they kicked matt out

[Nomad]

If he in fact broke many of the rules and wasn't working the program, in a weird way, this could be a good thing for him. He could learn logical consequences. However, I do wonder if there is a safer way to do it...like slightly more lead time and referral information.
This is especially true since its already been noted that he probably shouldn't live alone (never mind out on the streets alone).
Use words like "proper discharge protocol." That might make them think.
And I agree with- Suz, that prediction comment was uncalled for.
Are they letting you talk with- your son?
Perhaps if all avenues are a dead end, you can wire him some money or have him try to get to a certain location to meet you in a few days?
Do they have a local mental health clinic? If so, that would be a good place to call for some answers.
If the facility he was at thinks his diagnosis is severe, perhaps they would help you get him on disability and he could use the funds in the future for housing.
IN the mean time, I think the idea is you would like to guide him to a safe location, let him know what services are available to him, protect your own mental health and see what develops from there.
Be careful and hang in there!

 

[Star*]

Steely,

This may not be a GREAT - help. But maybe there is a Salvation Army in the town that Matt is in and MAYBE there is a Captain of that Salvation Army that would have a heart and could go to the place and pick Matt up and give him a night's lodging and food, and possibly use of a telephone or a way to get to a place for money to be wired to him via Western Union so he's not sitting somewhere broke.

 

[Suz]

Are you paying the ed cons? If yes, and since the program will only talk to him/her, the ed cons should be earning his/her money and doing something positive to intervene now!

Suz

 

[Mattsmom277]

I'm so sorry this is all happening. Please keep us updated as things go on from here.

I wonder though, is there do you think, more to this? A Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can't just throw out a patient without a reason. If it is because of you calling and wanting interactions and questioning their program, I can see them giving a date for him to leave. Even a quick release date such as a week away. But to suddenly discharge a patient wihtout notice, knowing their family is so incredibly far away, with no support and no place to go? Something isn't flowing here. Even though they seem to shuck off traditional approaches (family involvement etc), and even though some of what you've said over time makes me suspicious of this place as a whole, I am pertty sure that they would realize they are opening their facility and staff up to investigations and all kinds of things if they discharge wiht notice. Seems to me, it sounds like either A) difficult child did something to warrant immediate removal B) He was informed ahead of time which you weren't aware of since you haven't spoken to him in past days (the ed person could have been mistaken and in fact difficult child knew) C) maybe they gave him x amount of time to get out and he said no, that he would leave today, so a noon deadline was given to ensure he was discharged early and staff could work on preparing is space there for a potential new intake????

I just sense something moe to this. Regardless, what a horrid situation. (((hugs)))

 

[Lucedaleblessed]

Our ed-con told us that in one of the programs we could choose for our daughter but not one he would recommend our arrival to pick her up would be a surprise for her.

At this specific program the other student must not be told if one of the students leave. It doesn't matter if they are graduating or are kicked out. The students who remain back in the program must not learn to read how a student who is leaving looks or they will use this for manipulation.

On the other hand the staff can use the situation where a student is missing without warning in a therapeutic way. Based on the condition of the group they could use this sudden exit to tell that the student has been transferred to a more structured program even if it is not true in order to motivate the group.

So perhaps this is the reason you are not allowed to talk to him before he leaves the program. The other students must simply not see his joy about being able to leave.

But I find it very disturbing that they don't give you more time to arrange some kind of travel back to his home.

 

[rejectedmom]

Steely this is exactly what the place in GA did to my difficult child. Here is what I did. I called the nearest inexpensive hotel and booked a room for him. Then I called the police who were holding him for the facility even though difficult child was not charged with a crime. The captain gave difficult child a few bucks and took him to the hotel. I got to him the next morning by driving all night.

The place just turned my difficult child over to the police (he had left the facility without permission hence the immediate expulsion). I didn't get a call until the police couldn't hold him anylonger due to there being no crime involved. Then the facility would not let husband and I on campus to get difficult child's things. They made his roomates pack them up and all we got back was dirty work clothes and wet towels. All the good things including a full set of golf clubs were taken and it cost us over 200 dollars in COD charges. Oh yeah they also offered to have someone drive my son halfway for seven hundred dollars if I signred a release form giving them no liability if anything happened to him. It totally stinks what these so called professionals do just because they can. Things might be different with a minor but once they are over 18 no care is given to how they discharge. That is why I will no longer recommenfd out of state placements. If you need to talk... PM me and I'll give you my phone number. You are living my past. (((HUGS))) -RM

 

[KTMom91]

No other suggestions, just hugs, love, and support for you both.

