The Zen of Sarcasm.....a funny

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mstang67chic, Dec 4, 2008.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    The Zen of Sarcasm

    01. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

    02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

    03. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

    04. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

    05. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

    06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

    07. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

    08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

    09. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

    10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

    11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

    12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

    13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

    14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

    15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

    16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

    17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

    18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

    19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

    20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

    AND

    22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
     
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    :rofl: Thanks for these, I always appreciate a good chuckle!
     
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I love it!! This must have been written by someone who knows me!
     
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    LOVE IT!! Thanks!
     
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    These are great! :)
     
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    LOL, that had me weak!! thanks I needed a laugh.


    NO. 8 was my favorite!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  7. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Oh, that is a passer-oner to friends. Heh...I just invented that word.

    Abbey
     
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    That is so print worthy. Have to hang that one up somewhere.

    beth
     
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I like #1 - ROFLMAO
     
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hey, these are great. Thank you!
     
  12. Numina

    Numina New Member

    These are priceless, thanks for sharing.
     
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