The son who disowned his family (us) comes back to haunt my daughter.
- Thread starter BusynMember
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SuZir
Well-Known Member
Those I have in fact heard of. They got some publicity around here years ago when they started to burn our flags for some reason. If I remember correctly they took offence about one of our leading politician being gay or something silly like that and decided that our whole country was condemned and they started to burn our flags because of that.
That did make us very baffled. Not so much because of their beliefs, we do know USA is a big country and there are room for any variety of wackos. But we really had a hard time figuring out how on earth did they know we exist, what kind of flag we have or that one of our highest politicians happened to be gay. We don't tend to be a vocal point of world politics so usually we can go on with our business as we please and no one takes notice.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Suzir, I never even heard about that happening in the US...lol.
buddy
New Member
I can see that he is a really sad case. Attachment disorder and all, sounds so.egocentric. It makes me so sad for you, probably hits a nerve for me a little.too. Not that they're at.all the same (q and s) but the hopes.that have to change so.much after giving so much love. Accepting they are truly limited in giving it back. Did he ever seem bonded at all to you? Just curious.
I was thinking though, if he was a girl and the spouse was male (which seems sexist and so.maybe his wife is emotionally thos.way...abusive) I'd say easily that his spouse seemed controlling and abusive. She took advantage of a person who was super vulnerable in some ways. His religion does sound cult like and I'll never understand "Christians " who judge others. All religions have rules but I was taught a big rule was judge not. It is one life belief I wish I lived better, but really do try hard to follow.
I've never been in a clique or gone to one kind of church. Even as a kid I had friends from the cheer leaders to the "burn outs" (back then that just meant hard party types or those that may experiment with drugs) though I didn't do any of either. I just thought individuals were interesting. (by the way, one guy many of you would be inspired by was a nice kid who got totally messed up....now is a minister and a super guy, some success stories do happen). It just seems when encouraged to cut.off.others who don't follow, that is abuse and.shady to.me.
I feel so sad for your sweet pastry chef. I sure admire her devoution in.makimg.the attempt. She sure didn't deserve that. And, hope you dont mind this, but, I'm really glad you're not with ex.
Glad you vented. That would make my brain spin.
I was thinking though, if he was a girl and the spouse was male (which seems sexist and so.maybe his wife is emotionally thos.way...abusive) I'd say easily that his spouse seemed controlling and abusive. She took advantage of a person who was super vulnerable in some ways. His religion does sound cult like and I'll never understand "Christians " who judge others. All religions have rules but I was taught a big rule was judge not. It is one life belief I wish I lived better, but really do try hard to follow.
I've never been in a clique or gone to one kind of church. Even as a kid I had friends from the cheer leaders to the "burn outs" (back then that just meant hard party types or those that may experiment with drugs) though I didn't do any of either. I just thought individuals were interesting. (by the way, one guy many of you would be inspired by was a nice kid who got totally messed up....now is a minister and a super guy, some success stories do happen). It just seems when encouraged to cut.off.others who don't follow, that is abuse and.shady to.me.
I feel so sad for your sweet pastry chef. I sure admire her devoution in.makimg.the attempt. She sure didn't deserve that. And, hope you dont mind this, but, I'm really glad you're not with ex.
Glad you vented. That would make my brain spin.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I thought he acted like he was bonded to us...at least a little. He was always independent, wanting to do things for himself, but he was capable of it...very bright...much brighter than other kids with no special learning or physical needs. So he could act on his independence (lack of attachment?) without needing us for much. Right before he met K. he seemed to be trying very hard to attach and hug and be affectionate. He was bright enough to have read up on attachment disorder and be very aware of it. Once he met K. it all went down the tubes though. In the end, this is a person who is basically an empty shell. My daughter, who knew him best, called him "the robot" long before he dumped her and said he doesn't have normal emotions. I didn't see it, but he didn't let me see it. I see it now. Inside, he is very cold. The warmer side of him was an act, the colder side of him is who he is.
He has EXTREMELY black and white thinking with no room for anything in between. Frnakly, I didn't see the true him until he was an adult. He knows he has some problems and has gone for counseling, but will only go to "christian" counselors. If anything that has made him more rigid and cold.
He has EXTREMELY black and white thinking with no room for anything in between. Frnakly, I didn't see the true him until he was an adult. He knows he has some problems and has gone for counseling, but will only go to "christian" counselors. If anything that has made him more rigid and cold.
buddy
New Member
It's kind of scary. Wonder what his Maker really will say to him someday. Not meaning that in an evil way, but how much is because he didn't get a chance birth to three to develop appropriately. Not your concern anymore in my humble opinion, just my deep thinking tonight. Had a bad day with Q so as I said, probably hitting my heart.
witzend
Well-Known Member
I'd like to correct this idea. The 40 (forty) members of this "church" are all one family. They don't take new members. They live off of the money they earn by perverting our right to free speech and suing jurisdictions who try to stop their perversions in violation of their 1st Amendment right to free speech, or by suing citizens who react to their provocations. Many jurisdictions have written laws specifically to allow them to be arrested, but the best defense we have against them is the "Angels" who stand as walls between the Westboro (I'm not even going to say "Baptist") Church and whoever they're protesting so that family and friends don't have to see that garbage. The best defense against offensive "free speech" is standing tall with dignity together against it.
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way...-baptist-protests-at-arizona-victims-funerals
Mods, if you want to delete this, you should feel free. Somehow I don't think that any of the 40 WBC members post here, and I doubt they'd be welcomed if they tried.
