The Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) Just Ain't Cuttin' It

[Mrs Smith]

I don't blame you for wanting to pull him out. Sounds like a nightmare situation. I don't know if it's at all possible for you but I would have him at home where you can at least get his medications back in order and then use whatever autism programs you can find at school and wrap-around services to work on the behavior management issues.

The combination of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) and bipolar is a very hard mix. My son has asperger's and cyclothymia and anger management is still our biggest challenge. Development has helped a little in the last few years so there's hope yet. 10 was a hard age - they're bigger and stronger. Hope you find competent help soon!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Janna,

I don't know what to say about your situation. Never been in it before, have no experience. But I am sorry for your mommy heart and I am thinking about you and Dylan.

Hugs and prayers.

 

[Janna]

Thank you, everyone. I appreciate everything here. Thanks, too, Sara, for clarifying.

Now that I'm calm, I guess I can pretty much tell ya what the problems are. This place is totally behaviorally based. Yeah, the therapist pretty much feels that IF Dylan would need medications, ONE OR TWO would be it, TWO MAX, because she can fix him with the behavior mod in the house, and her therapy ideas.

They've known my son all of 3 weeks, haven't listened to me at all, and really don't care to.

And you hit the nail right on the head, Sara. I am very, very aggravated over the whole "ODD" thing. This is not said to offend anyone at this site, I know there's a huge "ODD" following here, but I get really ticked over it. And it's reasons like this why. I couldn't get my kid school work last year, because now the teachers are so used to "oh, no, if they're defiant we don't give it", that I have to pull teeth to get it. I can't get my kid therapy here, because they are so used to kids that are "ODD" that don't listen, don't follow rules, and their parent's don't get off their rear ends and make them do stuff, and they assume my kid is the same. There are two kids in Dylan's residence that are 2nd timers. You tell me how TWO kids make it TWELVE MONTHS with no defiance, go home, and then get sent back. I'm sorry, I'm not taking the "honeymooning" thing with that. Nope.

So, because of this, my child suffers. And you're right, again, Sara, I can't expect them to watch him 24/7. I suppose that was a little exaggerated LOL ~ but you know, the issues in school, for example, need help. The shutting down. For whatever reason (that's for another day) the teachers in his EMOTIONAL SUPPORT classroom cannot help him hahaha. OMG! So, I need someone that can.

Linda, I have no back up plan. The only back up plan I see in my future is quitting my job, homeschooling my children, and keeping our current psychiatrist. I will live with the behaviors Dylan has. Maybe over time, as he ages, he can get his own therapy. I cannot possibly do everyone elses jobs for them, and that is what I'm doing. I have to babysit the counselor, the therapist, the caseworker and track the psychiatrist down like I'm a starving animal hunting for food. That is unacceptable.

Again, I really think this place is great for kids that are "ODD" and need behavior mod. However, if the parents are not on board, it's not gonna work regardless. Maybe it can, but I can't see it. The place is strict. The rules are clearly defined, consequences set, the HOUSE, itself, awesome.

But the rest of the staff are lax. The therapist is far from impressive. psychiatrist that doesn't communicate. I'd have understood 2 weeks into it. Maybe 3. It's a month. No medication changes. My son is here for the day, and the poor thing is so hypomanic/impulsive. I cry just watching him. He can't help it. Knocked an entire row of baby food off the shelf today at the grocery store, shattering them. He cried, didn't do it intentionally. He's so wired. They keep messing around. Waiting, waiting. Our regular psychiatrist and I would have figured something out by now. Why make my son suffer?

Wendy, as far as the ODD thing from the psychiatrist, it doesn't matter if Dylan was defiant with him. I seriously, highly doubt it, but even if he was, he is to take into account all the notes from staff and therapist, and ALL say "he's so compliant and helpful". Even the therapist last week was wondering why the ODD was there, when he's not ODD! So, no, I have a feeling he's a dope, slapped it on there, and there ya have it. He's a labeler, unfortunately, I'm not allowing that label on my kid.

I will tell you this much, this has been a HUGE eye opener for me. My children, none of them, are difficult child's.

 

[Fran]

Janna,
Truthfully, I have looked high and low. The program we dream of doesn't exist. My difficult child was so wildly out of control that school was virtually not doable. He was a walk in a park compared to the rest of the residents. He never intentionally did negative, ugly or violent things. No drugs, law breaking, destruction but he was the least capable of functioning. Did absolutely no school work, barely showered etc, etc. He is developmentally delayed. Unfortunately 10yrs ago there was little or no programs that were for my son.

