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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 408522" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hey Zoni Mom! </p><p> </p><p>How are ya today? Frazzled? Defeated? Talking to yourself in the car on the way to work? Zombie eyed? You know, there were days when I seriously wondered if the right person in the house was being medicated. No really - I can remember sitting in the psychiatrists office while my son sat 3 seats away from me with his hoodie over his head and a pillow over his face not talking to the "stupid #(*$&* ing doctor" and looking at the man and saying "Well I think today you should just get out your handy dandy note pad and write ME a prescription for something - maybe Valium?" and I was stone-cold serious. Actually I wanted something stronger, but I never took medication so that was the only thing that came to mind, well that and I watched a Western once where this woman in Tombstone took Laudnum and just laughed and laughed and hardly ever got out of bed....that looked fun, not functional but then again....can't end up in the state bed and breakfast and loose my job now can I? ahem. </p><p> </p><p>I see that your life hasn't been peaches and roses. WOW. I know that had to be really hard for you. I'm so sorry. My guess would be that somewhere along the line there must have been a lot of therapy for you for that, and you're probably sick to death with anything that has to do with mental health. I would be too. I am actually. Fifteen years of counseling for an abusive ex, and a kid that made me have a stroke? I get it! However, it is what it is, and it's beyond stressful - so somewhere along the line there has to be someone for you. Unfortunately that can't be a girlfriend, a co-worker, a family member, and it should be someone who specializes in children and more importantly children who have conduct disorder and understand that you are at your witts end. Reason I say this is I was in therapy, I was on medication for depression and I still had a stroke. I thought I was having a heart attack- nope. And my childs reaction to the entire thing from his juvenille jail house visit to his step-dad? Oh is she gonna be okay? Can I have some money for a candy bar? I mean - somewhere in there you either have to pretend they care, or know that their brains are wired so differently you detach and move on. </p><p> </p><p>I'm really with svenghandi's thinking on the medication here. So now I would guess your next question is how do you get them into a psychiatric hospital? Well - the criteria is danger to self or others, and usually these kids are SO smart they play their cards really close to their chest. At 16 you would have to be careful because there is a fine line between what is an arrestable offense and getting him to the hospital. Danger to self and others means just that. If he's ever threatened suicide or has self-harming behaviors you could call 911 and get him into the hospital without having him jailed. If you call 911 because he's attacking you or his sister? Then the law arrests him for domestic violence. Not good for him. That's a felony. Not really sure how you could do this - maybe his therapist would have some suggestions but he DOES need to be observed without ANY medications and then have some medications trialed, and added slowly to see which will help him with his therapy. </p><p> </p><p>The burden of most of this however is going to lay with him and you. Sadly you are going to have to learn the fine art of DETACHMENT. The other wonderful thing I can suggest that will make your world a bunch better? Effective communication. It's a lot like a secret language - no I'm not kidding. For me it was the difference between getting things done, and NOT with my son. There is a book out called How to listen so your teen will talk and how to talk so your teen will listen. or something to that effect......and it is awesome. You do like a chapter a week. It has worksheets in it. It's funny, upbeat. It teaches you things that you can not only learn and use with your kids - but with everyone. Give it a try and put it to use and see if it helps. </p><p> </p><p>Those would be my suggestions - and the other thing I would BEG for.......I would find a local agency that has big brother...type of thing and BEG BEG BEG for the upcomming summer or get your son signed up for something NOW because most places lists close by the end of Feb. for Summer. </p><p>Get him a big brother for the summer where he is volunteering with someone that can help him keep busy. </p><p> </p><p>Hope this helps. </p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 408522, member: 4964"] Hey Zoni Mom! How are ya today? Frazzled? Defeated? Talking to yourself in the car on the way to work? Zombie eyed? You know, there were days when I seriously wondered if the right person in the house was being medicated. No really - I can remember sitting in the psychiatrists office while my son sat 3 seats away from me with his hoodie over his head and a pillow over his face not talking to the "stupid #(*$&* ing doctor" and looking at the man and saying "Well I think today you should just get out your handy dandy note pad and write ME a prescription for something - maybe Valium?" and I was stone-cold serious. Actually I wanted something stronger, but I never took medication so that was the only thing that came to mind, well that and I watched a Western once where this woman in Tombstone took Laudnum and just laughed and laughed and hardly ever got out of bed....that looked fun, not functional but then again....can't end up in the state bed and breakfast and loose my job now can I? ahem. I see that your life hasn't been peaches and roses. WOW. I know that had to be really hard for you. I'm so sorry. My guess would be that somewhere along the line there must have been a lot of therapy for you for that, and you're probably sick to death with anything that has to do with mental health. I would be too. I am actually. Fifteen years of counseling for an abusive ex, and a kid that made me have a stroke? I get it! However, it is what it is, and it's beyond stressful - so somewhere along the line there has to be someone for you. Unfortunately that can't be a girlfriend, a co-worker, a family member, and it should be someone who specializes in children and more importantly children who have conduct disorder and understand that you are at your witts end. Reason I say this is I was in therapy, I was on medication for depression and I still had a stroke. I thought I was having a heart attack- nope. And my childs reaction to the entire thing from his juvenille jail house visit to his step-dad? Oh is she gonna be okay? Can I have some money for a candy bar? I mean - somewhere in there you either have to pretend they care, or know that their brains are wired so differently you detach and move on. I'm really with svenghandi's thinking on the medication here. So now I would guess your next question is how do you get them into a psychiatric hospital? Well - the criteria is danger to self or others, and usually these kids are SO smart they play their cards really close to their chest. At 16 you would have to be careful because there is a fine line between what is an arrestable offense and getting him to the hospital. Danger to self and others means just that. If he's ever threatened suicide or has self-harming behaviors you could call 911 and get him into the hospital without having him jailed. If you call 911 because he's attacking you or his sister? Then the law arrests him for domestic violence. Not good for him. That's a felony. Not really sure how you could do this - maybe his therapist would have some suggestions but he DOES need to be observed without ANY medications and then have some medications trialed, and added slowly to see which will help him with his therapy. The burden of most of this however is going to lay with him and you. Sadly you are going to have to learn the fine art of DETACHMENT. The other wonderful thing I can suggest that will make your world a bunch better? Effective communication. It's a lot like a secret language - no I'm not kidding. For me it was the difference between getting things done, and NOT with my son. There is a book out called How to listen so your teen will talk and how to talk so your teen will listen. or something to that effect......and it is awesome. You do like a chapter a week. It has worksheets in it. It's funny, upbeat. It teaches you things that you can not only learn and use with your kids - but with everyone. Give it a try and put it to use and see if it helps. Those would be my suggestions - and the other thing I would BEG for.......I would find a local agency that has big brother...type of thing and BEG BEG BEG for the upcomming summer or get your son signed up for something NOW because most places lists close by the end of Feb. for Summer. Get him a big brother for the summer where he is volunteering with someone that can help him keep busy. Hope this helps. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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