The roller coaster continues!!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, May 7, 2014.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hi Everyone,

    A big sigh over here! So I got the dreaded phone call today. My son was discharged from the program he has been in for over 6 months! The good news is he was not kicked out because of substance use but because of his attitude.... I had this bad feeling when we saw him last night that his attitude was off and he would soon spiral downward. I guess in a weird way I am glad they kicked him out now rather than waiting until he did something really stupid!!

    So I got the call and was also told he had been convinced to turn himself into drug court and had asked that I meet him at the court. I thought this was actually a good sign as I had every expectation that if he was ever to leave the program he would run for it.

    So I did go and meet him. The drug court folks were very surprised and glad he showed up. They felt that he has been sober for 10 months and so jail would not be a good place for him. They want him to find another bed.. his hope is to go to some kind of sober living and that might be an option. But of course the question was what about tonight and the next few days while they try to find him a bed? He asked if I would put him up in a motel..... he cant come home because my daughter is home from college and I wont do that to her. He said he would go to the all day out patient program for drug court until they find him a bed. So I agreed to that as I know his being on the street or with unsavory friends is not a good idea and I dont think jail is a good place for him given where he is at.

    It is defintiely a big step backwards but he has made progress.... and his attitude today was good...

    So we went in front of the drug court judge... a new one. The judge asked him to tell her about himself and he did a good job, definitely owning up to stuff. He said he has a history of running from programs and today he did not run which is true. The PO and the drug court folks spoke of trying to get him a bed and supported him also. They mentioned his mother was there and the judge asked me if I wanted to say anything. I said that he had stayed at the program for 6 months which is the longest he had ever stayed and that the reason for leaving was not substance abuse... that I was willing to show I loved him and support him as long as he is doing the right thing but would not support him doing bad things.

    So the judge allowed the plan and said in court that one thing that really influenced her was what I had said. I think my son heard that and appreciated that I am in his corner.

    So I got him a room (in a nice hotel because that is the only thing near the outpatient program) adn some snacks... and he is getting picked up in the morning by the drug court person.

    So we shall see.... I really hope they find something for him tomorrow and that it works out ok.

    I have had 6 months of good night sleeps.


    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh, TL, I am so sorry. I know that you hoped he would stay longer. On a good note, though, he has done the right things after he left and a sober house would be a good next step.

    However, I know how scary it is when you don't know what will happen next. I will keep a good thought that he will keep making the right choices.

  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Holding good thoughts for your son TL, and for you.

    He is being honest. He is keeping contact. He knows you love and support him. He acknowledges the value of a day treatment program and is willing to enter another, less restrictive program when that becomes available.

    It was the right thing, to get him the room, and to be there with him in court.

    You made a difference.

    Wishing every success for you, and for your family.

  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hated those calls and I know how much you do too. I saw that with my difficult child many times, she would start to get an attitude or push the rules and she would get called on it and so her attitude would get worse and eventually she would get kicked out. She lost many jobs that way also.

    Maybe he was getting restless and it was time for him to have a bit more freedom. I understand that with freedom comes responsibility and we fear that with our difficult children, but I do so hope he wants to stay clean this time and that they find him a bed very soon.

    Crossing my fingers for you TL, and sending all my support.
  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    TL, there's an old expression, "Sometimes a slip prevents a fall." Your son slipped, but hasn't fallen. That's a learning experience, and I have confidence in him!
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Ok so the good news is he has a bed tomorrow in a holding place until he gets into a program. I am picking him up in the morning and taking him.

    As I thought about it I think it is good in a backwards sort of way that he was kicked out. I knew Monday night when I saw him that his attitude was slipping and that he was headed towards his self destructive self sabatoging behavior. I think by kicking him out they put a stop to that and gave him a wake up call before he really slipped badly. And he now seems to be doing the right things. I think they are trying to get him into another program that is less restrictive than the one he is in but still provides some structure etc.

    Its been a lot of driving for me the last couple of days and tomorrow... and so I am a little frazzled etc.... but in the end I think this will be for the best.


    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm hopeful too TL. I really believe he was getting restless and ready to move on.
  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    So he got into the transitional/holding place today which he will stay at until he gets into some other kind of program or halfway house approved by drug court. He seemed in a pretty good place although he was not all that communicative with me. I have an opinion about which program I think he should try and get into but I am keeping my mouth shut.... and letting him find his way.

    At least I know he is relatively safe and not in jail which is a huge relief. I am just so glad not to be in that place of obsessive worry of him being on the streets! And I think maybe just maybe he is viewing this differently than in the past. He seems willing to do this and he has been clean for 11 months.


    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  9. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Wishing the best for you and your son, TL.

    My son also had to leave his strict sober living program. Now in a less restrictive place. He has maintained his sobriety, so far, for the past five months.

    Sometimes they are just ready to move on. Hopefully he will continue to work the program keeping in mind that he knows you have your boundaries should he act out.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good luck TL...hoping for the best
  11. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    TL, I'm glad he is somewhere. Somewhere allows us to relax and take a deep breath again.

    I know we always are hoping that THIS TIME is THE time. I am learning, though, that we must adjust our expectations and hopes here.

    It's going to look chaotic and messy and it's not going to go in a straight line.

    Like my SO says: It took a long time to walk into the forest. It takes a long time to walk out of the forest.

    For our difficult children and for us.

    I hope the walk continues, TL. Prayers and hugs for you all.
  12. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Always hoping for the best outcome for you and son.

  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Hoping he is going to be just fine TL!! Sounds like he is still doing okay! That is good. :)

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app