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The Short Version Long... of Panic Attacks... and our Journey.
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 129364" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Toto, </p><p></p><p>((((((((HUGE HUGS))))) and earplugs. OMG my Dad could inhale forcefully the wallpaper off the walls. We went camping one time and people 2 campsites away banged on our camper door asking my Mother to please do something about my Dad's snoring. As children we thought this was hysterical - no one in our house ever slept when Dad did. </p><p></p><p>You know - right this second you are in a strange environment. Just because these people are Jeff's family - doesn't mean you are supposed to have kinship and know them immediately - getting to know any new environment and people is hard and THAT is if you have NO other outside stressors. You have to sit down for a minute and think about all what you and Jeff and K and N have been through in the last month. You've gone through a tremendous lot and sure you have added stress of worrying about your board family - and OF COURSE someone should sit down with you and say "Gosh Toto - I am so sorry for your friend, I am so sorry for you." and you aren't getting that. </p><p></p><p>It would seem your mother in law's way of dealing with all of this is to ignore it. Personally I wouldn't hold it against her - she's at an age where all her kids are grown and gone, her husband is in her home, sounds like either her dad or his dad lives there and by your own account his chainsaw nose and demanding dietary catering issues are a problem for her too. If it bothers you for 2 weeks - imagine living with him. I don't think your mother in law doesn't care - she just can't deal with anymore of anyone else's problems right now. AND TOO -and probably the largest factor - most people in her age group were brought up in a generation where the word MENTAL ILLNESS or even the thought of one of HER decendents having a 'quirk' is an direct reflection on her. (We know it may not be, but again - you aren't considering the generation she grew up in). </p><p></p><p>As far as Jeff - yelling. Well - the way I see it - he can't complain to his Mom - or his Dad - and he's been stuck in their house, with their rules, and their quirks and dealing with a manic wife and 2 kids who are out of sorts and he doesn't have anyone to unload on either. TRUE it would have been better for him to go scream at a tree, and telling you in a manic state to get over it - well again, better to scream at a tree or find a way through therapy to vent would have done more good than boxing you in a car and pointing out all your faults. I don't think he meant to be ugly Toto - I think he just is out of his element and had no one else - unloaded on you and knew you'd take it. When you aren't manic - you need to set the boundaries on fair fighting so it doesn't happen again. </p><p></p><p>As far as moving - Are you BOTH (you and J) sure that this is the absolute best move? What are his thoughts about living there with his parents? Do you forsee that down the road you will be the caregiver for his family and feel trapped at this point? Something I think is really biting at you and I don't know what it is. Does J understand the "rules of the move" as far as each persons role in what chores will be expected of them? </p><p></p><p>Maybe NOW is a good time to sit with J and really examine IF you want this move. Family can be a blessing and/or a strain on a marriage. Do you think having or being around the family is a plus or do you have a future fear that you're going to have added work in taking care of them too? Not that you don't love them but considering the girls - and yourself - this isn't going to be able to be an option. And maybe in defense of J's parents - maybe I'm all wrong - maybe THEY are at an impasse in their lives where they like how things are, they are coasting into being seniors - and now your family has been there two weeks giving them a taste of what your's and Jeff's life is like and they don't like it at ALL! They weren't prepared for it and don't want to be? Never that they don't love the girls - but even MY mom wouldn't babysit - I think once in Dudes 17 years - she watched him at her convenience. That's fine - I didn't have a child to make her a babysitter. No regrets. </p><p></p><p>Give today - the time you need to figure out when you and Jeff can get away without the stress of that house, the girls, finding a home if you are going to stay get the home you want - you and I talked about dreams - are those not coming to fruition? Could that be a stressful thing? Sure - But you need to talk to J - let him know how you feel. </p><p></p><p>Right now you're just under too much stress to make any good decision. Two weeks of living with a human lumber mill will do that to anyone with sensory issues. And WHY are you cooking all the time? For staying there? If it's something you WANT to do - fine. If not - you need to talk to your mother in law and work out a schedule. I know you are a phenominal cook - but Jeeze lousie - you ain't chef Puck. Get out of domestica for a while - even Chuckie Cheese once a week would be a welcome (but barfy) relief. