There is a WRONG way to handle a difficult child

N

Nomad

Guest
I do wonder if she consulted with an attorney here in the US. There was a poster here who for very similar reasons, had to "disrupt" the adoption. However I wonder if internationally this is not done or very difficult to do. She MAY have consulted with the people she adopted with and was "blown off." Chances are they don't want to hear about problems and/or disruption. She might not have known what avenues were available for her.
Also, I know what is meant by being lied to re: the circumstances of the adoption and not being prepared. Seems this is rather common. Out of all my friends and acquaintances who have adopted a difficult child, NONE are still married and many are very sick today. I am the only one left standing (crossing myself, lighting a candle, etc.) This mom could have been "off" to begin with...hard to say. Or the stress and strains of having a difficult child might have put her over the edge. Again, I do wonder if she explored her legal avenues. I'm glad the boy was not hurt. In an effort to "save face," officials will no doubt hold this boy up and do what they can to appease him, etc. In the end, this is not likely to go well for the boy. And the public relations/spin, etc. will be somewhat damaging to the mother. It's too bad she didn't handle this better. My guess is that she was exhausted and terrified. Literally, terrified for her life. If this boy has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), etc. he could become extraordinarily violent and she will likely be the object of his hate.
She may not have been safe in her own home. It's a horrible situation. I wish it were handled in a more appropriate and healthy manner, but if you think about it, perhaps she did the best she could under very difficult circumstances. But if someone had died, it would have been a tragedy. Hopefully, each party will get some authentic help.
 
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Star*

call 911........call 911
I heard on GMA this AM that ALL adoptions between Russia and the US have been ceased. I can not imagine how American families who are IN Russia and have been waiting to adopt feel at this moment about having spent all their time, energy and money for nothing - my thoughts are with the children who are going to have to wait for a home and the parents who won't be bringing them home today.:(

Again tho~ maybe this will open up a door for more US adoptions. :D Keep a positive thought.
 
The fact that this child is not traumatized by being completely surrounded by strangers may in fact point to an attachment disorder issue of some kind. I've read speculation that Reactive Attachment Disorder can be suspected for this child.

People with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis lash out at the loving family members closest to them.

As reported of the child in the news, a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) would be expected to get along swimmingly with strangers and new caregivers.

If a form of attachment disorder is indeed present in this child, it will surely surface when the next deeper than superficial family relationships start to build.

Certainly there must be a better solution than dumping the kid on a plane back to his nation of origin. What is "best" ...who knows.

My heart breaks for children who through any combination of prenatal exposure to drugs/alcohol and abuse/neglect in the first few years of life don't have proper brain function to build healthy relationships.

My heart breaks for the parents who try the best they know how to love Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-kids into health.

I'm grateful for the recent media exposure shining a light on Reactive Attachment Disorder.
 

donna723

Well-Known Member
Here's another article from the Nashville Tennessean. Check this out: http://www.tennessean.com/article/2...tive+mom++neighbors+had+colorful+feud+in+2006

This makes the woman sound even less stable then she did before! Apparently a few years ago, before she moved to where she now lives, she sold her former home to a lady who complained about an old, broken down mobile home across the street that this woman also owned. This kicked off a big feud and she painted the mobile home flaming orange and acid green, just to annoy the woman who had bought her house!
 

Marguerite

Active Member
OK, the article makes her sound less stable, but from what I read, it is something even I might do if sufficiently provoked. At least the paint job was neat - it could have been a mess of neon-coloured graffiti.

We have a neighbour who has the sensor lights and cameras pointing to the street all set on automatic. OK, he hasn't painted his house in neon colours, but his problem is with neighbourhood kids who repeatedly vandalise his property and attack his family (all because his wife used to be a rather unpopular teacher at our local school). I get on well with these neighbours but they can be very prickly and frankly, if they could back down a little they would find themselves far less targetted. But I think dad gets off on being a target, he seems to get a thrill out of having to call the cops and set up yet another high-tech gadget to foil these pesky kids. The kids throw banskia cones at his house (think pine cones only heavier and uglier) and so dad patrols the street with a chain saw, cutting back all the banksia trees that are growing on the nature strip. I got a bit annoyed with him for that, because these kids will (like te chimps at Gombe Reserve on their way to harvest termites) merely pick banksia cones form trees elsewhere, before they get to his house. And meanwhile it is OUR nature strip trees being stripped by this jerk instead.

Some people feud. And some people are drawn into feuds. From the sounds of this case, the neighbour was on this woman's property first, there are no prior reports or you can bet the media would have listed them (if only to make this woman sound even worse).

And some people like bright colours. We have a bloke in town (not the neighbour I just mentioned) who has painted his roof and one wall of his house, a vile electric blue. Then he stuck a large bright yellow plaster sun on the blue. Now the paint is peeling. It looked bad before, now add shabby to the list of crimes.

As for the trailer - I love colour. Something like that across the street from me wouldn't worry me one little bit. But it does make you a target for the neighbours, though.

Mind you, there would be no problem having mail delivered. No way the mailman could say, "I couldn't find your house."

Marg
 
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