The sheer gall.........

[Hound dog]

I swear if I could've crawled through the computer screen........

Now I was a nice Nana and bought katie's kids their school supplies. easy child was a nice Aunt and found that we have that giveaway for school supplies and clothing at the fairgrounds so that katie's kids would have some new clothes to wear to school. I even offered to take them.

So..........

I get messaged back tonight that katie has found that community action is giving away bookbags filled with supplies the same day the of the fairground event and would I please take her and the kids so they can get their bookbags?

Really? Really? REALLY?

I told her no. Most of this county is out of work and there has to be enough school supplies to go around to ALL the kids that are in need. omg! I did tell her I might pick them all up in the morning and we might make a day of it with dinner in the evening. But there is no way in hades I'm taking them to community action to get school supplies and backpacks they already have! If she so much as attempts to get one thing that is not an article of clothing at the fairgrounds, I am sooooo gonna go off on her in front of God and everyone! AND she and the kids will walk home.

Talk about an issue of entitlement. Greedy *8&^&^*)&^%%^%$$#$(*^%* (insert color cuss words) idiot.

This is the same crud she did at xmas. She called all over creation telling everyone the kids weren't going to have a xmas knowing full well the family was taking care of it.

One step forward and ten steps back.

 

[susiestar]

I FULLY understand your ire!!!!! Esp as tight as your budget is. I would tell her that sure, you will take her to go get the free stuff but she will explain to the grands, IN FRONT OF YOU, that they must give back ALL the school supplies that you purchased as their mother wants to be greedy and take as much free school supplies as she can possible get her paws on and that would mean that other kids, likely even some of their friends, won't be able to get school supplies from the free community supply giveaway. SO if they want the free supplies from the giveaway it is fine with you, but they MUST donate ALL, every single tiny bit, of the supplies that you gave them to the giveaway so that other kids will also have enough school supplies.

I am willing to bet that the kids will see her greed for what it is.

 

[KTMom91]

I don't even know what to say.

 

[tiredmommy]

She has an incredible sense of entitlement!!!!

 

[keista]

WOW, just wow. But I'm not surprised. I see this kind of thing happen every year at Xmas. I remember some years when the "really poor" ppl we knew had 4X as much under the tree as my kids did. Some parents signed up for EVERY gift giveaway available. Ironic thing was that those kids turned around and re-gifted to their friends - they had 'enough'.

 

[DammitJanet]

Kiesta...I will be darned if I know how people do that! One time I tried to sign up for a program when my boys were little and it was before my dad trusted me and Tony much. (Do remember I was a difficult child and had to re-earn the trust in his eyes) So Tony and I were really tight money-wise and I looked for one of those Xmas programs. I found one and they gave very little but I was extremely thankful for what they gave. I certainly wouldnt have applied at more than one.

Oh...but..on another level...when I was a fraud caseworker for social services I actually prosecuted a woman who scammed the program we have here in our County called Christmas Stocking fund. This woman came all the way down from the Raleigh area to my dinky poor county to apply for this fund. You only get $25 per child! She claimed 4 kids. She had "proof" of a residence in my county and said she had left her husband several months before and wasnt working.

Well turns out this woman lived in Raleigh with her husband who worked for one of the big named pharmaceutical companies up there and they brought home well into the 6 figures! Her husband was sooooo embarrassed about this whole thing. It was just a joke to his wife. She had been down in my county visiting one of her relatives and decided to see if she could scam us. What a witch.

 

[gcvmom]

Sounds a lot like two of my sister in law's. They never seem to be satisfied with what they have. If one is good, 10 must be better in their minds.

 

[Stella Johnson]

Wow.... just wow. Not sure what to say. I do think if the kids want free school supplies they should either give yours back so you can turn them or donate them to the charity they want the free stuff from. I am going to bet the kids aren't going to want to trade their stuff for the free stuff. What a shame. What is it difficult child wants to do with even more supplies?

 

[DDD]

Makes me think of my best friend "choosing a name" from the Christmas tree in the mall. She saw it was a six year old girl and picked it up. Inside...omg...it had the specific name of the doll for the child. The doll was $55 bucks. Her children and grandchildren had never gotten a doll that cost more than twenty.
She debated whether to buy "a doll" and donate it or whether to return the the ornament. Finally she bought a babydoll and took it to the mall with the "name". The woman in charge said "oh, we can't give her that doll...she wants an X doll. What a strange world we live in! She gave it to a woman who had very little and that woman and her daughter were thrilled. DDD

 

[Steely]

Gulp............I would also go off like a Roman Firecracker if they did that. There are few things that make me that mad - but taking things from the needy because you are greedy.....OH NO NO NO.

