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The Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) Just Ain't Cuttin' It
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 74224" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>"Explosive Child" has worked well for us (although it's not fixed everything, just improved things a lot) and I know it doesn't work for everybody. We each do what works for us. If we had the opportunity to swap our kids around, I suspect we'd all do a lot worse, because over the years you get to have a 'feel' for your own child and to adapt and manage (as best you can) accordingly. And for a lot of us, that 'best' is just not good enough - it's why we're here.</p><p></p><p>We each do what we can in our own way. Each of us is an expert on our own child(ren). I have forgiven a lot from other people who post very different things to my own belief systems because I recognise that we ARE all coming from different places. Sometimes when we're especially steamed up about what's happening with our own kids, we are more likely to ride roughshod over other people's different opinions. But we should be tolerant of this because we all run the risk of doing this.</p><p></p><p>There is a lot I could say sometimes which would probably cut to the quick, or really upset someone with, say, a different political or religious point of view. But knowing the risk, I shut up. I currently have serious concerns with difficult child 1 and some rather concerning religious views which are in total conflict with everything he's ever been taught - but I know enough about our different cultures to not raise this in a thread because culturally, we are too different. Sometimes I see posts in which people either don't seem to 'get' what I tried to say, or have said something I find confronting - I walk away because sometimes you have to know when to not even try. If I know (or even strongly suspect) that what I want to say to someone is going to have absolutely zero impact, or is only likely to upset them or enrage them with absolutely no positive outcome, then I say nothing.</p><p></p><p>But that's me.</p><p></p><p>Some people simply say what they feel they need to, to vent what is upsetting them.</p><p></p><p>It is our choice as to whether we take this personally, or shrug and walk away. Although we support one another on this site, another person's problem should always remain just that - another person's problem. And it's the same with points of view - we can share t hem, we can maybe even accept a change in our own opinion if someone says something that brings a light bulb moment, but if it is not positive for us, we do not (and should not) take it on board.</p><p></p><p>Janna has strong views on a number of issues - these views have been determined by her own experiences. I don't always agree with her and she knows it, but I respect that she is entitled to those views, as I am to mine. And you are to yours, if you also disagree.</p><p></p><p>I do feel that in getting bogged down on this, we are getting badly off topic. And that is not helping Dylan or Janna.</p><p></p><p>For each of us, we have all experienced the sinking stomach feeling of another person criticising our parenting methods. Sometimes it is a friend, sometimes it is family, sometimes it is a health professional. And we feel we have to jump in and say our piece, in order to reinstate our good name as parents. But do we really? Some people will refuse to be convinced no matter what we say. If we are constantly reacting to other (often ignorant) people's criticisms, we are wasting too much valuable time and energy which we could put to better use on ourselves and our children.</p><p>When we feel personally attacked, we have two choices - take it on board as personal criticism (which gives it some degree of validity) or shrug and say, "Sorry, you're wrong there, that's not me," and walk away. People can say what they like - WE are the ones who choose to let it hurt us, or not. And I have too much else to do that's far more important to me.</p><p></p><p>When we feel attacked, that doesn't mean attack was intended. And even if it was, it only hits the mark when we allow it to. </p><p></p><p>If we can't learn this ourselves, how can we teach it to our children?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 74224, member: 1991"] "Explosive Child" has worked well for us (although it's not fixed everything, just improved things a lot) and I know it doesn't work for everybody. We each do what works for us. If we had the opportunity to swap our kids around, I suspect we'd all do a lot worse, because over the years you get to have a 'feel' for your own child and to adapt and manage (as best you can) accordingly. And for a lot of us, that 'best' is just not good enough - it's why we're here. We each do what we can in our own way. Each of us is an expert on our own child(ren). I have forgiven a lot from other people who post very different things to my own belief systems because I recognise that we ARE all coming from different places. Sometimes when we're especially steamed up about what's happening with our own kids, we are more likely to ride roughshod over other people's different opinions. But we should be tolerant of this because we all run the risk of doing this. There is a lot I could say sometimes which would probably cut to the quick, or really upset someone with, say, a different political or religious point of view. But knowing the risk, I shut up. I currently have serious concerns with difficult child 1 and some rather concerning religious views which are in total conflict with everything he's ever been taught - but I know enough about our different cultures to not raise this in a thread because culturally, we are too different. Sometimes I see posts in which people either don't seem to 'get' what I tried to say, or have said something I find confronting - I walk away because sometimes you have to know when to not even try. If I know (or even strongly suspect) that what I want to say to someone is going to have absolutely zero impact, or is only likely to upset them or enrage them with absolutely no positive outcome, then I say nothing. But that's me. Some people simply say what they feel they need to, to vent what is upsetting them. It is our choice as to whether we take this personally, or shrug and walk away. Although we support one another on this site, another person's problem should always remain just that - another person's problem. And it's the same with points of view - we can share t hem, we can maybe even accept a change in our own opinion if someone says something that brings a light bulb moment, but if it is not positive for us, we do not (and should not) take it on board. Janna has strong views on a number of issues - these views have been determined by her own experiences. I don't always agree with her and she knows it, but I respect that she is entitled to those views, as I am to mine. And you are to yours, if you also disagree. I do feel that in getting bogged down on this, we are getting badly off topic. And that is not helping Dylan or Janna. For each of us, we have all experienced the sinking stomach feeling of another person criticising our parenting methods. Sometimes it is a friend, sometimes it is family, sometimes it is a health professional. And we feel we have to jump in and say our piece, in order to reinstate our good name as parents. But do we really? Some people will refuse to be convinced no matter what we say. If we are constantly reacting to other (often ignorant) people's criticisms, we are wasting too much valuable time and energy which we could put to better use on ourselves and our children. When we feel personally attacked, we have two choices - take it on board as personal criticism (which gives it some degree of validity) or shrug and say, "Sorry, you're wrong there, that's not me," and walk away. People can say what they like - WE are the ones who choose to let it hurt us, or not. And I have too much else to do that's far more important to me. When we feel attacked, that doesn't mean attack was intended. And even if it was, it only hits the mark when we allow it to. If we can't learn this ourselves, how can we teach it to our children? Marg [/QUOTE]
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