The tweedles have had the worst week/day...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Jun 21, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Father's Day has been very glum around here. wm was sobbing when I went to visit - he misses his dad.

    kt is over the top in self destructive antics then bottoms out. She has an appointment with therapist on Wednesday; I'll be checking in with psychiatrist tomorrow.

    I had to remind the tweedles that this is their first Father's Day without husband & it was appropriate to be sad, angry, etc. However if they wanted to honor dad that they should choose to always do the right thing. husband told kt & wm that almost daily. I reminded both of them that husband wants them to be healthy functioning adults.

    For the live of me I couldn't come up with one idea for them to honor dad ~ just didn't have it in me. I just told them the above & held them as they cried it out.

    Thanks for listening.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    What a hard day for them both. I liked how you used their dad's words to help get them through this.

    Maybe you can help them write a letter to their dad that can be placed near a picture of him?
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry for the tough day for all of you. The firsts are always tough. Eventually, you get to look back and think of some good times. Time.

    HUGS for you all!
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I'm so sorry. It is so hard to understand death at any age. When you are dealing with your own issues such as KT and WM it is such a huge task to even fathom why, how, where... Dad has gone.
    When my Mom killed herself I was 9, I didn't have even an explanation on days like this, like the one you have given, or the comfort, but saying this, I don't know what would have ever made it any better?
    I was just such a messed up kid, in many similar difficult child ways.
    Time truly does make these things easier on most of us.
    I am sorry and so sad that you and the kids have to even feel these things.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The poor Tweedles and poor you. I can only imagine how difficult this must have been. I think what you told them and you holding them was a good way to handle this. Gentle hugs and continued prayers.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I hadn't thought about how difficult this day would be for you and the kids. There just isn't any easy way to get through it.

  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm so sorry... sending gentle {{{hugs}}} to you and the kids.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What a rough day for all of you. It is your first Father's Day without the father of your children. You need to remember that all of those things are true for you as well as for the tweedles.

    You did exactly what they needed today - you listened and held them while they cried.

    Maybe they would be helped if they had a scrapbook to write down the things he said to them in? The words he gave them to live by, then even branching out into funny things, memories of what they did together, what they learned from him, how they felt about him.

    I am throwing that out in case you need an idea for them. I don't think you needed to add anything to what you did today, but maybe it would help them heal to work on this?

    Gentle hugs to all of you.
  9. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. I just don't have any words of advice, but it really sounds like you handled it well. I am sorry it was such a hard day.
  10. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Oh how heartbreaking. You are handling this so well with the tweedles. I can't imagine how tough it is for all three of you.


  11. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    The way you handled the day did honor husband. :D

    Hugs to the three of you. I'm sorry for your loss.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry the day was so difficult. Many hugs to all of you.
  13. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry this was such a rough week for you. I'm sure it was a build-up to yesterday. I hope they both settle down some for you now.
  14. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    The first one is definitely the hardest. We lost Sis's Dad in February, so the first Father's Day was about as close as it is for your tweedles, time-wise. It's just too raw of a reminder before the 1st real grief stage has finished up. Sis was a horror show for the whole week leading up to it, and the week after. I was worried we'd have to psychiatric hospital her that whole month.

    Honestly, Mom and I weren't much better. Letting them cry it out is about the best thing you could have done...since there really aren't any other options. Grief steals creativity away - do NOT come down on yourself for not figuring out some way to honor your husband.

    If it gives you any light at the end of the tunnel, Mom and Sis and I went out for dinner last night, and had a lovely evening. Three years have given us the space to talk happily about him, joke about his ridiculous habits, and smile about his kindnesses. Sis misses him a lot still, but he's a happy memory, not that raw pain that it was the first year. You AND the tweedles will get there.....just hold on. :)
  15. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I think yesterday was harder on me - no, more emotional but in a different way. I called husband's father to wish him a happy father's day & he seemed surprised that I would take the time. Geez - he's been a huge part of our family for over 20 years.

    Today is a new day & thank you all.
  16. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Linda, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.. you've had a raw deal for a long time.

    My kids are still pretty small, but when they suffered their "first loss", our Golden Retriever, we came up with something symbolic.

    When they were small, we'd get them balloons for their birthdays. At the end of the day, we'd tie a prayer/wish to the string and they'd send it to the angels to give it to God.

    Maybe a note to husband and a "launching of the balloons" might be cathartic to them. That's what the kids did to honor Coco.

    Just a thought.

    Saying prayers for you and the tweedles!

  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry, Linda.
    A ltr to their dad would be nice.

    I love that you called his dad. :)
    So sad that he was surprised. Of course he was a part of your lives! You did a good and loving thing.
    The girls will see your actions and learn from them.