I am sorry that ex was able to hurt your daughter by using your adoptive son's rejection against her. I think that ex is a sad, lonely man trying to fill his life with meaning by chasing money and those hwo have it. That isn't love, or parenting. I think that your adoptive son's reactions and behaviors are bizarre and it is sad that he couldn't ever get past his own emotional stuntedness. Love of money is not real love, and just having money doesn't make you wealthy. Real wealth comes from having real love in your life, and neither your ex nor this boy that you worked so hard to love and to raise has any real clue what real love is. People who are invested in the types of religion that S is in pretty much seem to think that religion is being better than others and being the sex police. I find that to be sad.
I hope that Pastrychef will not allow your ex to abuse her this way any more. It may take some time for her to get to that point, and I hope she isn't hurt too much before she sees that. I feel a lot of pity for your ex and S and his wife. Why? They have lost something so amazingly precious and beautiful - the love of people who are truly able to love, not just to use love and religion as weapons to beat people up with.
I think that for so many people religion is just another way to feel they are better about other people. in my opinion that is the kind of church that S
I hope that Pastrychef will not allow your ex to abuse her this way any more. It may take some time for her to get to that point, and I hope she isn't hurt too much before she sees that. I feel a lot of pity for your ex and S and his wife. Why? They have lost something so amazingly precious and beautiful - the love of people who are truly able to love, not just to use love and religion as weapons to beat people up with.
I think that for so many people religion is just another way to feel they are better about other people. in my opinion that is the kind of church that S
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Thanks, Susie. You say things so well. The thing is, neither of them know they are missing anything. S. can't help that he spent his first six years in an orphanage. That has to be devestating for anyone and certain to cause trauma. Heck, even six months in an orphanage has been known to screw kids up because infants need one caregiver who loves him/her and answers his/her needs. That's why attachment problems are so prevalant in adopted kids, especially those who didn't go to loving foster homes right away. My other three adopted kids are emotionally normal, but they were also very lucky in loving, caring foster homes and (with Jumper) she came right home with us. So I do have pity for S, however he is an adult with an IQ over 140 and knows exactly what he is doing and he is choosing to remain bitter and angry over little stuff that goes on in normal families but that people just get over in time.
My ex has always been puzzling. He is also very emotionless, not as bad as S. I have often wondered if his eccentricities and social cluenessess meant he has Aspergers. He used to say such embarassing things! People would look at each other and everyone blushed except him! Once I came home and found two dear friends in my living room. Ex and I were living in Illinois and this wonderful couple had driven as a surprise from Wisconsin to see us. They looked embarassed when I gushed over seeing them and PastryChef, who was two at the time, was playing by them. The wife said, "Um, your husband didn't seem surprised to see us. He just asked if we could watch PastryChef so he could run out to get milk. He said 'Oh, glad you're here. Would you mind watching J. while I get milk?'" I mean, is that normal? I mean, just another day in my life with ex. How do you explain that to your friends? Later, I asked ex about it and he said, "Big deal. They came and I needed to get milk. What's the big deal?"
So I believe there are reasons, beyond jerkiness, why both are the way they are. But S. doesn't WANT us in his life and he has become so vile, I don't want him in mine. And he hurt J. so badly and has never apologized and she doesn't want anything to do with him either. Even if you have a reason for your bad behavior, you have to learn how to do better or people are going to emotionally leave you, because it is too hard not to. And going to a christian counselor from your rigid, cult-like church isn't going to do it.
Suzir, that "church" in Westboro isn't really a church. It's a bunch of extremist nuts who cause disruptions. Even my son's church doesn't go around disrupting funerals. S's church is more like, if you know who he is, Pat Robertson/James Dobson/promise keepers. It's bad enough, but they keep their beliefs to themselves. Except if you are unlucky enough to meet one who wants to "save" you. This is NOT a mainstream church, such as Lutheran, Methodist, Catholic, etc. etc. etc.
My ex has always been puzzling. He is also very emotionless, not as bad as S. I have often wondered if his eccentricities and social cluenessess meant he has Aspergers. He used to say such embarassing things! People would look at each other and everyone blushed except him! Once I came home and found two dear friends in my living room. Ex and I were living in Illinois and this wonderful couple had driven as a surprise from Wisconsin to see us. They looked embarassed when I gushed over seeing them and PastryChef, who was two at the time, was playing by them. The wife said, "Um, your husband didn't seem surprised to see us. He just asked if we could watch PastryChef so he could run out to get milk. He said 'Oh, glad you're here. Would you mind watching J. while I get milk?'" I mean, is that normal? I mean, just another day in my life with ex. How do you explain that to your friends? Later, I asked ex about it and he said, "Big deal. They came and I needed to get milk. What's the big deal?"
So I believe there are reasons, beyond jerkiness, why both are the way they are. But S. doesn't WANT us in his life and he has become so vile, I don't want him in mine. And he hurt J. so badly and has never apologized and she doesn't want anything to do with him either. Even if you have a reason for your bad behavior, you have to learn how to do better or people are going to emotionally leave you, because it is too hard not to. And going to a christian counselor from your rigid, cult-like church isn't going to do it.
Suzir, that "church" in Westboro isn't really a church. It's a bunch of extremist nuts who cause disruptions. Even my son's church doesn't go around disrupting funerals. S's church is more like, if you know who he is, Pat Robertson/James Dobson/promise keepers. It's bad enough, but they keep their beliefs to themselves. Except if you are unlucky enough to meet one who wants to "save" you. This is NOT a mainstream church, such as Lutheran, Methodist, Catholic, etc. etc. etc.