 

[DammitJanet]

This is absurd. Could this place be being shutdown? Cory got tossed out of a group home at midnight one time but it was because the group home was being closed immediately due to the arrest of the owner. All the kids were being forced to be picked up right then or go into detention.

Im guessing the snow part is on his end not yours. Can you call someone near him like was suggested and find him lodging until you can get to him?

Maybe this will show everyone how he can step up. Who knows. I will pray.

 

[Steely]

thank you for all of the words of wisdom. i feel your prayers and thoughts.

i told the program to send him to vegas, where i have a friend who will pick him up. it is a 4 hour drive from me, so i will drive there tomorrow and try to see what i can figure out.

 

[klmno]

Can you trust them to do that-are they actually going to buy a plane ticket for him? What reason did they give you for kicking him out into the snow with no notice? Something isn't adding up to me.

 

[Nomad]

Sounds like a plan.
Ya know often the kids make good friends at these places, so it doesn't feel good to leave them. Lessons could be learned here.
Chances are high that he was forewarned.
However, it also sounds like staff was frustrated and showed it.
In the end, they seem to be working with you....so perhaps it is all settling down now.
Sending good thoughts/vibes.

 

[DammitJanet]

Steely, I am a bit confused. If this program was just going to open the door and shove Matt out without a thought, how is he getting to Vegas? Are they willing to transport him to an airport and buy him a ticket at the last minute? Is someone willing to stay with him at the airport until a flight becomes available?

What about if he becomes unstable and refuses this plan? Have you talked to him? You said they wouldnt allow you to talk to him. Is he safe to be on a plane by himself in the condition he is in? These days, all you have to do is say one wrong word and you can be in big trouble.

Or is someone driving him or putting him on a bus or train? That might be safer. But then, what if he just gets off somewhere along the way. Sigh. So many what ifs.

This is all very concerning.

From what you have previously said about this place, I wouldnt have thought they would help with getting him anywhere except out the door.

 

[Hound dog]

Wow. I can't believe they'd just dump him like that knowing he had nowhere to go and no one to help him....especially with no phone and no funds. I'd be contacting someone about this facilities practices.

Star's suggestion about the Salvation Army is a good one. It would put a roof over his head, food in his stomach, and should give him access to a phone to at least call you collect.

(((hugs)))

 

[CrazyinVA]

Steely, I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and Matt. Please check in when you can and let us know how things are going.

 

[Steely]

I bought the last minute plane ticket online and arranged all of the transportation. I did everything from 2k miles away, screaming into the phone. I was not allowed to ever talk to matt to even know his state of mind. The first time I talked to him was when my friend picked him up at the airport.

They told matt that I wanted him to leave, and that is why he was leaving. They told me that matt wanted to leave, and that is why the program was not working and he had to leave. In the case of the program not working, they were right on. I already knew that. In the case of it being so urgent that they had to have him out by noon, I don't see it.

This program has done damage on his psyche, and frankly I am too sick to write about it. It was so evident as he talked to me yesterday. It was like being around someone who just got out of prison. They way he was hardened and calloused towards people - the way he did not how to interface or interact in society - the way he was awkward and uncomfortable in giving me a hug. He has not had a hug from me, nor seen me, in 6 months. We have not talked without them telling him what to say and sitting in on the conversation for over 4 months. Again, I won't go on. It is just too disturbing.

I am now in California with him, trying a last chance program. I drove 8 hours yesterday through rain, ice, and snow, to pick him up from vegas and get to California.

Wish us prayers and luck today at this last effort for a chance for him to get his life back together.

 

[Hound dog]

Steely

My prayers are with you and Matt.

((hugs))

 

[CrazyinVA]

Bless you, Steely. And Matt. What an ordeal, for both of you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[klmno]

Geez....they probably just wanted to raise their rates and get M out so they could get someone else in for a higher fee who maybe had a parent that didn't question anything. I don't know but I hope this leads to a better placement- one that helps M more and that you are more comfortable with. I'm keeping fingers crossed that this place you're checking into works out.

 

[KTMom91]

Hugs and prayers headed in your direction.

 

[Star*]

Steely,

Make sure you ask a lot, lot, lot of what if questions BEFORE you sign him in here Steely since this is the last chance. Hindsight is 20/20.

Wishing you both all the best! Safe Journey!

Hugs
Star