they took my son away

[donna723]

I am so sorry all this is happening to you. I wish I had more to offer besides cyber hugs and a shoulder to lean on, but I don't. "The System" doesn't make much sense anymore and seems to do more harm than good. This is the reason I have put off becoming a foster parent after going through all the training, home studies, etc. I just don't know if I could deal with the frustration and heartache of dealing with "The System"!

Is there anything out of line on his "MySpace" page? Anything they could have taken offense to or could make something out of? Could you get his MySpace account deleted? The courts are really paying attention to this kind of thing now. I have a friend at work, a wonderful, loving, concerned mother who is going through a bitter divorce ... she just lost custody of her 12 year old daughter, mainly due to the girls' "MySpace" page! She claimed to be 14, posted pictures of herself that make her look much older, then gave her real (very unusual) name and the name of their very small hometown! The mother cancelled her MySpace account but the girl re-posted it from a friends house ... the mom didn't know. The judge blamed the mom and gave custody of the girl to the father ... who didn't really want custody of his daughter, he was more interested in hurting the mom. And the father who was so "concerned" - after over a month, the pictures are STILL on "MySpace"! He hasn't even bothered to cancel her account!

Sending lots of hugs... I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[Crazy-Steph]

I don't have anything to offer as far as advise goes. I just wanted to add my moral support. Good luck and try to stay strong!

 

[klmno]

Thanks guys- you've given me great support and the only support that I haven't had to pay for! I spoke with the attorney who I had previously consulted regarding the sd situation. He says he can help with this, so I went to his office to go over details and leave a big check. He's going to make some phone calls to try to find out what the GAL's goal is. He's also going to try to find out if any "concerned uncles" called and got this initiated. He's somewhate suggesting FAPT. (I think those are the letters) Is anyone familiar with this? Also, wants to bring up to them that I'm ok with the day school at the treatment center- but not the ones the sd proposed. It's my impression that the one at the treatment center actually does work with the child and has a pretty good "success rate". I don't know if I can get the sd or courts to pay for it though. No one has suggested this school yet.

And, since the GAL seems to be acting more like the school's attny, he wants to relate this back to sd handling some things inappropriately and some things they did maybe even drove him or triggered this. (Not that it justifies or excuses everything.) You'd have to look at the timeline, but it makes sense. He is a Special Education attny, primarily, and has a difficult child in his family. He wants to educate the GAL on some of this.

If I could get over the fear and pain of what the other, older boys could be doing to my son, it would help so much. All I do is cry about it.

I also went to the courthouse to file a request to find out what all GAL is requesting. I can't believe I have to do this- I am his parent and guardian- why shouldn't I be informed?

 

[branbran]

I cant speak for all Juvie Centers, however my difficult child daughter spent 7 months in one and sad to say - she recieved the best care there. I worked closely with the social worker and director there. I went to every visit. DO NOT MISS ONE. They are closely watched. I am sure your son will be fine. In the facility my difficult child was in, each child had his or her own room. Did not shower together. There really wasnt much opportunity for foul play.

My heart goes out to you big time. I have been thiking about you all day today. I am so furious with the system. It just is not fair. I cant seem to understand the logic they are going by. How can they possibly feel your fgf is better off in and out of foster homes!!!! The statistics show that cildren do not do well living like this. Especially children with the problems that ours have. I wish I had more advice. Did you look into "Family Ties", I mentioned that to you already. What about "The Student Advocacy Board". Write your congressman. Write the news, tell your story to whoever will listen. Get a phone book and appeal to every lawyer in it. You might just get lucky, maybe one will be your angel and take your case for free. There a lists available of lawyers who do pro-bono work. Not sure how to obtain that info, but I know they exist. Write Dr. Phil for pete sake!!!!

You are in my thoughts. I will pray for you.

 

[Steely]

Just FYI, I believe, although I am not positive, that the SD has to pay for the best treatment plan for your child. So if your child's psychiatric and you agree that one is better than the other for your child's well being, than the SD, I believe, has to pay for that. At least that is what I know of Texas laws.

