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<blockquote data-quote="Bunny" data-source="post: 477715"><p>Kiesta, he's always been the kind of kid that gets stuck on things and once he gets stuck somewhere it it VERY hard to get him to move on. Even the therapist says that. This is the first time that I can recall him saying that I don't love him on a consistent basis. He's said it before, but it's usually at a time that he's being punished for making poor behavioral decision. You know how it goes. "You took my priviledges away because you don't love me." I also brought up at the therapist's office the times over the weekend where I suggested that we do x, y, or z together, and he told me no. therapist asked him why he said no when I was making an effort to do something with him that he enjoyed and I was trying to connect with him, and his answer was that he said no because I was "pushing" him to spend the time with me, and he made it sound like he said no because he thought it was a way to punish me. therapist told him that he can't have it both ways. He can't complain that I don't, or won't, spend time with him, but then turn around and tell me no when I make the effort. </p><p></p><p>Stressed, I do think that it's an attention thing. He thinks that he's getting some kind of payoff when he says it, but I'm not quite sure what it is. Yes, I have made an effort to try to spend more time with him, but it's not like when he says it to me that I melt down, crying because my baby is unhappy with me. Most of the time I simply say "You know that's not true" and I end the conversation. I can't get into an argument over whether or not I love him because no matter what I say it's not going to make a difference. Who knows? Maybe he's looking for an argument and keeps saying it because I'm not responding the way he wants, or the way he thought I would. I really don't know.</p><p></p><p>I do know that I am losing my patience with this, even though the therapist is telling me to have patience with him and to keep myself calm (which I did a great job on this morning, thank you very much) and if he tells me that I don't love him to try to turn the question around, like I did this morning. Why are you not feeling love right now? What could be different right now so that you would feel loved? Honestly, I don't think he knows the answers to those questions. This morning there was absolutely nothing that happened that would make him feel unloved. I was quiet. I was calm. I did not get angry when he feel back to sleep instead of getting ready for school. It's almost like he has himself so conditioned to believe that I don't love him (if that is really what is going on in his head) that no matter what happens, no matter how I react, it's just not going to be enough for him.</p><p></p><p>He tells me that he loves me and that he wants me to love him. I guess that is hopeful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bunny, post: 477715"] Kiesta, he's always been the kind of kid that gets stuck on things and once he gets stuck somewhere it it VERY hard to get him to move on. Even the therapist says that. This is the first time that I can recall him saying that I don't love him on a consistent basis. He's said it before, but it's usually at a time that he's being punished for making poor behavioral decision. You know how it goes. "You took my priviledges away because you don't love me." I also brought up at the therapist's office the times over the weekend where I suggested that we do x, y, or z together, and he told me no. therapist asked him why he said no when I was making an effort to do something with him that he enjoyed and I was trying to connect with him, and his answer was that he said no because I was "pushing" him to spend the time with me, and he made it sound like he said no because he thought it was a way to punish me. therapist told him that he can't have it both ways. He can't complain that I don't, or won't, spend time with him, but then turn around and tell me no when I make the effort. Stressed, I do think that it's an attention thing. He thinks that he's getting some kind of payoff when he says it, but I'm not quite sure what it is. Yes, I have made an effort to try to spend more time with him, but it's not like when he says it to me that I melt down, crying because my baby is unhappy with me. Most of the time I simply say "You know that's not true" and I end the conversation. I can't get into an argument over whether or not I love him because no matter what I say it's not going to make a difference. Who knows? Maybe he's looking for an argument and keeps saying it because I'm not responding the way he wants, or the way he thought I would. I really don't know. I do know that I am losing my patience with this, even though the therapist is telling me to have patience with him and to keep myself calm (which I did a great job on this morning, thank you very much) and if he tells me that I don't love him to try to turn the question around, like I did this morning. Why are you not feeling love right now? What could be different right now so that you would feel loved? Honestly, I don't think he knows the answers to those questions. This morning there was absolutely nothing that happened that would make him feel unloved. I was quiet. I was calm. I did not get angry when he feel back to sleep instead of getting ready for school. It's almost like he has himself so conditioned to believe that I don't love him (if that is really what is going on in his head) that no matter what happens, no matter how I react, it's just not going to be enough for him. He tells me that he loves me and that he wants me to love him. I guess that is hopeful. [/QUOTE]
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