's got the plague or something... </p><p>I did actually talk to him this morning about the things you do to keep friends, and how important friends are in making you feel happy and good about yourself. I don't know what effect, if any, it can have because of course the problem is not really what he knows but the impulses he has in the moment... but it can't do any harm to spell it out to him. And I will talk about this to the psychiatrist when I see her in July and say this is my main concern with J, the social problems.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 538129, member: 11227"] Actually, last couple of days I've really been thinking I need to help coach J about social things. I agree - I think how I myself behave and interact with J is probably really vital. Because he needs all the help with this that he can get. If anything tells me that J has ADHD, actually, this is it... I've done a bit of investigation on the net and there is SO much stuff about how ADHD kid have trouble with peers and social relationships. And many of the articles seem to describe J to a T - aggressive, dominating, impulsive in their relationships. I do see him getting into a negative pattern with relationships and it is SO vital to avoid this. Part of me does not want to behave as if J is a special case, needing "charity" but if the goal is to help him make and keep friends, I think I need to do all I can - so if we are still at the village school in September I think I might go and see a couple of the parents of the kids J plays with at school and, if it feels right, explain that J has probable ADHD and that I'd like to invite their kids regularly to the house to help him play co-operatively, under supervision. At the moment, J just doesn't get invited to other kids' houses - because, presumably, the other parents don't want the noise, hyperactivity, etc. But I have to take action to stop J feeling like he's got the plague or something... I did actually talk to him this morning about the things you do to keep friends, and how important friends are in making you feel happy and good about yourself. I don't know what effect, if any, it can have because of course the problem is not really what he knows but the impulses he has in the moment... but it can't do any harm to spell it out to him. And I will talk about this to the psychiatrist when I see her in July and say this is my main concern with J, the social problems. [/QUOTE]
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