There is much more

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by HopeFilledMama, Jun 21, 2016.

  1. HopeFilledMama

    HopeFilledMama New Member

    We went to my son's Residential Treatment Center (RTC) over the weekend to visit. For the most part, the visit went well. Monday we had family counseling. The focus was writing of house rules and consequences upon his (undetermined) discharge. The counselor had been on vacation for 10 days and had a report of some psycho/sexual tests that had been done. He handed it to me and asked me to read it and email him with questions.

    Our son was not part of the family counseling Monday (normally he is). However we were going to meet with him for a bit for a card game and to say goodbye. While waiting for our son to come I glanced at the front page of the report that disclosed a horrendous sexual acting out fact I had no previous knowledge of. I then had to put THAT out of my mind to be social with my son to finish up our visit.

    As I am riding home (hubby is driving) I read the report of the testing and I feel like I received a punch in the stomach. The results are terrifying, and I do not understand why this was given to me without a psychologist explaining the results and specific plans to help our son to make progress.

    I am heartsick and am doubting if there is even hope for him. So very sad.
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Wow! No wonder you feel like you have been sucker punched! Can you call the psychologist tomorrow? Are there diagnosises you can google and have a better idea what questions you can ask?

    So sorry... It must be like telling someone they have cancer and then s Ning them on their way with no plan of treatment. Ames me mad for you.

  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    So, he's been away, and in trying to catch up, dumps this report on you. Not exactly professional in my opinion.

    Front page. As in, anyone glancing at the report can see this. Really?

    I don't get it either. They may assume you know more than you do, and that none of this is news to you. Or, they may not have read it in detail themselves yet and don't know what 's in it. Whatever the reason - it wasn't handled very well.

    And yes, for a minimum, they need to give you both explanations and plans. And sooner rather than later.
  4. Praecepta

    Praecepta Member

    FYI - It is normal for boys to experiment when young. That includes experimenting with other boys as well as girls. If it is something like that, then I wouldn't be too concerned...
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    So sorry to hear this. I agree, someone should have gone over it with you and answered your questions/concerns. Just when you think you've heard it all...

    I swear it seems every time my son was in rehab there was some type of therapist transitioning going on. One leaving, new one taking over etc. It's maddening. Things are already unstable and crazy and then you have to deal with instability at the facility too!
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Precepts is right. Experimenting isn't violent or forcing though.

    I had an 11 year old who repeatedly hurt, in the worst way, my two youngest kids who were six Yeats histamine and it was forced. This isn't normal...he was charged by the county in a court of law...assault of a minor in the first degree. He wasb13 when he did it. The younger kids were 4 and six. He ended up having to sign up as a sex offender, which made sense. We suspect he did this to a disabled classmate too.

    The above is seriously dangerous sexual acting out.

    Relax if your son did less, such as stripping or kissing a girl on the cheek, a willing girl of similar age.

    Sexual acting out can be from innocent to corrective to dangerous. Unless am guessing your son did not do the dangerous. You probably would have been informed and CP S or the cops would have become involved, like it did with this child.

    Wait to hear from the psychologist before you get too worked up.

    I have been there and I hurt for you. Deeply. But I urge you to wait before you panic. Please try to have a good day. Lately I am reading that there are now therapies to change sexual behavior in a child. There is hope, no matter what.

    Hugs and more hugs.
  7. HopeFilledMama

    HopeFilledMama New Member

    My son is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because of sexually reactive issues. He was raped when he was 12 by a peer. That was disclosed by my son, and charges were filed against the boy. Then my son acted out towards a younger child 6 months later. I reported to DCS, and deemed "sexually reactive behavior". I became hover Mom and he was not allowed to be unsupervised ever when around others. He has had years of intensive counseling, both as a victim, then as a sexually reactive teen.

    He has since gotten involved with online sex role play. And is addicted to pornography. We have known this, and set parental controls and pull electronic devices and make the internet inaccessible. But because he is an addict, he finds a way around anything we set up.

    Pornography effects his moods and behavior, to the point that he is assaultive and has been adjudicated a delinquent for assaulting the principal at his school.

    That being said, he also has become involved in self harm trying to enhance his feeling of pleasure during masturbation. The last few months prior to entering Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he was not allowed any privacy due to potentially harmful activities.

    So that is what I know.

    If that is what I know, then trust me, the report includes other more horrendous things, including sexually abusing our cat; prior exhibitionism, behavior and desire to have sex with his sister. I knew nothing of these things. And I am totally repulsed by it. Hard to be a loving Mom, when your child is in such a bad place.

    Today I am seeking some way to hope for his future.
  8. HopeFilledMama

    HopeFilledMama New Member

    So much more...I replied in this thread to detail.
  9. HopeFilledMama

    HopeFilledMama New Member

    There are ongoing issues of sexual trauma and 1 case of acting out. He is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because of sexually reactive behavior as well as addiction to pornography which makes him very defiant and aggressive, which has resulted in assault several times. Autism (even though he is high functioning) makes him perseverate on sexual things, and also makes it difficult for him to empathize, though he does have some amount of empathy at times). The things on the report were shockingly awful, and I detailed them in a subsequent post on this thread.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    There is treatment for children. I pray it is successful. I just found about this.

    The child I refer to was going to be adopted. We had no idea he had done the things he did. The other two young abused kids, also adopted (I believe in adoption) were too afraid of his threats to kill us all if they told on him. So they said nothing.

    We could not allow him to stay in our home because he was so unsafe. It blew us all apart yet brought us together.

    You can come out of this okay and perhaps your son can get help and overcome this.

    Big hugs.
  11. Praecepta

    Praecepta Member

    Well all I can say is you are in the right place! Many (including I) have kids with the same problems as you just described - harming animals, sister, etc.

    You are not alone!