Therapy appointment with difficult child

[flutterby]

About half way through the appointment, the therapist came out and asked me to come in. I really wish I had some warning that this was going to happen.

The therapist started with "it's obvious you each love each other very much, you just have problems communicating it". Then she asked me how I like my kids to show me that they care about me.

I wanted to say...how about not always telling me I'm a horrible mother and blah, blah, blah. But, I didn't. I told her that I knew that difficult child loves me, but that she and I see the world in different ways. difficult child is a pessimist. I'm an optimist.

Anyway, she continues.

And then.....

difficult child said OUT LOUD that she doesn't like authority.



I gave the therapist a, now you see what I'm dealing with, kinda look.

So, it went on and she got to see us in action. The way our conversations go, with difficult child constantly interrupting me, negating everything I say. With me, saying, "For God's sake, difficult child", in exasperation. All of it. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Gee. Can't wait for next week.

I did make a point to say that I want a rule that what we talk about in therapy and any feelings it brings up, stays in that office when we leave. I don't want to spend the night after an appointment rehashing it. Because difficult child is like a pit bull with these things and she will. not. let. it. go. So far, so good.

I'm exhausted. I really wish I had had warning, though. I've not met with the therapist without difficult child, so she doesn't know how easy it is to set her off.

 

[Wiped Out]

Heather,
Sorry you didn't get any warning but it was probably good for the therapist to see how difficult child really is. I'm glad so far she is sticking to not talking about it at home. Hugs, it sounds like a long day.

 

[ML]

It would have been nice to have a bit of a heads up here. But I agree it's good that therapist was able to see the dynamics first hand.

 

[susiestar]

It is unsettling to be thrown into that situation, isn't it?

It may be a blessing in disguise because now the therapist can see how easily difficult child gets upset, how hard it is to communicate with her, and how hard it is to either talk her down or let things go. Heck, maybe this will help the therapist TEACH her some better ways to self-calm and to communicate with you. I am reminded by what the best nurse and the therapist at the psychiatric hospital Wiz was in told me: They cannot help fix things they cannot see. If a child isn't showing the behaviors to the therapist/nurse/psychiatrist then they can't help treat the behaviors.

Here is to hoping this helps!!

 

[flutterby]

I'm a little worried that the entire therapy is going to be based on our "communication" issues, simply because to difficult child I am the source of all of her problems and I'm sure that's what she has relayed to the therapist.

There are many other issues that difficult child needs to address. Her skewed perception, her anxiety (not allowed to say that word to difficult child), her very black and white thinking...just for starters.

I'm thinking I need to schedule an appointment alone with the therapist.

 

[Josie]

I would be worried about that, too. I think your own appointment with the therapist is a good idea.