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The Saga Continues: wow....just wow. :(
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 644441" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Lil I slowly learned that I could not do One. Single. Thing. To help my son for a long long time. Time had to pass and when we talked or texted or saw each other I had to have nothing in my hands to offer him. Nothing but saying I love you and I wish you well. </p><p></p><p>Some people do everything the hardest possible way. That is my son. </p><p></p><p>Some people can accept a little help along the way and still keep on helping themselves. </p><p></p><p>It took me a long long time and much bewilderment, wasted money, energy and advice, and heartbreak before I could completely stop. </p><p></p><p>All I had was I love you and I wish you well. </p><p></p><p>Then more time went by and now it appears he is changing. I am still keeping my distance. Today he has not asked me for any money in weeks. I gave him Christmas presents. When he was here at Christmas he had a list of things he needed and he asked If we had any extra bowls because he didn't have any. We gave him three cereal bowls. He had about 10 more things on the list many of which I had here but I didn't offer anything else and he didn't ask. I still felt the old pull and tug to "help" but it is not help to take away the dignity of someone who must learn to live life on his own. </p><p></p><p>That is the task: to learn how to stop, and then to live it day after day. We have to have tools that we use daily to learn how to do this. It is too hard to do it on our own.</p><p></p><p>Once we start to get it it is a blessed relief and a period of true personal growth for us. It is a chance for us to change for the better in all our relationships. </p><p></p><p>Right now he has a chance to learn something new. You do too. Try to get really clear and simple about what is next and relax into it. It will take enormous self control and discipline and help from your higher power, just as it will eventually for him. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 644441, member: 17542"] Lil I slowly learned that I could not do One. Single. Thing. To help my son for a long long time. Time had to pass and when we talked or texted or saw each other I had to have nothing in my hands to offer him. Nothing but saying I love you and I wish you well. Some people do everything the hardest possible way. That is my son. Some people can accept a little help along the way and still keep on helping themselves. It took me a long long time and much bewilderment, wasted money, energy and advice, and heartbreak before I could completely stop. All I had was I love you and I wish you well. Then more time went by and now it appears he is changing. I am still keeping my distance. Today he has not asked me for any money in weeks. I gave him Christmas presents. When he was here at Christmas he had a list of things he needed and he asked If we had any extra bowls because he didn't have any. We gave him three cereal bowls. He had about 10 more things on the list many of which I had here but I didn't offer anything else and he didn't ask. I still felt the old pull and tug to "help" but it is not help to take away the dignity of someone who must learn to live life on his own. That is the task: to learn how to stop, and then to live it day after day. We have to have tools that we use daily to learn how to do this. It is too hard to do it on our own. Once we start to get it it is a blessed relief and a period of true personal growth for us. It is a chance for us to change for the better in all our relationships. Right now he has a chance to learn something new. You do too. Try to get really clear and simple about what is next and relax into it. It will take enormous self control and discipline and help from your higher power, just as it will eventually for him. Warm hugs today. [/QUOTE]
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