therapist / difficult child/ diagnosis

[Kjs]

OK, difficult child has been seeing this new therapist. As well as me and husband.

Yesterday after difficult child's session he asked me to call him this morning. I couldn't had appointments. I called later and I was asked to come in.

We talked and He said some encouraging things and some scary things.

He said he has worked with many many kids, and difficult child is one of the smartest he has seen. He is also ultra sensitive. Said our biggest challenge isn't homework. It is getting him to survive.

He puts on an act at school, but is so very hurt, sad and depressed. Says things that sound scary, then says he doesn't mean it.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Very much so.
He said difficult child is definately big time ADHD and ODD as a bonus. ODD has settled down a lot.

He said difficult child is an extraverted auditory learner. He learns by engaging in conversation. I know that. If you talk to him it is like talking to an adult.

He said it is time we saw an edocronologist (Sp???) I asked if difficult child was ready for puberty if he isn't there naturally. He said difficult child was ready yesterday. His self image is very poor and being teased constantly is really hard on him.

Teachers all tell me he talks non stop. Doesn't matter where he is or who he is by. Once the lecture portion is done and they do classwork, then he has to go to the office cause his head hurts. Then to the bathroom, then use his pass. Same with tests. Stares at it for 5 minutes then asks to take it home. Then goes to the office, bathroom and doesn't finish.

therapist said addressing the anxiety could relieve a lot of symptoms. And addressing the ADHD would relieve a lot of symptoms. That we should discuss it with him and see what he would like to address first. I did and he said anxiety.

He doesn't sleep well at all.

therapist is also in contact with principal, via email and isn't charging. He said those things above need to be added to his IEP.

Meeting with principal and new Special Education teacher didn't go well yesterday. New Special Education teacher wants difficult child to do things HIS way. And difficult child won't. Not when you approach him like that. Principal agreed. teacher said, "I am sorry, I cannot work with him then".

Principal also said to be baby faced and small in high school is tough. He puts on a tough guy act, but then cries at home. Normal. Difficult. And he completely understands. He will keep an eye out and will not allow the teasing. He said that is bullying and he won't have it.
Principal also understands that to reach difficult child, it is on approach. difficult child falls apart if he feels out of control. Or if someone tries to force him to do something. SO, he said he will speak to him. He will give him choices and ask him for a suggestion. Make it sound like difficult child has come up with a plan to get his work in. Once difficult child thinks it is HIS plan, then he will be more willing to comply. Principal told Special Education teacher to revise his IEP and make sure extra time for tests is on it. That was before the Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and ADHD was told to me.

It has been a very long, long road. I am afraid for difficult child. therapist told me things to look for. His self image is so broken. He perceives things so twisted. Everything anyone says he takes as directed at him. I am scared. Also, one teacher offered an oral test. Any test under 70% he must retake. (school rule) On the retake she will do an oral test with him. That would be absolutely wonderful. therapist thinks so too. He said, "why didn't I think of that". At this point he is unstable and very fragile. Later we can phase that out.

And about his trip. therapist said he was surprised difficult child ever even got on the plane.

Tomorrow I call psychiatrist and endo. I am terrified of the statement, "our biggest challenge is to get him to survive".

I am happy that he actually explained things. I am happy he and difficult child click so well. I never realized what ADHD can actually do.

I have psychiatrist appointment tomorrow too. So much to say, so little time.

 

[tiredmommy]

I'm glad that therapist and the principal really seem to be trying to help difficult child and understand how serious things have gotten. I hope the cooperation helps difficult child get the help and support he needs to thrive.

 

[crazymama30]

KJS, a long time ago I told psychiatrist that my goal for difficult child was to get him thru high school (we are not close yet) with minimal dealings with the justice system. He told me that was a good goal. Scared the tar out of me.

When I am feeling down on myself I think of this saying, it goes something like ...I did my best, and when I knew better I did better. All we can do is keep on keeping on, and that includes getting difficult child's help. Hugs, and hang in there.

 

[smallworld]

I'm glad you have found a therapist who is taking the situation seriously and wants to help your difficult child. I'm also glad you're seeking a consult with an endocrinologist. You might also want to add in a consult with a new neurologist to address the migraine issue.

I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but ADHD shouldn't be diagnosed just by observation. Did this therapist administer any testing to confirm the ADHD diagnosis? In addition, ADHD-like inattention can be caused by other disorders, such as anxiety. All three of my children have at one time or another been diagnosed with ADHD, but we are coming to the conclusion that none of them actually has true ADHD. Rather, their inattention is fueled by mood issues. When the mood issues are treated appropriately, their inattention subsides.

I also wonder whether your difficult child's cluster of symptoms in actuality falls under an umbrella diagnosis, such a mood disorder or Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). A neuropsychologist evaluation might really yield some good answers at this point.

 

[Andy]

A Special Education teacher not wanting to bother to find the right approach? I would think the definition of a Special Education teacher would be to work with the student and apply creative out of the box techniqes to help kids learn?

I do understand the statement of "getting him to survive". Like my difficult child, yours will need to learn how to face everyday life without fearing every little thing. His anxiety is telling him that something bad will happen. And the fears just grow and grow. He really is living in fear and until he can figure out how to overcome it, he is doomed to a life of misery.

Tonight, my difficult child's thing is something is wrong with his fingers. The right hand, thumb and joints of the middle two fingers. Guess what? Those are his "bowling" fingers. He has bowled a lot in the last two weeks and has gone since Monday without. I told him his fingers were going into bowling withdrawals (just like I am - I can't wait until tomorrow after school to watch him bowl again). His new ball is a tad heavier then normal and I think his hand is adjusting to the weight. No biggie, but he surely must have something so wrong to be scared about - right? Always seems quick to pick up on that negative possibility.

