True Confessions Time: I had posted before about my angst in interacting with my son and his fiancee' over the past six to nine months as they planned their wedding. Suffice it to say: It was a very, very challenging time for me, and I finally was "told off" by my son. It wasn't pretty and I was upset and hurt, and I said I was sorry for pushing too hard on having my younger son "up front"...and then I worked to let it all go, and stay busy with my own life, and just try to be supportive. I wanted the relationship with my son to be the priority. That meant I had to get out of the way, and put a smile on my face. And I've been able to do that...until the two days before the wedding...when I started to feel just really sick inside, dreading it all, and feeling like their getting married was the wrong thing to happen, etc. We had all kinds of family in from out of town (some that were actually invited to the wedding and then uninvited, but who came anyway to visit with my aging parents...) and I hosted a lunch on Thursday here for about 16 people and a cookout Friday for about 16 different people. I was busy! And that was good. But I started dreading Saturday night. I kind of hibernated all day Saturday because as I told my husband, I really wasn't fit company. I didn't want to bore people with my negative thinking...and that is all I was doing...negatively thinking. But I was wrong. I wasted two days of being all mixed up in my own head about thinking I knew what was right for other people. I completely lost my own serenity and peace and acceptance that I have worked hard to regain about this situation over the past weeks and months. I regret that time wasted now. The wedding turned out beautifully! It wasn't what I would have chosen...but it wasn't "my wedding." It was my son's and his fiancee's and it reflected them both beautifully. They wrote their own vows, God wasn't mentioned (sadly to me, but it is what it is), my son's fiancee flew in his favorite lead singer in a band who surprised my son and played music, with my son on his bass, all night. The weather was great, the venue was perfect (an old barn), I really enjoyed seeing all of the people. They seemed very emotional and loving to each other in their actions and their words. I think what has been at the heart of my fears for a long time, is that they were just getting married because they have been together for a long, long time, and not because they are connected in the ways that we all want to be when we get married...and on our wedding day. I was reliving my own first marriage and how it happened, through them. Isn't that what we do? We see others through our own lens. And we project onto that lens. How wrong that is. How wrong I was. They flew off to Hawaii, the sick feeling in my stomach is gone, and I hope I have once again learned an important lesson that will stay with me. I don't know what other people ought to do. I have no idea what is best for others. Please, let me remember that and how much time I wasted "feeling bad" about somebody else's decision. What a learning process this will always be.