I would look for a program that deals with developmental delay and emotional maturity of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). It is not a behavior based program. My son was an enigma in every program. Most programs that deal with developmental delay tended to have kids who weren't as difficult behaviorally as mine. He didn't fit in any one category.

My son does not have a label of ODD but his defiance was his biggest problem. I stopped worrying about the labels. Just some results would be helpful. Besides with schools and everyone else Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) trumps ODD. I always lead in with the developmental delay. It seems to be easier for professionals and school districts to deal with. It's something they can do.

One of the helpful tools I used to be an asset to helping my son was literally listing A) my expectations. B) pros and cons to the program C) what the alternative would be D)Could something else work better. E)taking him home will achieve what?
My suggestion for what it's worth is to be realistic(as Sara says). Use concrete complaints with examples. Offer suggestions. Don't lose site of the goal by drowning in the smaller issues.
In the end, it's your child and you want to do right by him. I can tell you that no program does what we fantasize it will do no matter the program or amount of money involved. It is a gradual learning process for our kids and it's a gradual learning process for us.
Hopefully some day there will be a program that is set up for kids with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) who exhibit behavior issues that other Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) programs won't deal with.

Good luck trying to find the right fit for your son but be aware that there is probably not going to be a 100% fit. It simply doesn't exist. 70% was the best I could find. It helped and it wasn't a negative environment for my son although he was exposed to language that he never heard before as well as violent responses of teens to staff. It was an eye opener.

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

Janna,

I don't have any experience with RTFs so I really can't help much. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you... I can't even begin to imagine how angry, frustrated, disappointed, and sad you must feel...

I think those that have experience with RTFs have given you excellent advice. I know that you're a great :warrior: mom!!! I know that given the circumstances, you will make the best possible choice for Dylan. He is LUCKY you're his mom!!!

Sending cyber hugs...WFEN

 

[Star*]

Janna,

I'm sorry you and your son are going through what you are going through. Fran is right there is no program that suits OUR kids.

My son's first out of home stay was at 7. Since then there has been no placement for him that was helpful, suitable, sincere, medically sound, good staff, good food, or a positive change in difficult child's behavior. NONE of them.....and that is 4 psychiatric hospitals in 9 years and 14 Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) stays. He grew up basically in an institutional situation and we did it because we could not keep him at home under ANY circumstances. His behavior didn't improve with any of the 64 medications, they found nothing on an MRI, there were numerous blood work tests, and Xrays, EEG's, EKGs, hospitalizations...you name it we searched and researched and prayed for help.

At the near end of 10 years? I found myself BEGGING for out of home placement because without a high level of structure he was into EVERYTHING and just spiteful. Today I'm told he would be a good candidate for the military life. It makes me sad.

What makes me the most sad are ALL the people and staff that we ran into over the course of 11 years. Tell me to my face that they were there to help and a few even got fired for abuse to difficult child. A broken nose, a broken finger, bruised and cracked ribs. You think I wasn't livid? But in the counseling that I took/take I found that difficult child HAD A CHOICE to behave. Sure his childhood was hell, he was diagnosis with a bunch of disorders, they gave him pills, they pretended to care. And nothing happend and mostly? Because difficult child chose to hang on to that time in his life that caused him to be like he is. Now he's diagnosed as a budding sociopath. I'm not joking at all.

Currently I'm suing one of the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF)'s and getting attagirls from so many people. People not in MY circle but higher up than you can belive. And it makes me just cringe....that THEY know about how the system is, and yet can only pat ME on the back for taking a chance than we're not run out of town on a rail. I was threatened by a staff member after my sons jaw was broken in 1/2 and it started an entire series of events in difficult child's life. And mine, and DF.

I'm basically my own social worker. When difficult child went to court I hauled 2 huge boxes, in chronological order to the public defenders office, with (6) 5" binders of case management that I put together over the years, and testaments of mental well being from eminent psychologists, psychologists, school officials, the Governors office, letters to senators on his status, doctors, lawyers, indian chiefs.....ever letter or call I ever made on my sons behalf was WRITTEN DOWN. And yet...no one cared. IT didn't help his case, it didn't get him any MORE help. It hasn't helped for anything except to serve as a reminder to me that I did EVERYTHING I COULD AS A MOTHER. I left no stone unturned. I can die as guilt free as I let myself about this all.