Also I would be working on a medication plan that you and the psychiatrist have come up with, to present in court. Basically like an outline of what medications have been tried, and what the new plan of action is going to be. Is it possible that he start a new medication where he is???? Since you are still his guardian than it seems like it would be. If so, then that would really show you are being proactive and involved in trying to get your child stable no matter what. Even a low dose of something like Seroquel or Risperdal to start with would help even his moods out, and help him think straighter, and, in turn, he might give a better impression of himself and you to the system.

Again, I am thinking of you. Stay strong, it will get better.......somehow, someway.

 

[DDD]

(If you feel particularly vulnerable right this minute do NOT
read this piece of advice. Wait until later.)

You can NOT cry or show your vulnerability in front of anyone.
Period. You have to present yourself as self-confident, very
knowedgeable, reasonable etc. etc. It is not easy. IF you have
made errors in judgement in the past that is ok...you just have
to state like an extremely mature adult "I realize that I could
have done a better job xxxx and am taking steps to improve my
parenting skills."

Yes, I know it is a bummer. on the other hand, you can not "beat" the system
no matter how illogical the actions may seem. You have to think
of it as a theater or movie role and play act how they want you to be. Truthfully, if you "act" a role long enough you can find
yourself making those choices etc. rather naturally. I do NOT
mean fake accents etc...lol. Just pretending you are a modern
June Cleaver, for example.

The bottom line is truthful. You LOVE your child. He NEEDS
you. You must adapt to make sure his best interests are the result of this action.

I have been a daily Mother since l960. Most people think I am
terrific. There are "still" times when I have to role play in
order to provide what my difficult children need. It is NOT a cop out. It is
a determined way to improve yourself for the sake of improving your childs life. Sending hugs. DDD

 

[klmno]

The psychiatrist told me to asked them what they think they could/would do differently. Of course, there are things I wish I'd noticed and handled differently as he's grown to 12 yo. But, I do not regret taking the break from therapy. We heard "I don't know what to do" a few times. we heard "so, how does it feel to know you're dad rejected you" and we heard "you need a good therapist..try this person" about one too many times. They didn't have the answers. That doesn't mean that I think none of them do- I went when I was in my early twenties and finally found the right one and it changed my life in a miracously way- I've taught my son that there is nothing wrong with it. I told him we were taking a break from it because it became overwhelming and was not providing us with effective answers at that time. I, personally, feel they didn't have the answers because he had suddenly starting acting out and acting different in general, which is why I was there, but we're still trying to nail down the diagnosis. I think the root of it is depression, which they had said, but how to deal with the way he-s handling it- all I know is that therapist's lectures about behaving himself did not, and will not, "cure it".

I'm a whole lot more worried about what damage is being done to him and how far backwards is this going to put him while the legal people and agencies are figuring out that there is no blood test to definetely determine what's wrong and what the right medications are. I have done what I thought was in the best interest of my difficult child- he is my world- there would be no other road for me to take.

I used the analogy with the attny today- some years ago everyone wondered why some kids didn't do well in school and the kids were frustrated because of it. when people started figuring out that some of these kids were autistic, some were dyslexic and it took different types of help to aid them, then the kids were able to suceed and live to their potentials. But, when it comes to emotional disturbances, or classified as other things- the sd and a lot of other people still want to classify them them as all "problem kids" and they are not getting help that is tailored to their individual problem- they are too busy blaming it on the parenting. They have difficulty diagnosis'ing bipolar and some other things this quickly, but these are real problems.

I'm just frustrated and hurt. I'll do my best to bite my toungue with people who want to tell me how to raise my child, when they don't even have a child, but I still feel I need to fight for him to get help- real help- not a show.

 

[sweepymom]

Im so sorry about what you are going through. I have a friend that has a difficult child and someone told child welfare that she gave him pot and since her urine was hot they took her kids. The foster family that has 2 of her kids (2 out of 4) said that if they would have told her about the difficult child then she would never have taken him. Children like that need their mom and dad and no matter what we do it will never be good enough until all difficult child's are perfect angels. Sometimes if you have family as a resource child wealfare will try a family member before foster care. But try a lawyer either way. we will pray for you.

 

[ALogan3]

Great Job getting an attorney!! :smile:
Great job hanging in there!!
You are awesome!!
Prayers!!
and
HUGS!
Andrea