I'm sorry, I haven't been posting here, only lurking. I'm losing my mind at the moment and should call the dr, but I'm scared, because he caught me in a lie. I have to explain- since Dec 12, I've been in 3 Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, for 4- 6 weeks each time. When I'm not there, I go to a 5 hour a day, 3x a week out- patient treatment center. I like to be skinny, and things keep getting out of hand, 5 weeks ago I was 88 pounds, and had to go in-patient to gain weight. I always say, never again! And I always mean it! I do. But.......anyway, I'm in an out-patient setting for the moment. They weigh me every time and recently I have not been following my meal plan, not eating, and in order to "fool" the dr, I put things in my pocket, drank 3 bottles of water and stuffed my bra with tools (don't laugh). So it would appear I stayed the same weight. So- of course after I drink all that water, and after they weigh me I have to go to the bathroom. Now the dr decided to re-weigh me last night at some point, and made me take everything off. Now the cat's out of the bag. husband is livid, he's been very supportive, considering all he's had to deal with- me, and taking care of the kids, and house, alone, while working, and visiting me on his days off- in another state. Today, for real, I have been eating. I am feeling really anxiety and panic stricken and cannot stop shaking and crying. I'm scared. I feel like I'm crazy. The dr. is most likely mad at me or sick of my nonsense. I take buspar, but it's not really working. If it was my child I would call.