I wish years ago someone had said Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? Crap. No help really. Staff is underpaid to babysit 7-15 of the most angry, out of control children who have NEVER HAD A HOME or parents, and then you throw YOUR little lamb in who HAS a Mom and a DAD and all the other kids hate him on visiting day because their Mothers were whores and crack heads or killed the baby and they are there because the daddy never came around or cared. And the staff is a lot of times college kids only serving a small time on duty to get credits for psychiatric major or interns and most of the time they are observing or reading, ignoring to get through the day, and the other staff? They are kids who have BEEN through the system & decided when they got out of Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) would apply for a job there because the cycle of indignant people has been perpetuated for years and maybe they feel they can help until they find they are living with 10-15 of YOUR kids for $7.00 an hour and BUMP that....they do their time, and leave every day on 8 hour shifts OR they have no one to work and these people are OVERWORKED on 2-3 shifts. I don't know how they do it. FEW ARE THERE BECAUSE THEY CARE.

And the higher up staff? OH yeah. They tell you your kid will see a psychologist. Yeahhhhh about that. He/she usually has their own practice and does this on the side. THey see all the kids in a cottage for 5 minutes a piece and base their prescriptions on what a worn out, tired, overworked staff person who has basically little to no psychiatric. training has said about your kid for THAT week. Pscyhiatrists go by incident reports of the staff. Rarely do they ask the kid what's going on. When they do it's rushed. And the administration is NEVER available by phone, their mailbox is always full, the girl that you may get on the phone to take a message can't right this minute she is busy. They never offer email, or fax or pager # and it's unheard of to get a cell phone for emergencies. They will call YOU if they deem it an emergency. I got a call once.....two days after my son tried to hang himself in a closet at age 10 with his shoestrings. Nice huh? And he got poison ivy in his eyes.....and they didn't take him to the doctor and would not let me drive 4 hours to get him a bottle of calamine or take him to an eye doctor. He just suffered through it. He was 12.

What Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s have done for my son is make him smarter about how you should NOT behave. It's made him more manipulative (mocking others behaviors) and street smart. He can now deal 3 card montey well enough for a dinner. I'm so freakin proud.

And yet...I am told every time I bring it up...HE had choices.

Dont' believe everything you hear about Residential Treatment Center (RTC) Janna. Make surprise visits, WRITE letters, don't call. Tell people when you DO call that you are writing down what they say and ask them to follow up with a letter and sign it. Let them know you are watching them, watch your son. Staff isn't God....and if they put your kid out for you asking for diapers? Go get an attorney - but make sure you document everything, and get yourself some counseling. IT's the ONLY thing that has helped me get through this at all.

Sorry to be longwinded. I just don't want to see you hurt or have a false sense of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) treatment. It's all money. Plain and simple. THe place that I'm suing? They got $482.00 a DAY (not a week or month) a DANG DAY to watch my son and help him...and couln't even get him to counseling which ironically they told US was the most important part of his plan. (gimme a break)

Hugs - sorry.
Star

 

[Janna]

And you summed it up for me, Star. Thank you for being long winded, and thank you for posting that.

You said alot of what I've only seen in a few weeks. I was told to "watch it", so to speak, when bringing Dylan items of affection, or with my visits, as most of the kids either don't have parents, or have parents that live far away. Jealousy issues. Ugh.

And the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) can't seem to keep Dylan in school, which baffles me. This is what we need help on, and almost every day he's leaving for something or other. Why? The therapist can't answer that LOL!

I don't see much benefit out of this. And Fran, you're right, too. Nothing for our kids.

I don't honestly know what I'm going to do. I had a full day home visit with him today and it was good, aside from him not being medicated right, which is causing alot of problems. He's so impulsive. Wow, it's insane how he was at the store. Just him and I. All over the place.

I don't see much benefit from this place. I did, initially. But geez, the last 3 weeks have been unimpressive.

 

[Marguerite]

Reading all the responses, I need to share with you - I think sometimes we are the best therapists and support our children could have.

We don't have Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in Australia - nothing like it. If something like it DOES exist it is the best kept secret imaginable.

So we manage. And sometimes we don't. Kids who break the law repeatedly get sent to juvie, where they get a program similar to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) you describe Dylan is in. Only they're more insistent about school.

