There is no pleasing difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterbee, Aug 10, 2007.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    She's been in this mood since Tuesday. Nothing makes her happy. She's been yelling at the kitten (who, by the way, has made a very nice recovery) and saying that the kitten is annoying her. Monday, Tuesday and most of Wednesday we weren't sure the kitten was going to make it. She was devastated. Now, the kitten is annoying her. Sigh...

    Last night she complains for the umpteenth time that her knee and her wrist hurt. Her knee hurts because she has a growth-related thing going on. I don't know why her wrist hurts. I also don't know why she comes to me with these complaints because I can't say or do anything to please her. She doesn't want tylenol or advil, nor heat nor ice and she doesn't want to soak in a bath. She says these things don't work. I tell her - again - that those are the only thing I know to offer that may help to alleviate the discomfort. She replied that if I really cared I would think of something. :surprise: Then it leads to how unfair everything is - how easy child gets to do things just because he's older (duh) - you get the idea. I asked her how we went from her knee hurting to this and she kinda laughed and said she didn't know. :hammer:

    I was writing this post in my head tonight when she came down crying and told me that Nana (my mom) wanted to talk to me. She said that Nana was being mean to her which is difficult child-speak for "I'm not getting my way". Seems they are having a disagreement over difficult child's hair. My mom told her if she isn't happy with the way it turns out tomorrow that she will fix it. She won't have to live with it. difficult child is just angry that she's not getting what she wants the way she wants it. Totally doesn't care that maybe my mom who did hair for 30 years may know what she's talking about. difficult child wants it her way. I understand wanting to offer guidance because you don't think the child will be happy with the results even though they asked for it. But, I also know my kid. It's only hair and it can be fixed. The way I feel about it is, if she's going to argue about it, do it her way and then she'll have to live with it for a bit if she doesn't like it. Then maybe she'll realize that some of us do in fact know a thing or two. Big maybe with my difficult child, though. :rolleyes: My mother, however, doesn't live with difficult child and thinks that she can reason with her, whereas I've learned to let difficult child learn some things on her own. So, I'm on the phone with my exasperated mother in one ear and my angry and crying girlfriend in the other. I couldn't help but laugh. Of course then difficult child stomped out of the room. AHHHHH! LOL difficult child really needs a better sense of humor. :wink: But then I AM rather easily amused.
  2. Janna

    Janna New Member


    You know, the "illnesses", Dylan always had those. Funny, it was always just before bed, at bedtime, or when it was time to go somewhere he didn't want to LOL! How convenient.

    Ignore her.

    Seriously. Offer her what you have to offer. If she's gonna keep whining, just walk away. You and I both know she's not hospital bound. Sounds VERY attention seeking to me (having been there done that).

    She sounds like she's pulling strings. Playing people. I mastered the art of "flat affect". Ever hear of that? People that have seizures, they freeze. Don't move, no eye contact, like a frozen ice sculpture. I do that with my mouth hahahaha!

    One time, Dylan, knowing he had no TV privelages, wanted to watch TV. He knew he didn't have the privelage. He cried. He walked behind me for almost 3 hours crying "I wanna watch TVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV". I did dishes. Threw some laundry in the wash. Mopped the kitchen floor. Put away dry laundry. Ignored him haha. Not ONE word. Did this consistently. Said what I had to say, once, not again. And ya know what? Over time (YEARS), he's stopped it. Because he knows I'm not gonna listen to it, acknowledge it, or fall for it.

    If he did that, dissed everything I offered and said "you'll find something if you care", I would walk away from him. Don't take that garbage. You don't deserve it.
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    OMG Heather, Copper was just like that for years.

    She turned 11, and that was it. I was ready to trade her in.

    Brace yourself babe, it gets darker before dawn. Sigh.
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Time she started learning basic first aid. Then, when she complains, she'll know to get some ice for the aches, Neosporin for the owies, etc. It's amazing how quickly complaints quit when you have to fix them yourself. :wink:

    As hard as it is, try not to laugh. I found that this was a major sin as my daughter got older. I still hear how little I care about her. If I cared, I would have noticed her feelings and not laughed when she was hurting. And, yes, she's serious. It is a battle you can't win.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sounds as if puberty is rearing it's ugly head.

    I don't wanna scare you, but wait til she's 15. I swear there is something biologically "off" with 15 yr old girls. (at least with all of the one's I've met, including my own) You'll be wondering just why on earth it was that you wanted children in the first place. :surprise:

    Oh, the drama of teen girls. *sigh*

  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Too late! :wink:

    Unfortunately, I can't really blame this one on puberty. She's pretty much always been this way. It's a gift. :rofl:
  7. lynnp

    lynnp New Member

    It is impossible to please them sometimes!! Ignoring them takes a Hurculean effort. Often our difficult child just follows us around then starts breaking things to get attention. I hope that with out newfound determination he'll get the idea in a year or two!!!
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Heather, this is sooo my difficult child. She gets the aches and pains, too. Of course she refuses to take a motrin, but continued to complain. Then blames me for it.
    I finally just started saying, "there is nothing I can do for you. If you would like me to take you to the doctor's, I will." She would always refuse that offer and walk away.
    Hated going to the docs! :hypnosis: I am so evil!

    It is less often at 16, but still there. Now I just say, "it does not matter what I say, it will not be good enough for you." and walk away. I think she started realizing the truth in that because it stops her now. Maybe in her mind it is another moment she gets to consider me the worst mom in the world. I say, go for it!

    I had to learn to let things roll. Or have big shoulders. I have told her dad and stepmom that I know I will be the one to be blamed for her every problem as an adult, and I am ready for it. In my heart I know I did everything possible for this child and if I have to deal with the blame, so be it.
  9. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    This is my son to a tee...............I am mean...........if I have to hear one more time about his latest ache or pain, or how we have nothing to eat (right!), or how I got the wrong kind of soap at the store, I think I will scream. OK, actually I already have done that, but - I will scream some more? :crazy2: I don't get it! All the drama, the me, me, me.............grrrr! I want to tell him to go dig a ditch for an hour with the workers by the side of the freeway in this 100+ degree heat, and then let me know what hurts!

    All we can do is ignore them, put on large ear muffs, or find some ear plugs, and ignore, ignore, ignore. You know what I wanted, if I could ever afford it, are those headphones they sell at Brookstones, that block out all sound. Now that would be the ticket!

    Take care~~

    On a side note - baby Abbey is feeling better? YAY!