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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 507247" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thank you HD, that is very helpful to hear. I have a new friend whom I met in my codependency therapy group who called last night and shared some interesting insights with me about my daughter. This new friend has experienced very similar issues as my daughter has and gave me the opportunity to view all of this from a different perspective. She said she had been where my daughter is and there came a moment when, in the quiet place, (where my kid is), she was able to see herself clearly. Without others expectations and control and needs, she began to change. It was the first step in the 'right' direction. </p><p></p><p>Last night, my daughter came in for dinner after we had finished, I was upstairs at the time she came in the house so I didn't see her. She left a note for me on the counter which simply said, "thanks for dinner Mom, it was fabulous." That may seem like a small thing, but one thing my daughter has not been able to express, especially to me, is gratitude. That note really touched me. I had said to her this week that one thing she needed to try to grasp was the meaning of appreciation and gratitude, especially towards me. When I said that I really did not expect her to get it, but I said it anyway. </p><p></p><p>My new friend told me that she extricated herself from her family for about 4 weeks, and in that time, unhooked from everything, free floating, she was able to detach from the people around her and find some internal peace. I see parallels in her life story and my daughters. I also see how my incessant control and enabling stilted my kids growth. I say that without all the guilt and responsibility that kept me stuck, only as the truth. My upbringing was quite punitive so I swung to the other extreme and was permissive, both now considered abusive. It seems that in stopping the patterns we have been so entrenched in, we open the door for a different experience, hopefully, a healthy and positive one. </p><p></p><p>One thing that has happened for me is that in letting go, I feel peace and openness. Since Monday, this strange journey we're on has taken on a different tone, I don't know where we're going, but we're clearly on our way. My fiancee, my granddaughter and I are all back to our usual calm and peaceful way of being. My daughter is on the periphery, stepping in and out at her discretion, welcomed but with clear boundaries. Time will tell what this all means. </p><p></p><p>As always, I appreciate any insights, stories, comments and ideas all of you warriors may share. I can't express enough how important and valuable this forum has been to me. You have all inspired me. I am very grateful. God bless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 507247, member: 13542"] Thank you HD, that is very helpful to hear. I have a new friend whom I met in my codependency therapy group who called last night and shared some interesting insights with me about my daughter. This new friend has experienced very similar issues as my daughter has and gave me the opportunity to view all of this from a different perspective. She said she had been where my daughter is and there came a moment when, in the quiet place, (where my kid is), she was able to see herself clearly. Without others expectations and control and needs, she began to change. It was the first step in the 'right' direction. Last night, my daughter came in for dinner after we had finished, I was upstairs at the time she came in the house so I didn't see her. She left a note for me on the counter which simply said, "thanks for dinner Mom, it was fabulous." That may seem like a small thing, but one thing my daughter has not been able to express, especially to me, is gratitude. That note really touched me. I had said to her this week that one thing she needed to try to grasp was the meaning of appreciation and gratitude, especially towards me. When I said that I really did not expect her to get it, but I said it anyway. My new friend told me that she extricated herself from her family for about 4 weeks, and in that time, unhooked from everything, free floating, she was able to detach from the people around her and find some internal peace. I see parallels in her life story and my daughters. I also see how my incessant control and enabling stilted my kids growth. I say that without all the guilt and responsibility that kept me stuck, only as the truth. My upbringing was quite punitive so I swung to the other extreme and was permissive, both now considered abusive. It seems that in stopping the patterns we have been so entrenched in, we open the door for a different experience, hopefully, a healthy and positive one. One thing that has happened for me is that in letting go, I feel peace and openness. Since Monday, this strange journey we're on has taken on a different tone, I don't know where we're going, but we're clearly on our way. My fiancee, my granddaughter and I are all back to our usual calm and peaceful way of being. My daughter is on the periphery, stepping in and out at her discretion, welcomed but with clear boundaries. Time will tell what this all means. As always, I appreciate any insights, stories, comments and ideas all of you warriors may share. I can't express enough how important and valuable this forum has been to me. You have all inspired me. I am very grateful. God bless. [/QUOTE]
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