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they kicked matt out
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 334369" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Steely, what is the program going to do? Are they just going to show him the door, or are they willing to find him someplace to stay? Who is is SSI payee?</p><p> </p><p>I think you're very insightful to recognize that Matt is probably going to have a hard time living alone. I totally missed that with- thank you. He needs another body present. </p><p> </p><p>Ideally, if Matt could get into an adult program where they at least minimally supervise him and guide him on getting services, that would be best. There are adult agencies here in Chicago that do that, but it does require compliance on the client's part, which is why thank you isn't in one. </p><p> </p><p>It really depends on what Matt is willing to do, what he wants to do, on how much you are willing to fight - both for him and probably against him, as well as your tolerance for watching him flounder or worse, not hearing from him at all.</p><p> </p><p>This first year of thank you's "adulthood", of him not being in a program, has been hands down the most difficult year of our lives. The months of not hearing from him, and then having him show up emaciated and bedbug infested. Sending him back off on his own with groceries and not hearing from him again for weeks. His repeated refusal or inability to access services. His continued delusional thought processes - grand plans and no concept of how to follow thru - and his refusal to accept help. We've run thru every option we could think of, even toyed with the idea of buying a house for him to live in. In thank you's case, it has boiled down to he will do what he will do, without rhyme or reason, and any setting/program/living situation that imposes any kind of expectation at all is going to make him bolt. So we wait (I'm not sure for what).</p><p> </p><p>On a positive note, thank you is still alive (which is not something we take for granted). He's slowing starting to own his life - after 5 months with- no SSI payee (and thank goodness the SSA required him to have an agency as payee, not an individual), he finally got off his posterior and got a case manager. He's currently living with- girlfriend and her mother, but he's flitted around quite a bit from floor to floor. I wouldn't be surprised if he's spent more than a night or 2 on the streets, but I don't ask questions that I don't want to know the answers to.</p><p> </p><p>You cannot make the choices for Matt, nor can you force him to make decent choices. You can't (or shouldn't in my humble opinion) protect him from the consequences of his choices. It really is on him now. The only thing you can control, kinda, is the extent to which his choices affect you. This is *Matt's* life now. Unless or until he realizes he needs supports, your options are pretty limited.</p><p> </p><p>Many gentle hugs to you, Steely. Make sure to take care of yourself now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 334369, member: 8"] Steely, what is the program going to do? Are they just going to show him the door, or are they willing to find him someplace to stay? Who is is SSI payee? I think you're very insightful to recognize that Matt is probably going to have a hard time living alone. I totally missed that with- thank you. He needs another body present. Ideally, if Matt could get into an adult program where they at least minimally supervise him and guide him on getting services, that would be best. There are adult agencies here in Chicago that do that, but it does require compliance on the client's part, which is why thank you isn't in one. It really depends on what Matt is willing to do, what he wants to do, on how much you are willing to fight - both for him and probably against him, as well as your tolerance for watching him flounder or worse, not hearing from him at all. This first year of thank you's "adulthood", of him not being in a program, has been hands down the most difficult year of our lives. The months of not hearing from him, and then having him show up emaciated and bedbug infested. Sending him back off on his own with groceries and not hearing from him again for weeks. His repeated refusal or inability to access services. His continued delusional thought processes - grand plans and no concept of how to follow thru - and his refusal to accept help. We've run thru every option we could think of, even toyed with the idea of buying a house for him to live in. In thank you's case, it has boiled down to he will do what he will do, without rhyme or reason, and any setting/program/living situation that imposes any kind of expectation at all is going to make him bolt. So we wait (I'm not sure for what). On a positive note, thank you is still alive (which is not something we take for granted). He's slowing starting to own his life - after 5 months with- no SSI payee (and thank goodness the SSA required him to have an agency as payee, not an individual), he finally got off his posterior and got a case manager. He's currently living with- girlfriend and her mother, but he's flitted around quite a bit from floor to floor. I wouldn't be surprised if he's spent more than a night or 2 on the streets, but I don't ask questions that I don't want to know the answers to. You cannot make the choices for Matt, nor can you force him to make decent choices. You can't (or shouldn't in my humble opinion) protect him from the consequences of his choices. It really is on him now. The only thing you can control, kinda, is the extent to which his choices affect you. This is *Matt's* life now. Unless or until he realizes he needs supports, your options are pretty limited. Many gentle hugs to you, Steely. Make sure to take care of yourself now. [/QUOTE]
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