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The Saga Continues: wow....just wow. :(
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<blockquote data-quote="Hope_Floats" data-source="post: 644415" data-attributes="member: 18310"><p>Awww, dang. I'm so sorry. Yeah, that was fast. I (along with everybody else here) was SOOO pulling for him. Even when you expect it, it is SO disappointing. When you give them EVERY opportunity to get some traction. I wonder if he just decided not to show up for work that day you wouldn't give him a ride, so he could blame you for it, at least in his mind. And of course he wasn't worried about the rent. Mom will take care of it. I think some of them have that crap tattooed on the inside of their forehead: Mom (or Dad, or both) will take care of it. And we don't help dispel that myth when we tell them that we're done, that they need to walk to work (I think in your instance it was "unless it's raining"), and then call and OFFER a ride, etc. They get mixed messages because they hear that we get upset and say things, but then we are still there doing that stuff anyway.</p><p></p><p>In my case, when that was happening to me, I would get fed up and say things like "I'm done" in anger, frustration, disappointment, whatever....and then later soften and feel guilty or that I was too harsh. It helped when I could detach more from those emotions and say "I'm done" not out of those emotions, but from a very calculated, strategic, calm and certain "This is best for me AND you......AND I know you are capable of becoming an adult if you CHOOSE to - your choice" position. That took a long time. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there, L&J. I'm sad with you. Sigh. You sure did try.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hope_Floats, post: 644415, member: 18310"] Awww, dang. I'm so sorry. Yeah, that was fast. I (along with everybody else here) was SOOO pulling for him. Even when you expect it, it is SO disappointing. When you give them EVERY opportunity to get some traction. I wonder if he just decided not to show up for work that day you wouldn't give him a ride, so he could blame you for it, at least in his mind. And of course he wasn't worried about the rent. Mom will take care of it. I think some of them have that crap tattooed on the inside of their forehead: Mom (or Dad, or both) will take care of it. And we don't help dispel that myth when we tell them that we're done, that they need to walk to work (I think in your instance it was "unless it's raining"), and then call and OFFER a ride, etc. They get mixed messages because they hear that we get upset and say things, but then we are still there doing that stuff anyway. In my case, when that was happening to me, I would get fed up and say things like "I'm done" in anger, frustration, disappointment, whatever....and then later soften and feel guilty or that I was too harsh. It helped when I could detach more from those emotions and say "I'm done" not out of those emotions, but from a very calculated, strategic, calm and certain "This is best for me AND you......AND I know you are capable of becoming an adult if you CHOOSE to - your choice" position. That took a long time. Hang in there, L&J. I'm sad with you. Sigh. You sure did try. [/QUOTE]
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