We have "Boys Town" which sounds closer to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - it's a charity which is like a halfway house between juvie and wherever. We have some boarding schools which are run like an army barracks. Some of these get great results. Some don't. It comes back to the child, in a lot of cases. One family I know - sent both their kids to the best schools. Daughter did brilliantly, son did drugs. Decades later he's still a waste of space. His parents were the best, did everything right. But he was a delayed adoption and had so much damage before he ever arrived, and not all their money and all their love and all their expertise could undo it.

I'm (slowly) working on a book about raising kids who are different. The main premise of the book is that parents need to learn to listen to themselves, to trust their instincts and if professional advice seems totally wrong, to be prepared to break the rules. We know our kids best and often get better results doing it our own way than by trying to find professional assistance which STILL is going to need our input to get it right. Assuming they WANT our input.
This is not to say that a parent with really way-out ideas (such as staring into the sun gives you all the nourishment you need) is going to be getting the best results - but that if you look around at all the other methods recommended, examine it all in the light of your own child, and then try things your own way for a while and examine the results (comparing them to things you've already tried) then often what works best is what we have gleaned for ourselves and adapted to our own child.

Some people do luck out - they find a placement which suits their child perfectly. But what I say - if you examine this closely, you will find that if those parents had done this all themselves, they would have found themselves doing the same things this perfect placement is also doing.

For those who haven't found the perfect placement - it may not exist, for your child. That doesn't mean you stop looking. But never underestimate your own ability, especially if you allow yourself to make use of whatever resources you feel you need and don't beat yourself up about things too much.

Or to summarise - if all else fails and you can't explain properly to another mob (who frankly are doing a job, it's not a life's work for them as it is for you) then acknowledge that you could take the same effort you're putting into this futility now, and put it directly into your own child, and probably get better results.

Don't expect perfection. Just expect the best you can do.

And if, further down the track, you find the 'perfect' placement, it's going to have to be darn good to be better than your own expertise and dedication can manage. If it is - great. If not, you know that the best fallback sometimes - is you.

Marg

 

[Stella Johnson]

I just remembered something from when my difficult child was in the hospital years ago for her evaluation. They told me they have to change part of the diagnosis for insurance to pay. They explained why and it was a stupid reason so that may be the reason they threw ODD in the mix.

Fran gave some great advice.

It really doesn't sound like this Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) is a good fit for your son.

Steph

 

[flutterbee]

There's a BIG difference between "ODD" behavior and true ODD. I think that many are way too quick to label behaviors that are attributable to mania, anxiety, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), etc as ODD when really it's not. So, yeah, I'd be PO'd, too.

My "second son" is ODD (working on CD...sigh...) and is NO comparison to what others used to call ODD in my daughter. Not even close.

I know you had high hopes for this place. I'm sorry it's turned out to be such a disappointment. I'd be just as frustrated/angry/annoyed/fed-up with the psychiatrist and therapist there as you.

 

[busywend]

Janna, I like you. But, I have heard you tell me that I am a bad parent because my child is defiant once too many times.

I do not believe your Dylan ever was defiant. Perhaps he was out of control or not listening to you from your parenting techniques at the time. I am glad you were able to make the changes necessary to get your Dylan to listen and follow your rules.

IT DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT FOR EVERYONE! I am a great mom and I have been every possible type of mom. When very strict and very consistent did not work I had no idea what to do. That is when I came here. I am NOT saying every parenting day for me was stellar by any means.

I do not care if you do not believe in ODD. To me it truly does and I live it day in and day out. For you to tell me I cause the heartache that is my life - really, really does make me angry.

You can believe whatever you want, but it is my opinion you need to consider what others have tried and are going through. ODD is real. It exists in alot of the homes on this board. Yes, I do believe your advice to try the sticker chart and the reward system and the srictness and the consistency are important for everyone to try. But, it is not right for you to assume they did not do it right if they have a defiant child after all that hard work.

I truly am proud of you and happy for you that you were able to help your Dylan with the changes you could make in your own home. I am jealous of it actually. I only wish it had worked for me.

I do not want to anger you and if you want to take this to PM we can.

 

[Marguerite]

Busywend, I think you misunderstood what Janna was saying. What I understood she meant was that in THIS place, ODD seems to be getting used as a blanket diagnosis as well as a blanket excuse for not making these kids do anything, when in a lot of the cases in THIS place, it seems to be bad parenting rather than genuine, properly assessed ODD.

