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The week of difficult child's birthday---in middle of it
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 631768" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Thank you to each and every one of you who posted above and who were here in thought and spirit even if you didn't post. I feel the silent witnesses and supporters here too. What a gift this place is.</p><p></p><p>So....last night went well. Saturday I made the beef burgundy and a great chocolate cake, and that night SO and I went out to eat and then to get the Birthday Cake ice cream (that stuff is outrageously expensive for the amount you get...but whatever...I digress!). </p><p></p><p>We picked difficult child up from the McDonald's at 4 yesterday. I had it all ready and had transported it to SO's house. He was so wonderfully sweet and supportive, had cleaned up his house, bought some things, had cleared out the washer and dryer in case difficult child wanted to use it, etc. Just a wonderful man and a wonderful support for me. </p><p></p><p>difficult child did ask if he could wash clothes, so he got that going, took a shower at SO's house---said he had not had a shower since Thursday. He was low-key, kind of quiet, said thank you multiple times, seemed a little uncomfortable, kept saying he was tired, but very cooperative. When easy child and fiancee got there we all went outside to play with their new Corgi puppy and Emily and sat outside for a while, until time for dinner, went back in finished up the food and we ate. The dinner was good and I think everybody enjoyed it. Then we did the cake, singing Happy Birthday and presents and SO and Fiancee took some pictures of the three of us---easy child, difficult child and me---which was nice. </p><p></p><p>No drama. No issues. He said he was going back to the Goodwill Career Solutions today to see about the job. My parents gave him $50 and he at first asked me or easy child to get the check cashed for him. SO and I had already discussed this...I didn't want to get involved with that...so SO looked on his phone quickly and found several places that will cash personal checks with ID and told difficult child that so that situation was averted. He said he wanted to get an apartment, and probably by himself so he doesn't have to worry about somebody not paying or whatever. I said, sounds good. He said, do you know of any? I said, Not really.</p><p></p><p>That is the type of stuff I don't want to get involved with. A 25-year-old can find his own place to live and figure that part out. He also had commented last week that he needs a bike. And a job.</p><p></p><p>So, I know how I would do it all....but I kept quiet. He needs to figure out the baby steps that will lead him out of where he is right now.</p><p></p><p>That is an important part of this.</p><p></p><p>So I didn't engage, and I didn't advise, and you know, actually, right now it's good that he doesn't have a phone. Good for me. Because I have been there done that and I know what happens after we see each other a couple of times in a row with not much time in between and then he starts texting and calling and I start thinking of how I can help.............and the slide.............happens.</p><p></p><p>I don't want to be a part of that. </p><p></p><p>So back to last night: A couple of times we were sitting there, all 5 of us (puppy great icebreaker!) and there was silence, and I started to get antsy so I jumped up and went to the kitchen to fool around there. They left about 8---easy child and fiancee took him back to the McDonald's and dropped him off (thank God I didn't have to do that, and I told easy child how much I appreciated HIM doing that) and I went home and went to bed.</p><p></p><p>40,000-foot view: It went well. I could feel myself getting hopeful and watching him closely to figure out (what? Figure out what?) what his point of view is, how is he REALLY doing, and I tried just not to GO THERE. But I did in my head a bit anyway. </p><p></p><p>He does seem better. I don't want to get too invested in that, for my own sake, and time and actions will tell, but he does seem a bit better. </p><p></p><p>Sigh. Who knows? He is now a 25 year old man. Old enough. He needs to keep on keeping on and walk through this process himself or not. I can't live it or do it or make it that much easier for him. </p><p></p><p>I will help him if and when he starts to show some decent and consistent action, and he knows that. </p><p></p><p>That is all I need to do for today. Time will tell. I am good today. I am now wanting some space and distance. SO and I are taking his daughter up to her univ. this week to move into her apartment so that will be a nice little physical and mental break. I have a couple of days to work here and then we leave on Thursday, back late Friday. </p><p></p><p>Just let time take its time. That is my thought today. Warm hugs and many thanks to you great people.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 631768, member: 17542"] Thank you to each and every one of you who posted above and who were here in thought and spirit even if you didn't post. I feel the silent witnesses and supporters here too. What a gift this place is. So....last night went well. Saturday I made the beef burgundy and a great chocolate cake, and that night SO and I went out to eat and then to get the Birthday Cake ice cream (that stuff is outrageously expensive for the amount you get...but whatever...I digress!). We picked difficult child up from the McDonald's at 4 yesterday. I had it all ready and had transported it to SO's house. He was so wonderfully sweet and supportive, had cleaned up his house, bought some things, had cleared out the washer and dryer in case difficult child wanted to use it, etc. Just a wonderful man and a wonderful support for me. difficult child did ask if he could wash clothes, so he got that going, took a shower at SO's house---said he had not had a shower since Thursday. He was low-key, kind of quiet, said thank you multiple times, seemed a little uncomfortable, kept saying he was tired, but very cooperative. When easy child and fiancee got there we all went outside to play with their new Corgi puppy and Emily and sat outside for a while, until time for dinner, went back in finished up the food and we ate. The dinner was good and I think everybody enjoyed it. Then we did the cake, singing Happy Birthday and presents and SO and Fiancee took some pictures of the three of us---easy child, difficult child and me---which was nice. No drama. No issues. He said he was going back to the Goodwill Career Solutions today to see about the job. My parents gave him $50 and he at first asked me or easy child to get the check cashed for him. SO and I had already discussed this...I didn't want to get involved with that...so SO looked on his phone quickly and found several places that will cash personal checks with ID and told difficult child that so that situation was averted. He said he wanted to get an apartment, and probably by himself so he doesn't have to worry about somebody not paying or whatever. I said, sounds good. He said, do you know of any? I said, Not really. That is the type of stuff I don't want to get involved with. A 25-year-old can find his own place to live and figure that part out. He also had commented last week that he needs a bike. And a job. So, I know how I would do it all....but I kept quiet. He needs to figure out the baby steps that will lead him out of where he is right now. That is an important part of this. So I didn't engage, and I didn't advise, and you know, actually, right now it's good that he doesn't have a phone. Good for me. Because I have been there done that and I know what happens after we see each other a couple of times in a row with not much time in between and then he starts texting and calling and I start thinking of how I can help.............and the slide.............happens. I don't want to be a part of that. So back to last night: A couple of times we were sitting there, all 5 of us (puppy great icebreaker!) and there was silence, and I started to get antsy so I jumped up and went to the kitchen to fool around there. They left about 8---easy child and fiancee took him back to the McDonald's and dropped him off (thank God I didn't have to do that, and I told easy child how much I appreciated HIM doing that) and I went home and went to bed. 40,000-foot view: It went well. I could feel myself getting hopeful and watching him closely to figure out (what? Figure out what?) what his point of view is, how is he REALLY doing, and I tried just not to GO THERE. But I did in my head a bit anyway. He does seem better. I don't want to get too invested in that, for my own sake, and time and actions will tell, but he does seem a bit better. Sigh. Who knows? He is now a 25 year old man. Old enough. He needs to keep on keeping on and walk through this process himself or not. I can't live it or do it or make it that much easier for him. I will help him if and when he starts to show some decent and consistent action, and he knows that. That is all I need to do for today. Time will tell. I am good today. I am now wanting some space and distance. SO and I are taking his daughter up to her univ. this week to move into her apartment so that will be a nice little physical and mental break. I have a couple of days to work here and then we leave on Thursday, back late Friday. Just let time take its time. That is my thought today. Warm hugs and many thanks to you great people. [/QUOTE]
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The week of difficult child's birthday---in middle of it
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