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p><p></p><p>Hugs To you - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 129364, member: 4964"] Toto, ((((((((HUGE HUGS))))) and earplugs. OMG my Dad could inhale forcefully the wallpaper off the walls. We went camping one time and people 2 campsites away banged on our camper door asking my Mother to please do something about my Dad's snoring. As children we thought this was hysterical - no one in our house ever slept when Dad did. You know - right this second you are in a strange environment. Just because these people are Jeff's family - doesn't mean you are supposed to have kinship and know them immediately - getting to know any new environment and people is hard and THAT is if you have NO other outside stressors. You have to sit down for a minute and think about all what you and Jeff and K and N have been through in the last month. You've gone through a tremendous lot and sure you have added stress of worrying about your board family - and OF COURSE someone should sit down with you and say "Gosh Toto - I am so sorry for your friend, I am so sorry for you." and you aren't getting that. It would seem your mother in law's way of dealing with all of this is to ignore it. Personally I wouldn't hold it against her - she's at an age where all her kids are grown and gone, her husband is in her home, sounds like either her dad or his dad lives there and by your own account his chainsaw nose and demanding dietary catering issues are a problem for her too. If it bothers you for 2 weeks - imagine living with him. I don't think your mother in law doesn't care - she just can't deal with anymore of anyone else's problems right now. AND TOO -and probably the largest factor - most people in her age group were brought up in a generation where the word MENTAL ILLNESS or even the thought of one of HER decendents having a 'quirk' is an direct reflection on her. (We know it may not be, but again - you aren't considering the generation she grew up in). As far as Jeff - yelling. Well - the way I see it - he can't complain to his Mom - or his Dad - and he's been stuck in their house, with their rules, and their quirks and dealing with a manic wife and 2 kids who are out of sorts and he doesn't have anyone to unload on either. TRUE it would have been better for him to go scream at a tree, and telling you in a manic state to get over it - well again, better to scream at a tree or find a way through therapy to vent would have done more good than boxing you in a car and pointing out all your faults. I don't think he meant to be ugly Toto - I think he just is out of his element and had no one else - unloaded on you and knew you'd take it. When you aren't manic - you need to set the boundaries on fair fighting so it doesn't happen again. As far as moving - Are you BOTH (you and J) sure that this is the absolute best move? What are his thoughts about living there with his parents? Do you forsee that down the road you will be the caregiver for his family and feel trapped at this point? Something I think is really biting at you and I don't know what it is. Does J understand the "rules of the move" as far as each persons role in what chores will be expected of them? Maybe NOW is a good time to sit with J and really examine IF you want this move. Family can be a blessing and/or a strain on a marriage. Do you think having or being around the family is a plus or do you have a future fear that you're going to have added work in taking care of them too? Not that you don't love them but considering the girls - and yourself - this isn't going to be able to be an option. And maybe in defense of J's parents - maybe I'm all wrong - maybe THEY are at an impasse in their lives where they like how things are, they are coasting into being seniors - and now your family has been there two weeks giving them a taste of what your's and Jeff's life is like and they don't like it at ALL! They weren't prepared for it and don't want to be? Never that they don't love the girls - but even MY mom wouldn't babysit - I think once in Dudes 17 years - she watched him at her convenience. That's fine - I didn't have a child to make her a babysitter. No regrets. Give today - the time you need to figure out when you and Jeff can get away without the stress of that house, the girls, finding a home if you are going to stay get the home you want - you and I talked about dreams - are those not coming to fruition? Could that be a stressful thing? Sure - But you need to talk to J - let him know how you feel. Right now you're just under too much stress to make any good decision. Two weeks of living with a human lumber mill will do that to anyone with sensory issues. And WHY are you cooking all the time? For staying there? If it's something you WANT to do - fine. If not - you need to talk to your mother in law and work out a schedule. I know you are a phenominal cook - but Jeeze lousie - you ain't chef Puck. Get out of domestica for a while - even Chuckie Cheese once a week would be a welcome (but barfy) relief. :raspberry-tounge: Hugs To you - Star [/QUOTE]
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