I do not see ODD as bad parenting, nor do I think Janna does. But I've seen garbage bin diagnoses before (other conditions, not related to learning problems) and it sounds to me that in THIS particular Residential Treatment Center (RTC), this is how they're using the ODD label.

She said something about a lot of these kids needing their parents to get off their backsides and get involved - this is not the same thing as saying this is the cause of ODD. It sure isn't.

difficult child 3 was never formally diagnosed as ODD, but he sure fitted the label. And in his case, he fitted the label because the way we were handling him, was wrong - for him. It had been great for his siblings, it just doesn't work for him. Some kids - it makes them worse. But also, the ODD label came form a teacher who was having a vary difficult time with him and in her frustration and anger, she said, "That kid! You should investigate ODD, I can't understand any other reason why he would be so difficult! he just seems to do it on purpose!"
And that's another thing - I do not see ODD as the child being deliberately naughty, purely for the sake of it. And yet this is implied, in the label. And it is what some people believe - which could be why they stop trying, once they meet this label in a child.

I do not see ODD as a distinct mood disorder in its own right - I think if you dig deep enough, you will find a cause. It could be a simple reason, it could be complex. It could have an easy answer; it could be incurable. It will vary from child to child. I do not see it as a parental flaw, but I DO see it as often a mismatch between the child and the discipline technique. Although that is simplistic. And sometimes, the mismatch is as good as you can get it, because what some kids need simply doesn't exist. Hence - their parents try absolutely everything to help reduce the ODD, but get nowhere.

This doesn't mean I don't consider ODD to be a serious problem - I think it is, a HUGE problem. But I also think that in some cases it's too readily diagnosed and then the child stops getting a lot of help they could benefit from, because the perception is that ODD is incurable.

I think, from what Janna describes here, that this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) seems to have a revolving door for diagnosing ODD. Not accurate, not helpful and in fact very deceptive. But it potentially makes this place look good - because when a kid like Dylan eventually leaves and is assessed by someone else, he has a chance of having his ODD label dropped. Wow! he's been cured! (of a condition he actually never had).

Busywend, I didn't hear Janna call you a bad parent. I don't think she would ever do that, not even by implication. But when you live with a difficult child and you hear what sounds like a generalisation which seems to be aimed at your child, you tend to hear more into it than was ever intended.

Those of us who bother coming to this site - almost by definition, that makes us caring, determined, loving and concerned parents. And it's the teamwork which I meet when I come to this site that holds us together collectively and individually.

Marg

 

[SRL]

I will tell you this much, this has been a HUGE eye opener for me. My children, none of them, are difficult child's.

Janna, given the level of issues you have had with 2 of your children, I am flabergasted that you could make such a claim. Maybe you are misinterpreting the acronym? difficult child is a generic term we use here for difficult children, regardless of the label, or lack thereof. Nearly everyone who posts here long term refers to their children using the same term, including those whose children have fewer issues than yours. If your kids at various points have needed medications to function and/or avoid meltdowns, foster care, residential, and extra supports and interventions I'd guess it would be pretty safe to say that you're in the same boat with the rest of us.

I'm sure that just as with every other category of providers we deal with, there are good Residential Treatment Facility (RTF)'s, bad ones, mediocre ones, as well as those that are simply not a good fit for the child in question. If you this many strong concerns about the staff, their philosophy, the type of patients/families Dylan is coming in contact with, their inability to get him medication stabilized, and the impact the place is having on him, then maybe you need to get him out of there ASAP??? It doesn't sound like you have anything positive to report and if it's a bad fit it could do more damage than help.

 

[busywend]

Marg, I would love it if Janna came back here and said I misunderstood. I really would. That would mean I misunderstood many of her posts and that is completely possible. We are reading after all and 'tone' can come into play.

Sadly, I think her success in behavior mod has limited her view on what other parents have tried and failed to do. Like medications, just because it works for one does not mean it will work for all. I just have not felt that fairness in Janna's opinions.

I do appreciate you trying to help me see a different spin on the way I read the post.

 

[jamrobmic]

I have gotten the same vibes as Busywend, although I have never said anything. Maybe I should have, but I didn't. I remember Janna's posts when she first came on here, and IIRC, she felt Dylan was totally out of control. It didn't sound like behavior modification, if it was being used, was working very well at that time.

