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General Parenting
The Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) Just Ain't Cuttin' It
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 73910" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Reading all the responses, I need to share with you - I think sometimes we are the best therapists and support our children could have.</p><p></p><p>We don't have Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in Australia - nothing like it. If something like it DOES exist it is the best kept secret imaginable. </p><p></p><p>So we manage. And sometimes we don't. Kids who break the law repeatedly get sent to juvie, where they get a program similar to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) you describe Dylan is in. Only they're more insistent about school.</p><p></p><p>We have "Boys Town" which sounds closer to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - it's a charity which is like a halfway house between juvie and wherever. We have some boarding schools which are run like an army barracks. Some of these get great results. Some don't. It comes back to the child, in a lot of cases. One family I know - sent both their kids to the best schools. Daughter did brilliantly, son did drugs. Decades later he's still a waste of space. His parents were the best, did everything right. But he was a delayed adoption and had so much damage before he ever arrived, and not all their money and all their love and all their expertise could undo it.</p><p></p><p>I'm (slowly) working on a book about raising kids who are different. The main premise of the book is that parents need to learn to listen to themselves, to trust their instincts and if professional advice seems totally wrong, to be prepared to break the rules. We know our kids best and often get better results doing it our own way than by trying to find professional assistance which STILL is going to need our input to get it right. Assuming they WANT our input.</p><p>This is not to say that a parent with really way-out ideas (such as staring into the sun gives you all the nourishment you need) is going to be getting the best results - but that if you look around at all the other methods recommended, examine it all in the light of your own child, and then try things your own way for a while and examine the results (comparing them to things you've already tried) then often what works best is what we have gleaned for ourselves and adapted to our own child.</p><p></p><p>Some people do luck out - they find a placement which suits their child perfectly. But what I say - if you examine this closely, you will find that if those parents had done this all themselves, they would have found themselves doing the same things this perfect placement is also doing.</p><p></p><p>For those who haven't found the perfect placement - it may not exist, for your child. That doesn't mean you stop looking. But never underestimate your own ability, especially if you allow yourself to make use of whatever resources you feel you need and don't beat yourself up about things too much.</p><p></p><p>Or to summarise - if all else fails and you can't explain properly to another mob (who frankly are doing a job, it's not a life's work for them as it is for you) then acknowledge that you could take the same effort you're putting into this futility now, and put it directly into your own child, and probably get better results.</p><p></p><p>Don't expect perfection. Just expect the best you can do.</p><p></p><p>And if, further down the track, you find the 'perfect' placement, it's going to have to be darn good to be better than your own expertise and dedication can manage. If it is - great. If not, you know that the best fallback sometimes - is you.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 73910, member: 1991"] Reading all the responses, I need to share with you - I think sometimes we are the best therapists and support our children could have. We don't have Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in Australia - nothing like it. If something like it DOES exist it is the best kept secret imaginable. So we manage. And sometimes we don't. Kids who break the law repeatedly get sent to juvie, where they get a program similar to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) you describe Dylan is in. Only they're more insistent about school. We have "Boys Town" which sounds closer to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - it's a charity which is like a halfway house between juvie and wherever. We have some boarding schools which are run like an army barracks. Some of these get great results. Some don't. It comes back to the child, in a lot of cases. One family I know - sent both their kids to the best schools. Daughter did brilliantly, son did drugs. Decades later he's still a waste of space. His parents were the best, did everything right. But he was a delayed adoption and had so much damage before he ever arrived, and not all their money and all their love and all their expertise could undo it. I'm (slowly) working on a book about raising kids who are different. The main premise of the book is that parents need to learn to listen to themselves, to trust their instincts and if professional advice seems totally wrong, to be prepared to break the rules. We know our kids best and often get better results doing it our own way than by trying to find professional assistance which STILL is going to need our input to get it right. Assuming they WANT our input. This is not to say that a parent with really way-out ideas (such as staring into the sun gives you all the nourishment you need) is going to be getting the best results - but that if you look around at all the other methods recommended, examine it all in the light of your own child, and then try things your own way for a while and examine the results (comparing them to things you've already tried) then often what works best is what we have gleaned for ourselves and adapted to our own child. Some people do luck out - they find a placement which suits their child perfectly. But what I say - if you examine this closely, you will find that if those parents had done this all themselves, they would have found themselves doing the same things this perfect placement is also doing. For those who haven't found the perfect placement - it may not exist, for your child. That doesn't mean you stop looking. But never underestimate your own ability, especially if you allow yourself to make use of whatever resources you feel you need and don't beat yourself up about things too much. Or to summarise - if all else fails and you can't explain properly to another mob (who frankly are doing a job, it's not a life's work for them as it is for you) then acknowledge that you could take the same effort you're putting into this futility now, and put it directly into your own child, and probably get better results. Don't expect perfection. Just expect the best you can do. And if, further down the track, you find the 'perfect' placement, it's going to have to be darn good to be better than your own expertise and dedication can manage. If it is - great. If not, you know that the best fallback sometimes - is you. Marg [/QUOTE]
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