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The story of my son, hard to write.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 710656" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I will answer here personally and based upon what I have seen with my work. First. Forgive me, a dad. Your replies are always sparing but precise. I tend to go on and on.</p><p></p><p>The answer you are looking for is complicated and nuanced. There is no one size fits all.</p><p></p><p>First there are depressive types of people--that is their attitude, temperament, brain physiology, etc., may act to predispose them to depression. Second there are societies with depressive cultures (and histories) that may feed into depressive temperaments. There are people with a history of trauma which is predisposing to depression. And people with intrapsychic conflict that comes from their histories; and people (all of us, I think) with habitual ways of thinking, that predispose us to suffer. There are people whose habits reinforce sadness: alcohol and drug use, isolation, mindless computer use, indolence, for example. But these too can be a symptom of depression so it is hard to tell which is the chicken or the egg.</p><p></p><p>I have suffered from major depression maybe 3 to half a dozen times in my life. (Depressed every day, sleep problems, anxiety, isolating, dwelling, no interest in much, hopeless, etc.) I am also easily affected, upset by things that might not bother other people. When the latter happens I have learned to go to bed for a day or two and restore myself. When my mother died, I grieved seriously for over 3 years, largely in bed. *Which is really overboard, and caused me no end of upset.</p><p></p><p> I think this was due in part to my life story but also in part to my underlying tendency to become depressed. Also, mourning, pure and simple.</p><p></p><p>I was also very guarded from personal relationships for most of my younger life where I would be too exposed and vulnerable. My relationships were shallow (with one exception) and while I had many friends and seemed warm and devoted, I held back. I see that now.</p><p></p><p>The deep and profound relationships in my life came late: with M and with my son.</p><p></p><p>That said there is a great deal that can help depression but it requires a dedicated commitment to alter one's outlook and lifestyle. How would I do it?</p><p></p><p>Somatic treatments rather than conventional therapy or in addition to them: much of this can be done by oneself. Bilateral movement by either arms or legs or both. Walking. Running. Needlework. (There is a science behind this which one can read about in books, by Peter Levine, for one.) Dance.</p><p></p><p>Change in outlook and thinking (therapy, for example but also meditation, and spirituality, in general: All religions, but Eastern religions make this central.</p><p></p><p>My son believes he has had great response to an anti-inflammation diet and feels more personality stability and self control.</p><p></p><p>Culture. I had a real inspiration when I began to listen to traditional music, such as Portuguese Fado (among others) which is traditional vocals, some ancient, songs, in minor key (like blues) that are based upon the concept in Portuguese called saudades. The closest translation in English is "yearning" for that which one wants but does not have, has lost, or can never have. Fado means "fate" but to me means "faith", too. Being human entails wishing and wanting, what one does not have...and there is more out of our control than within it. Keeping this idea central changes my perspective on things.</p><p></p><p>I better understand what it is to live and to be human. There are things we can do and change, and that which we cannot. End of story. We live, and we die. End of story. And that we live pretty much as every other human being has lived who has gone before us. There is something to be said about life itself, that it cannot be gotten over and changed, in its essentials. Very much opposite the idea of taking Prozac to cure one's life. Somehow for me, this is liberating, and makes life seem sweeter and more meaningful, that it cannot be "cured."</p><p></p><p>The answer, how long, depends upon in large part your son. But also on fate and destiny. I was despairing when for 3 years I was depressed after my mother died. But then I began to do what I could...a little bit of some of the things I mention above. And then I realized that very profound changes had been at work in me for those years, and that I am a changed person. It is as if I was hatching myself those three years in bed. And now I am way, way better. In some ways better than before.</p><p></p><p>Your son has more potential for control than he may exert. But nobody has 100 percent control. Because it's life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 710656, member: 18958"] I will answer here personally and based upon what I have seen with my work. First. Forgive me, a dad. Your replies are always sparing but precise. I tend to go on and on. The answer you are looking for is complicated and nuanced. There is no one size fits all. First there are depressive types of people--that is their attitude, temperament, brain physiology, etc., may act to predispose them to depression. Second there are societies with depressive cultures (and histories) that may feed into depressive temperaments. There are people with a history of trauma which is predisposing to depression. And people with intrapsychic conflict that comes from their histories; and people (all of us, I think) with habitual ways of thinking, that predispose us to suffer. There are people whose habits reinforce sadness: alcohol and drug use, isolation, mindless computer use, indolence, for example. But these too can be a symptom of depression so it is hard to tell which is the chicken or the egg. I have suffered from major depression maybe 3 to half a dozen times in my life. (Depressed every day, sleep problems, anxiety, isolating, dwelling, no interest in much, hopeless, etc.) I am also easily affected, upset by things that might not bother other people. When the latter happens I have learned to go to bed for a day or two and restore myself. When my mother died, I grieved seriously for over 3 years, largely in bed. *Which is really overboard, and caused me no end of upset. I think this was due in part to my life story but also in part to my underlying tendency to become depressed. Also, mourning, pure and simple. I was also very guarded from personal relationships for most of my younger life where I would be too exposed and vulnerable. My relationships were shallow (with one exception) and while I had many friends and seemed warm and devoted, I held back. I see that now. The deep and profound relationships in my life came late: with M and with my son. That said there is a great deal that can help depression but it requires a dedicated commitment to alter one's outlook and lifestyle. How would I do it? Somatic treatments rather than conventional therapy or in addition to them: much of this can be done by oneself. Bilateral movement by either arms or legs or both. Walking. Running. Needlework. (There is a science behind this which one can read about in books, by Peter Levine, for one.) Dance. Change in outlook and thinking (therapy, for example but also meditation, and spirituality, in general: All religions, but Eastern religions make this central. My son believes he has had great response to an anti-inflammation diet and feels more personality stability and self control. Culture. I had a real inspiration when I began to listen to traditional music, such as Portuguese Fado (among others) which is traditional vocals, some ancient, songs, in minor key (like blues) that are based upon the concept in Portuguese called saudades. The closest translation in English is "yearning" for that which one wants but does not have, has lost, or can never have. Fado means "fate" but to me means "faith", too. Being human entails wishing and wanting, what one does not have...and there is more out of our control than within it. Keeping this idea central changes my perspective on things. I better understand what it is to live and to be human. There are things we can do and change, and that which we cannot. End of story. We live, and we die. End of story. And that we live pretty much as every other human being has lived who has gone before us. There is something to be said about life itself, that it cannot be gotten over and changed, in its essentials. Very much opposite the idea of taking Prozac to cure one's life. Somehow for me, this is liberating, and makes life seem sweeter and more meaningful, that it cannot be "cured." The answer, how long, depends upon in large part your son. But also on fate and destiny. I was despairing when for 3 years I was depressed after my mother died. But then I began to do what I could...a little bit of some of the things I mention above. And then I realized that very profound changes had been at work in me for those years, and that I am a changed person. It is as if I was hatching myself those three years in bed. And now I am way, way better. In some ways better than before. Your son has more potential for control than he may exert. But nobody has 100 percent control. Because it's life. [/QUOTE]
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