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The "plan" to keep wee difficult child and the other bd girl apart at school
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 333053" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Shari, from experience - we had this problem with difficult child 3 and the boy who kept sticking pins etc into him at every opportunity. A plan like this was already in place but the problems would show up in unstructured/unsupervised play during breaks; at times when the kids were milling around (getting ready to go back to class; getting ready to go to school hall; in school hall during unstructured activity). I think the crowning event was the day difficult child 3's class was given a 'reward' of unstructured play in the school hall with kids simply milling around allegedly supervised. difficult child 3 went to the teachers to complain that bully was sticking pins in him. Teacher A called bully over. "Do you have a pin? No? Well, difficult child 3, stay away from bully."</p><p>Yeah, right. In a crowded hall where bully was actively, sneakily, seeking him out. </p><p>difficult child 3 ended up screaming at Teacher A. Teacher B wrote me a nasty note home: "difficult child 3 has to apologist to Teacher A, who is pregnant and should not have been screamed at."</p><p>The genius Teacher B then sent difficult child 3 back to the classroom, unsupervised, to fetch his schoolbag to get ready to go home. In her infinite wisdom, she sent bully along with him! Somewhere on that unsupervised walk, difficult child 3 hit bully, who complained to Teacher B. difficult child 3 ended up on detention. Bully - nothing.</p><p></p><p>So pardon my scepticism - but how are they going to enforce this? Are they going to support/supervise to ensure compliance? And what are the consequences for this darling girl if/when she breaks the rules?</p><p></p><p>The one bright ray of sunshine out of my story - bully is now a more mature 16 yo who knows that difficult child 3 is no threat. He's actually rescued him a few times and we are now all on speaking terms and friendly when we meet. I actually greeted him in the street a couple of days ago, he's really grown and was very polite and friendly. It could have continued as nasty, especially since, after the incident I describe, Teacher B actually went round to that boy's parents and recommended they call the police to lay charges against difficult child 3. I would b=never have known if I hadn't one day decided to go talk to the family and at that talk I cleared the air and said, "Everything in the past on both sides - clean slate. Bully - I know you are also a victim at times and it's not fair. You should therefore know how difficult child 3 has felt at times. From here on - I will insist he is polite to you. I require the same of you. Nothing more. If he hurts you or attacks you, you may come to me and I will deal with him. If difficult child 3 comes to me - I will be back here talking to you and your mother. But I am sure that from now on we will not have any problems."</p><p>And we didn't.</p><p></p><p>But I'm not saying you can do this - I think I remember, Shari, you have considered this and sadly it is not an option.</p><p></p><p>But if I had left it to the teachers - it could have been even worse. They had other people (not just me) reporting the pin sticking (which went on for several years with different teachers) and still the school did nothing, apart from telling me it was not happening.</p><p></p><p>So stick to your guns, ask them to make sure their plan is actually enforced and enforceable.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 333053, member: 1991"] Shari, from experience - we had this problem with difficult child 3 and the boy who kept sticking pins etc into him at every opportunity. A plan like this was already in place but the problems would show up in unstructured/unsupervised play during breaks; at times when the kids were milling around (getting ready to go back to class; getting ready to go to school hall; in school hall during unstructured activity). I think the crowning event was the day difficult child 3's class was given a 'reward' of unstructured play in the school hall with kids simply milling around allegedly supervised. difficult child 3 went to the teachers to complain that bully was sticking pins in him. Teacher A called bully over. "Do you have a pin? No? Well, difficult child 3, stay away from bully." Yeah, right. In a crowded hall where bully was actively, sneakily, seeking him out. difficult child 3 ended up screaming at Teacher A. Teacher B wrote me a nasty note home: "difficult child 3 has to apologist to Teacher A, who is pregnant and should not have been screamed at." The genius Teacher B then sent difficult child 3 back to the classroom, unsupervised, to fetch his schoolbag to get ready to go home. In her infinite wisdom, she sent bully along with him! Somewhere on that unsupervised walk, difficult child 3 hit bully, who complained to Teacher B. difficult child 3 ended up on detention. Bully - nothing. So pardon my scepticism - but how are they going to enforce this? Are they going to support/supervise to ensure compliance? And what are the consequences for this darling girl if/when she breaks the rules? The one bright ray of sunshine out of my story - bully is now a more mature 16 yo who knows that difficult child 3 is no threat. He's actually rescued him a few times and we are now all on speaking terms and friendly when we meet. I actually greeted him in the street a couple of days ago, he's really grown and was very polite and friendly. It could have continued as nasty, especially since, after the incident I describe, Teacher B actually went round to that boy's parents and recommended they call the police to lay charges against difficult child 3. I would b=never have known if I hadn't one day decided to go talk to the family and at that talk I cleared the air and said, "Everything in the past on both sides - clean slate. Bully - I know you are also a victim at times and it's not fair. You should therefore know how difficult child 3 has felt at times. From here on - I will insist he is polite to you. I require the same of you. Nothing more. If he hurts you or attacks you, you may come to me and I will deal with him. If difficult child 3 comes to me - I will be back here talking to you and your mother. But I am sure that from now on we will not have any problems." And we didn't. But I'm not saying you can do this - I think I remember, Shari, you have considered this and sadly it is not an option. But if I had left it to the teachers - it could have been even worse. They had other people (not just me) reporting the pin sticking (which went on for several years with different teachers) and still the school did nothing, apart from telling me it was not happening. So stick to your guns, ask them to make sure their plan is actually enforced and enforceable. Marg [/QUOTE]
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