 

[Marguerite]

"Explosive Child" has worked well for us (although it's not fixed everything, just improved things a lot) and I know it doesn't work for everybody. We each do what works for us. If we had the opportunity to swap our kids around, I suspect we'd all do a lot worse, because over the years you get to have a 'feel' for your own child and to adapt and manage (as best you can) accordingly. And for a lot of us, that 'best' is just not good enough - it's why we're here.

We each do what we can in our own way. Each of us is an expert on our own child(ren). I have forgiven a lot from other people who post very different things to my own belief systems because I recognise that we ARE all coming from different places. Sometimes when we're especially steamed up about what's happening with our own kids, we are more likely to ride roughshod over other people's different opinions. But we should be tolerant of this because we all run the risk of doing this.

There is a lot I could say sometimes which would probably cut to the quick, or really upset someone with, say, a different political or religious point of view. But knowing the risk, I shut up. I currently have serious concerns with difficult child 1 and some rather concerning religious views which are in total conflict with everything he's ever been taught - but I know enough about our different cultures to not raise this in a thread because culturally, we are too different. Sometimes I see posts in which people either don't seem to 'get' what I tried to say, or have said something I find confronting - I walk away because sometimes you have to know when to not even try. If I know (or even strongly suspect) that what I want to say to someone is going to have absolutely zero impact, or is only likely to upset them or enrage them with absolutely no positive outcome, then I say nothing.

But that's me.

Some people simply say what they feel they need to, to vent what is upsetting them.

It is our choice as to whether we take this personally, or shrug and walk away. Although we support one another on this site, another person's problem should always remain just that - another person's problem. And it's the same with points of view - we can share t hem, we can maybe even accept a change in our own opinion if someone says something that brings a light bulb moment, but if it is not positive for us, we do not (and should not) take it on board.

Janna has strong views on a number of issues - these views have been determined by her own experiences. I don't always agree with her and she knows it, but I respect that she is entitled to those views, as I am to mine. And you are to yours, if you also disagree.

I do feel that in getting bogged down on this, we are getting badly off topic. And that is not helping Dylan or Janna.

For each of us, we have all experienced the sinking stomach feeling of another person criticising our parenting methods. Sometimes it is a friend, sometimes it is family, sometimes it is a health professional. And we feel we have to jump in and say our piece, in order to reinstate our good name as parents. But do we really? Some people will refuse to be convinced no matter what we say. If we are constantly reacting to other (often ignorant) people's criticisms, we are wasting too much valuable time and energy which we could put to better use on ourselves and our children.
When we feel personally attacked, we have two choices - take it on board as personal criticism (which gives it some degree of validity) or shrug and say, "Sorry, you're wrong there, that's not me," and walk away. People can say what they like - WE are the ones who choose to let it hurt us, or not. And I have too much else to do that's far more important to me.

When we feel attacked, that doesn't mean attack was intended. And even if it was, it only hits the mark when we allow it to.

If we can't learn this ourselves, how can we teach it to our children?

Marg

 

[busywend]

kids that are "ODD" that don't listen, don't follow rules, and their parent's don't get off their rear ends and make them do stuff,

I realize everyone has their opinion and Janna even said she did not want to offend anyone, but how does she think that is possible by telling me I do not get off my rear end to make my child do stuff.

It is ignorant to feel that all the parents here that have ODD kids are lazy and incapable of making rules and following through with punishments. Again, I am so glad it worked for Dylan. I wish it could have for me. It does not mean I did it wrong or was lazy about it.

 

[DammitJanet]

Janna...maybe you should try a more psychiatric facility instead of a behavioral one. Or an emotional growth facility.

Dylan has problems. He cannot function in a classroom because he shuts down and refuses to do the classwork when he gets frustrated. Why this is happening needs to get solved.

Is it a medication issue? Behavioral issue? Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) issue? Right now, no one knows.

You cant put your life on hold and solve this because YOU arent trained in treating kids with childhood disorders. He needs the proper professionals in his life that can help him access the tools to grow into the best possible adult he can be. This does not mean he is going to be a defiant, out of control adult. However, without the proper care now he will spiral more and more out of control. If he isnt defiant now, he may well turn defiant as a teen or young adult. Feeling as out of control as he has to without getting any help may cause him to act out later. That is always my fear for kids who dont get good mental health care early.