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Family of Origin
The win and the loss
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 676560" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>M is working hard on the other house, the one I bought for an office. I have decided that I will rent rooms out to other professionals, and leave one for me. The assumption at first was to rent to others in my own profession. But I tried to back away from that because I was afraid. Others in my profession can be and have been very mean to me. And I have felt no defense. Just kind of like open season on me. (The paradox which I cannot understand still, is that I am held in high esteem and in my work I hold myself in high esteem.)</p><p></p><p>So I was thinking I would rent to another profession, other than mine. Like attorneys. As is my sister. In that way they would not pick on me, because I am not in their family. But renting to attorneys means probably that there needs to be a designated conference room. That gets complicated. </p><p></p><p>So I am back to having to face head on that I am afraid of others in my profession because (while I may not respect them, even) because in my mind they can be mean to me, and I am afraid of them. And to have to face that is to have to face myself head on.</p><p>Very interesting, Cedar. </p><p></p><p>My work with prisoners was very hidden. Very private. Because they were such a disenfranchised group I had little fear of seeming success, high status with them would be low status in an outside group. Kind of like Alice in Wonderland or Gulliver's Travels.</p><p>This is what I was trying to tell you Serenity. This is part of the change in you. It no longer as much matters the past. It is you, now, who is the important part, with your family and your life.</p><p>Yes. If I could understand my susceptibility to contempt, I would come out of this whole. My colleagues employ contempt very skillfully. After all, theirs is a profession of pigeon-holing. And they think this is a great skill. </p><p>So if I look at it this way, to be surrounded by those in my profession is an opportunity for mastery.</p><p></p><p>The way it has felt has been to be pecked to death. And watching myself bleed. </p><p></p><p>This is to look at it in a radical way. They can peck and peck. I cannot control it. And the brighter and more beautiful my plumage the more they will do it. I will have no control over that, their pecking. But I do not have to bleed. Instead of seeing their pecking as hurts, I can deflect them. I can say to myself. That is one more acknowledgement of how far I have come, how strong I have become. </p><p>Taking care of ourselves is not hiding out in the house away from pecking. It is going into the world, as we define it, and holding ourselves safely, proudly no matter what. Is that it?</p><p>Our mothers and sisters were at one time our entirely world. The substance of which, around which we composed ourselves. That is the confusion.</p><p></p><p>I think the answer is what you have written, Cedar. Four perfect scarves. <em>I will make that my motto for this month.</em> Or maybe longer.</p><p></p><p>If we have four perfect scarves, perfectly ours, perfectly in our own image, they will be our mantles. Like Superman. Those scarves will be my symbol, my talisman of separation. Of individuation. Of protection. Of my absolute value. Separate and apart.</p><p></p><p>Think about the presidency. Would it be the same without the White House, the oval office. Remember President Clinton's rage when President Obama was surging ahead of his wife in the polls in the South 7 years ago. He said something like this: </p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Two weeks ago he would have been shining my shoes. </em></p><p></p><p>How contemptuous is that? And despicable calling into question the horrors of racial subjugation and hatred. </p><p></p><p>Obama, the man, came to be protected by the mantle of the presidency. And that we can do for ourselves and help each other to do so, as well.</p><p></p><p>In some ways COPA is a different and better person than am I. I am creating myself here. And my four perfect scarves will be a symbol of such.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 676560, member: 18958"] M is working hard on the other house, the one I bought for an office. I have decided that I will rent rooms out to other professionals, and leave one for me. The assumption at first was to rent to others in my own profession. But I tried to back away from that because I was afraid. Others in my profession can be and have been very mean to me. And I have felt no defense. Just kind of like open season on me. (The paradox which I cannot understand still, is that I am held in high esteem and in my work I hold myself in high esteem.) So I was thinking I would rent to another profession, other than mine. Like attorneys. As is my sister. In that way they would not pick on me, because I am not in their family. But renting to attorneys means probably that there needs to be a designated conference room. That gets complicated. So I am back to having to face head on that I am afraid of others in my profession because (while I may not respect them, even) because in my mind they can be mean to me, and I am afraid of them. And to have to face that is to have to face myself head on. Very interesting, Cedar. My work with prisoners was very hidden. Very private. Because they were such a disenfranchised group I had little fear of seeming success, high status with them would be low status in an outside group. Kind of like Alice in Wonderland or Gulliver's Travels. This is what I was trying to tell you Serenity. This is part of the change in you. It no longer as much matters the past. It is you, now, who is the important part, with your family and your life. Yes. If I could understand my susceptibility to contempt, I would come out of this whole. My colleagues employ contempt very skillfully. After all, theirs is a profession of pigeon-holing. And they think this is a great skill. So if I look at it this way, to be surrounded by those in my profession is an opportunity for mastery. The way it has felt has been to be pecked to death. And watching myself bleed. This is to look at it in a radical way. They can peck and peck. I cannot control it. And the brighter and more beautiful my plumage the more they will do it. I will have no control over that, their pecking. But I do not have to bleed. Instead of seeing their pecking as hurts, I can deflect them. I can say to myself. That is one more acknowledgement of how far I have come, how strong I have become. Taking care of ourselves is not hiding out in the house away from pecking. It is going into the world, as we define it, and holding ourselves safely, proudly no matter what. Is that it? Our mothers and sisters were at one time our entirely world. The substance of which, around which we composed ourselves. That is the confusion. I think the answer is what you have written, Cedar. Four perfect scarves. [I]I will make that my motto for this month.[/I] Or maybe longer. If we have four perfect scarves, perfectly ours, perfectly in our own image, they will be our mantles. Like Superman. Those scarves will be my symbol, my talisman of separation. Of individuation. Of protection. Of my absolute value. Separate and apart. Think about the presidency. Would it be the same without the White House, the oval office. Remember President Clinton's rage when President Obama was surging ahead of his wife in the polls in the South 7 years ago. He said something like this: [I] Two weeks ago he would have been shining my shoes. [/I] How contemptuous is that? And despicable calling into question the horrors of racial subjugation and hatred. Obama, the man, came to be protected by the mantle of the presidency. And that we can do for ourselves and help each other to do so, as well. In some ways COPA is a different and better person than am I. I am creating myself here. And my four perfect scarves will be a symbol of such. COPA [/QUOTE]
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