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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 507240" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Yup. I went through something similar with Nichole during the time when I was trying to get through to her that other people have the same feelings she does. She had said some really deeply hurtful untrue things when she was in a rage toward me. Normally I could let it roll off my back because I knew it was the rage and she didn't mean a thing that came out of her mouth. (to prevent herself from stepping over into physical violence she strove to hurt with words) But that time.......I dunno.......maybe I wasn't in a good place, maybe it was what she said (probably a combo)......but that was it. I didn't even rebutt. I just withdrew completely. I didn't talk to her. I avoided looking at her. I avoided physical contact with her. </p><p></p><p>It only took her long enough to calm down to realize she'd gone too far with me. Nichole always regretted the things that came out of her mouth, the things she could recall saying........often she didn't remember about 80 percent of it, like her mouth got started and took on a life of it's own. She always apologized after. But there is a point where apology is not enough. And this was the moment when we reached this point. </p><p></p><p>For a couple of weeks she'd watch me when she thought I wasn't paying attention. (I'm always aware of what is going on around me even when it doesn't look like it) Many times she'd start to speak then swallow her words. She looked so said and miserable. Well, I wasn't feeling peachy keen either.......but I was just well, done with that sort of thing. Her entire life I was her number one advocate, always in her corner. You just don't turn on the sole person who is always in your corner. Know what I mean?? </p><p></p><p>Finally she just couldn't stand it anymore and she begged me to talk to her and tell her what she did wrong. (yes she knew but this was opening the door to talk about it) So we discussed it calmly. By then enough time had passed the anger was long long gone. She sobbed, I consoled. It was one of the times that helped turn her around. I used it to help her realize that while someone may know she didn't mean what she said when she was raging didn't mean that it didn't still cause pain and anger. That was a huge lesson for her, as that was a hard thing for her to learn. </p><p></p><p>I am at this point with Katie. I guess only time will tell if she manages to learn from it. If she doesn't.........then I will remain distant. I really don't expect her to learn. Sad.</p><p></p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 507240, member: 84"] Yup. I went through something similar with Nichole during the time when I was trying to get through to her that other people have the same feelings she does. She had said some really deeply hurtful untrue things when she was in a rage toward me. Normally I could let it roll off my back because I knew it was the rage and she didn't mean a thing that came out of her mouth. (to prevent herself from stepping over into physical violence she strove to hurt with words) But that time.......I dunno.......maybe I wasn't in a good place, maybe it was what she said (probably a combo)......but that was it. I didn't even rebutt. I just withdrew completely. I didn't talk to her. I avoided looking at her. I avoided physical contact with her. It only took her long enough to calm down to realize she'd gone too far with me. Nichole always regretted the things that came out of her mouth, the things she could recall saying........often she didn't remember about 80 percent of it, like her mouth got started and took on a life of it's own. She always apologized after. But there is a point where apology is not enough. And this was the moment when we reached this point. For a couple of weeks she'd watch me when she thought I wasn't paying attention. (I'm always aware of what is going on around me even when it doesn't look like it) Many times she'd start to speak then swallow her words. She looked so said and miserable. Well, I wasn't feeling peachy keen either.......but I was just well, done with that sort of thing. Her entire life I was her number one advocate, always in her corner. You just don't turn on the sole person who is always in your corner. Know what I mean?? Finally she just couldn't stand it anymore and she begged me to talk to her and tell her what she did wrong. (yes she knew but this was opening the door to talk about it) So we discussed it calmly. By then enough time had passed the anger was long long gone. She sobbed, I consoled. It was one of the times that helped turn her around. I used it to help her realize that while someone may know she didn't mean what she said when she was raging didn't mean that it didn't still cause pain and anger. That was a huge lesson for her, as that was a hard thing for her to learn. I am at this point with Katie. I guess only time will tell if she manages to learn from it. If she doesn't.........then I will remain distant. I really don't expect her to learn. Sad. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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