The Sneaky Miracle

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Mar 5, 2009.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    mother in law's whimpy doctor told the sw that he wanted mother in law transfered to a nursing home. In no way shape or form does he want her living at home. SW called husband and I this morning and we met with her. I told her I'd been working on it.......and she knows we were trying last year too as she was "helping" (if you could call it that). But if she wasn't careful how she approached the idea and tried to bully mother in law, she wasn't going to cooperate. SW said didn't matter if mother in law cooperates or not, doctor planned to use the POA of husband's brother and force her into the nursing home.

    So, sw let husband and I approach mother in law first. Now, you all know that this actually So I stressed that 12 hrs and had mother in law tell me all about it again. I wanted that memory fresh in her mind. Then I asked her if she'd been up and walking yet.... I knew full well she hadn't because doctor didn't want her out of bed.

    Little bit later in walks the sw (planned out beforehand) and starts talking about how they're concerned because it's too dangerous for her to go home. Of course mother in law is instantly defensive. Most especially when sw mentioned the nursing home. She turned to me and I reinforced the danger part, how she'd laid there for 12 hrs, how weak she is, that she's too weak and sore to be discharged home and yet hospital can only keep her for so many days.

    So we stressed "rehab" and a short stay to evaluate later how she is doing and if she will be able to manage at home.

    I got her to agree. Whew phew! She ought to be transferred tomorrow. Still under the impression she will be discharged to home from the nursing home. But we'll approach assisted living or continued nursing home stay once we have her placed and we see how she does. None of us expect her to return home again.

    Sneaky and underhanded, and I've done it hundreds of times with patients over the years, but never thought I'd have to use the same tactics on mother in law.:( But it worked and we won't have to use Power of Attorney against her.

    husband's brother and wife will arrive Sat and stay for several days. His wife is quite skilled about nursing homes and the I plan to pick her brain and get her to do some leg work for me.

    As for me.......spasms in the kidneys have subsided. But will be calling doctor as soon as mother in law is transferred. AND I'm dropping sociology and philosophy as both professors just piled on two huge papers ontop of normal homework and exams........and there is just no way in hades with this going on with mother in law that I'll have time to do that intense sort of work. My last Math class is no problem there. Then I can focus on mother in law, getting my kidney issue settled, and maybe if I'm especially lucky...catch a little down time before next quarter begins.:tongue:
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    You must feel as if you've had a 500lb weight lifted off! Glad you got mother in law to agree even if things aren't what she thinks they are. She definately needs some help and if she's that stubborn...hey....use whatever manner you can to get her to agree.

  3. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Glad that pressure is off. She'll be much safer and probably less lonely, since there will be other people her age and things they can do during the day.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad mother in law agreed to this stay at rehab. I hope you get to feeling better very soon. Glad that much of hte pressure is off and family is coming in to help.

  5. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I've thought on and off the last couple of days about your mother in law and you. I guess I could just say that what you did was very sweet - and kind. I think it shows a lot of class to be so patient with a woman who the rest of the world would just say Box A is BOX A stuff and put her there.

    She's very lucky to have you as her daughter in law. I'm sure she know that. And I think she 'probably' figured that everyone would get you to come in and do the dirty work. I think she was grateful for that -

    You're an Angel
  6. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Now see, after dealing with difficult children you have developed "SKILLS"........ way to go and hoping you can continue talking her down....... Shoulda been filming your life for both papers......this is where classroom meets real life.......
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Star, you're sweet. mother in law just knows I give her the straight stuff. Up til now I've never said it was a necessary step, because while I'd have liked her to move to assisted wasn't absolutely necessary. But this time it is unsafe for her to go home and I told her so in no uncertain terms.

    It is an extremely nice clean facility. So far staff seem kind and caring and attentive. She is settled in and coping well. Better than I had hoped.

    easy child and the great grands and I will be visiting this evening.....also to bring her walker and some items from home to make her more comfy. Darrin has drawn her a picture for her bulletin board. He worries about his great Nana.

    Nice thing about this facility is that its down the street from us. :) I can walk the dogs down to visit once she's up and about.......if she gets up and about.

    I'm worried because she hasn't been up since tues. Doesn't sound long.......but very unlike mother in law. And with her so very severe arthritis I'm worried if they don't get her sitting in a chair soon........she's gonna lose what little use she has of her legs. And that would seal her fate for the nursing home. She's on pain medications for the first time and tolerating them well. They help with the pain some, but not alot. Gotta be better than Tylenol for pete's sake.

    Reinforcements will be here tomorrow. I haven't mentioned her being discharged to "home" yet as we've got to talk and form a game plan first. Thankfully mother in law hasn't really asked.

    Hopefully the rest of my weekend can be spent with my nose in a book to learn the Math before the exam on Monday.

    I'm exhausted and I really haven't done that much. Went to bed at 9pm last night.....haven't done that since grade school. :faint: Too bad I woke up ready for the day at 3am. LOL
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lisa...I can understand your worry about the getting up on her feet. Thats how tony's grandma lost her ability to walk. She went in the hospital walking but they kept her bedridden because she had a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and discharged her to a nursing home because they never got her out of bed. She never walked again.
  9. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Lisa, I think you handled that really well!

    Who knows! She may actually end up liking it there. She'll have companioniship and might make some new friends. And falling like that probably frightened her a lot. It may be a big relief to her not to have to worry about that anymore. She won't have to concern herself about all the little day to day things like cooking, housecleaning, laundry, etc. that were probably getting to be a burden for her. She's very lucky to have such a caring, understanding daughter in law.
  10. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm glad you dropped those two classes. Way too much on your plate there.

    You did the right thing, DF.

    I hope your health improves and that you can get some rest before next quarter.


  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Glad all is well and you will son be able to recharge your batteries. -RM