 

[Mattsmom277]

Wow, just wow. I have known a few people who have done similar as well. I remember a couple of years back my difficult child bro freaked out when he tried to sign up to get help at Christmas for things for his youngest daughter. This was through a program run by the grandparents of a boy who was killed here during one our festivals, they did it in his memory, made Christmas for needy kids with a few special gifts off their lists. Well difficult child bro was denied assistance through them. The reason? There was more than one. First he had a 3 bedroom rent subsidized government run town house for which he paid $112 per month rent (market value is about $1100 per month), and he only had his daughter and his former step son every other weekend, holidays etc. So he lived there basically alone. He also received funding through a provincial disability program. He also worked as a personal support worker with a few autistic adult clients making decent money, but he only had half of that income considered via disability for deductions for earnings. he did NOT need a disability program, but he got it sneakily because he could get their money plus keep 50% of his earnings, and the disability program made him qualify for the cheap housing. His income was probably upwards of $3000 a month with that kind of reduced rent, and only supporting himself and then a few visits per month with the kids. Sure in summer he had them most of the time, but averaged through the year? They were not bankrupting him by any means. So there he was, denied free gifts that he was NOT in financial need of help for, and he through a temper tantrum in a rage at this set of grandparents for "being so cruel that a little girl won't have gifts from Santa". OMG I was never more ashamed to share a last name with someone.

Sorry your daughter continues to not realize the gift it is for others to be willing to help. I think your plan to not bring her there is a good one. I'd be tempted to keep her busy ALL DAY so she can't find an alternate means of transporting herself there.

The good side of this story is the kids have supplies. You're a good nana!

 

[donna723]

OMG! What nerve! I would rat her out too! In a heartbeat!

That reminds me so much of some neighbors I had when my daughter was just a few months old! I was on my own then, living in an apartment complex and went back to work full time when she was six weeks old. So I was paying rent, utilities, food and day care, all out of my tiny little paychecks. She was born the beginning of October and I actually had bought all her gifts for her first Christmas by the beginning of November that year and loved shopping for them. There was a married couple across the hall from me who had a baby the same age as my daughter. He worked full time but she stayed home with the baby. He probably made a lot more than I did. The government paid their rent for them, probably their utilities too, and they were on just about every other kind of public assistant they could get. And I swear, every time that woman cooked a meal she would be knocking on my door to borrow my salt and pepper! And one of those times she was over mooching condiments, about two weeks before Christmas, she asked me when I was going to go to the Salvation Army and get Christmas gifts for my daughter! I was just floored! It had never even occurred to me to do that! She probably wanted to mooch a ride down there too! Apparently living off of public assistance and "the kindness of others" was a long standing family tradition because she talked about her mother and grandmother doing the same thing! And after she got all her free stuff from the Salvation Army (more than my kid got!) she came over to borrow my wrapping paper, ribbons and scotch tape!

I have absolutely nothing against people who really need help getting some temporary assistance to get back on their feet, especially in economic times like these and when children are involved! But it should just be temporary! These people who make a lifestyle out of living off of the government and well meaning charities just burn me up! I guess it's because nobody has ever given me anything! I worked hard all my adult life for what little I do have and I've done without a lot of things I really needed because I just couldn't afford them. So it just infuriates me to see people who just slide through doing absolutely nothing who seem to think they are entitled to it somehow!

 

[AnnieO]

Mom did this a couple years back - picked a family from the Kroger tree.

You should have seen some of the things on the list. Skechers shoes are the one I remember.

Grr. Mom got with the lady in charge of THAT one and exchanged for a family that asked for "some towels or sheets, maybe if you can a babydoll for our little girl".

 

[DDD]

Amen, Step. DDD

 

[Star*]

Well-----On the opposite end of the coin......

Last year I was in the Goodwill center......it's the place where ALL the merchandise from ALL the retail stores comes when it doesn't sell in the goodwill stores that is donated. It's the Clearance Center. Now sometimes stuff that comes through there is nice - but most of the time? It's a rat race to get it unless you go there all the time, and know exactly what to look for.

So there is this lady. Rather demented, and she had picked three names off the local Angel tree. Okay so she had her buggy and in it? Were the "gifts" she was gifting for the three families. Now one year I can honestly say that Dude and I were nominated as recipients and I had NO clue someone did it for us. It was the first year I had left my X, we had been homeless, and I had just gotten a job, JUST gotten a place for us to live, and JUST gotten back on my feet. I didn't take charity from ANYONE, and I wasn't getting assistance except for 1 month of foodstamps. So this was a huge shock to go to the fair grounds and pick up toys for Dude - there was a basket there for me as well. It just made me cry because it was ALL new things. But....this demented woman in the Goodwill?

She was telling me how she picked THREE names off the Angel tree every year, and shopped at the GW - for each of the kids on the lists she got. While I got her heart felt meaning. The things that she picked were very dirty, tattered, worn. The things that were asked by the family were NECESSARY items. Socks, shoes, a coat. The mother asked for a toaster, and while there are toasters at the dollar store for I think $10.00 new, and some that come in there that are LIKE new...the one she picked had roach poop on it, and was filthy. She said She even found a bag to just DROP it in. SO......Three families that year I'm sure were going to be very appreciative for her shopping. I'm not sure how things like that are handled when she would have dropped her items off - but When you can just go and grab names off the tree - or NOT be responsible for at least getting a child a clean used toy? I've never minded second hand anything - I raised Dude like that but he's NEVER asked for anything fancy.