Like your difficult child, my difficult child is very bright. I am beginning to think that could be the downfall? So intellegient they see a bigger picture than most. In their quest to figure out life, they explore all options and like most people, the scary ones are the hardest to overcome. And because they are smart, they will pick up on the scary possibilities. They see the good possibilities also but those don't bother them - they can deal with those. What if that is the way the situation goes? My finger's paper cut can get so infected that the doctor will have to cut off my finger. Right? Say it isn't so. It is possible - what if it happens to me? Oh no, I am afraid - I can loose my fingers. You have lived this as have I. It is so real for our boys. They are so young and their fears so deep. I know what you are going through.

I love how your principal is jumping in to help. To have someone pick up on your difficult child's learning style and use it to help him is fantastic. For someone who learns through conversation, the classroom is frustrating since in most classes there is little or no classroom discussions. Does he do well in the English classes where books/stories are discussed?

Your difficult child has a long road ahead of him. The prinicipal will try his best to get difficult child on the right road and steer him through the course. It will take a lot of work on difficult child's part but having the principal believe in him also will help tremendously.

I know your fears. I also know this bright light of a principal that is shining through. I so hope his plans work - they do sound great.

 

[gcvmom]

Thanks for sharing that -- a lot of it sounds very familiar to me with difficult child 1. The whole fear thing I think is a big issue for us, too. We'll know more after his evaluation in a few weeks...

I like what crazymama said -- about doing our best based on what we knew at the time. That's all any of us can do.

You're doing a great job and the fact that you're getting him the help he needs means he WILL survive! And so will you!

 

[timer lady]

Sounds like you have the start of a good team there, kjs. Just what difficult child needs right now.

by the way, be as terrified as you like regarding the survival statement but never let difficult child see you sweat. He will survive one way or the other. You are armed with information (that's half the battle) & can advocate for difficult child given the basis of that information. Good job, warriior mum.

 

[Kjs]

I had an appointment in the same building as difficult child's pediatrician. He took over for his past retired pediatrician. I went in to ask if he could recomend an edocrinologist, but fell apart when describing what is going on. He took me into a room and sat next to me. He said he knows difficult child is so very bright and that can be a downfall. He said when he speaks to difficult child, difficult child understands what he is saying, he really gets it. He also said something very interesting. Like difficult child looking up symptoms of diseases and think he is dying...pediatrician said, most medical students go through this. As they are studying diseases they realize OMG - I have that. Over and over. He said the fact is that all of us have a little Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), a little anxiety, a little depression, but we need to know the facts. Just because there could be one symptom it doesn't mean you have that. There are 100's of things with the same symptoms.

The one edocrinologist on my insurance, in this town.. the pediatrician said he doesn't think he works with kids, only adults. He said he will call him and see if he will see difficult child then call me back. He sat by my side and talked to me for a good 30 minutes. And he will call for me.

sigh.

 

[gcvmom]

What a great doctor that pediatrician is! Someone who actually has a heart and will take time to counsel a person who so clearly is in need of support at a time like this I'm glad he talked with you about the situation and is going to help you track down the endo for difficult child.

Hang in there! You are on the right path.

 

[Andy]

Doesn't it feel great to be moving on a path again? I hope this one leads to some answers. Hang in there.

 

[ML]

KJS I think that's the biggest challenge for a lot of our kids. Survival. I would hold on to the positives here. His intelligence will be his strength at some point. I think you're on the right track and doing the right things, the best that you can. You have a pretty terrific kid there ML

 

[C.J.]

You have had some wonderful guardian angels assisting you this week. therapist, principal, pediatrician - all taking time to look after your needs as well as the needs of difficult child. When people in our difficult child's lives are doing their life's calling, we are fortunate to be the recipients of their gifts and talents.

My 65 year old step father was a small kid when he entered high school, too. Juvenile diabetic, awkward, shy, very anxious, and brilliant. As an adult, he began an exercise regimen, ate better, and learned to control his diabetes (instead of diabetes controlling him). As his health improved, his mood improved. He has lived a most fascinating life - taught English in Berlitz schools in London, France, Switzerland, and Italy. He has a PhD in history (Western Civ), is a member of Phi Beta Kappa, and has taught history for twenty years at a local college. He has continued his own studies as well - Eastern Civ, world religions, learning Chinese. He's in Turkey this week on spring break, leading a group of students, young and old, through that country's many historical sites.

Your son's intelligence will help him help himself. I'm glad there are others in his corner trying to help him, too.

 

[TerryJ2]

Well, on one hand, you've made some great progress and you know you need an endocrinologist and therapy and probably medications. And that your difficult child is very smart.

on the other hand, Andy took the words right out of my mouth--a Special Education teacher who won't work with-a Special Education kid? EXCUSE ME? Pffffffffft!!!!

It's so hard to see into the future when life is so painful now, but your child can grow into a wonderful, happy, productive adult. I am reading the biography of Charles Schultz, and he was, in his own words, a nerdy little kid with-glasses whose mother made it worse by thinking no one could amt to anything. Thus, Charlie Brown and his gang was born. Lots of angst in those old comic strips.

I agree with-Linda, in regard to difficult child not seeing you sweat. You are in charge and you know what's best. If he sees you worry, it can be contagious.

Let us know how it goes. You're on the right track!

 

[TerryJ2]

Kjs, I just saw your second note about the pediatrician. He sounds awesome.
Neat conversation.
I hope you find a great pediatric endocrinologist not too far away. Are there any children's hospitals nearby? You may have to go to a big city and stay in a hotel.
Hugs to you and your difficult child.