Hound........I think there is a reason you are in Katies life - I have no doubts now. And before I pound her into the dirt......I'd say this much. After SO many years of her not having anything or taking what they did have and spending it for stupid things? I can see where she'd run to get all the free stuff she could and not think bad of herself - she's stockpiling. YES it infuriates everyone. But to her? It's a planning event, not so much taking from others.....because SHE HAS BEEN....."others" for so long to her this is how you survive. No one has ever done FOR her like you - so I think this is just knee jerk reaction to "If It's free- we must go, get and save it for when BAD happens." Not defending what she did or her today actions - but maybe this is what is going on in her mind - for her TOMORROW thiniking. If I lived with M? I know it sounds illogical - but maybe I'd grab all I could too since he's never really done anything for them - it's been up to her to do what she could, how she could. NO doubt - the thing today - NOT right. But it's good that you are there to guide her and help her and the kids. - Lesson learned.

 

[Hound dog]

Well, I just burned the girl's ears over the school supply deal. And I made it clear I'm taking her to the fairgrounds for clothing ONLY, not school supplies. While I was at it I also made it clear that around here if you get caught "double dipping" from multiple places for either xmas or school supplies you will get banned from all of them. In this small community people have very long memories. I was tactful, but not especially nice about it.

husband and I have been through plenty of very lean years, and years we did without. ONCE I used the program for xmas. It was when katie was living with us when Kayla was an infant......and due to that there was NO extra money for anything. Demand here is always high, so they didn't get much, but not much is better than nothing. husband and I cut down in other areas and scraped up enough to buy a couple of other things to fill it in. No way would I even begin to consider taking extra of what little they had to give out so that some other child might do without. omg

Step, I so hear you on that. Our family often picks a family in need to help at xmas. We chose carefully due to that sort of thing. Last year was katie's kids.....next year it will be another family. AND I plan to get katie's kids involved with working for money at Nana's or making the other family something for their xmas.

Katie's response was she wanted extra's because Alex destroys book bags ect and Evan doesn't take care of anything either. My response, they'd better learn or they'll do without, or YOU'LL buy it.

She posted today on fb that Evan cut up either Alex's or Kaylas blankets and sheets. These were brand new from the store. I think I'd have been tempted to beat the child. At the very least it would be the last time he'd be allowed upstairs except for bed and all scissors and the like would be put away and used only under direct supervision. And I told her so.

These kids aren't destructive because they're difficult children. (and the boys are definitely difficult children) They're destructive because of lack of parenting and the fact they've never had anything long enough to develop an attachment to them. They expect everything they have to be gone without warning and somehow magically restored (to some extent) later down the road. ugh I have visions of all 3 of her kids growing up to be major hoarders.

 

[Star*]

I love the working kids at Christmas to help =======THIS FAMILY NEEDED THEIR NANA!!!!!!!!

YOU SO ROCK HOUND.........lol - rock hound.....get it? Never mind. hahaha..

 

[Hound dog]

I burned her ears because she's got to learn. But I did explain WHY I burned her ears for it, as I would for a young child.

Star, you may be right and it may not be a greedy thing.........more along the lines of for all these years every time we turn around we have nothing again. Knee jerk, yup.

So, while I just wanted to rip her a new one and tell her what a selfish so and so it makes her look like, instead I explained why you don't do such things. I let her know in no uncertain terms that attitude is not acceptable. I'm not letting even the slightest thing slide anymore. If she's going to stay here, she has got to learn and learn quickly or she'll suddenly find herself with no help at all from anyone.

 

[Star*]

That's exactly what I figured you'd do Hound........See? I told you - YOU are in her life - for ABSOLUTES. Cause I'm certain had it been anyone else? We'd have ripped her a new one.....and she would have NEEDED the extra school supplies to fix her butt. (figuratively speaking) because as a nurse you know of course, you can fix rectal fissures with Elmers glue stick)

 

[susiestar]

I am glad she has you to burn her ears and give her the whys for the rules.

The kids tearing things up makes me think. She probably, at this point anyway, has no idea HOW to keep the kids from cutting up all the sheets, etc.... To any of us it would be simple - put the scissors/knives/sharp things up, make the kid do something to clean it up and make reparations and NEVER let him be upstairs alone again. I doubt katie has the mental/emotional resources/ability to think those things, much less do them. Maybe it is time to go and help her figure out how to make the house Evan proof. It sounds like Evan and Alex both have substantial disabilities and this may mean they cannot learn to not do this kind of thing with-o some real interventions. Katie has been walked all over for so long, and been satisfied in that situation for so long that she may not realize she CAN change. I just keep thinking back to that journal of her that you read.

This may be the kind of situation she needs to be taught how to handle. Is there any chance that KATIE has fetal alcohol exposure/syndrome/effects? Or prenatal exposure to some other substance? Some things with the boys sound that way and I really wonder if katie is truly capable of parenting at this point?

If nothing else, having Nana go and do some organizing, esp setting up a safe room for Kayla with maybe a lock or alarm on her door that will alert her when her bro's go int here, would help her learn to trust Nana and open up some.

Whatever is going on in katie's head (or not going on), at least the kids can now see that life doesn't have to be the way their parents are living it.

Is M still looking like he is on death's door?