Things are a bit easier today

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JKF, Oct 26, 2012.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    It's been 2 days since I found out difficult child is in county jail. The first day was horrible and yesterday was bad but I'm more accepting of everything today. I feel a little more at peace. At least I know where he is and that he has a roof over his head and something (although WHAT I don't know) to eat.

    He tried to collect call me this morning but it wouldn't let me accept because he has to pay a $150 jail processing fee before he's allowed to have things like phone and commissary. I wrote him a letter though and explained that we love him and are here for moral support but that HE has to change things if he doesn't want his life to continue on like this.

    I talked to inmate services and they said his court date is November 2nd but it's very unlikely that the judge will release him ROA because he doesn't live in the state, will be considered homeless as of Monday because he's losing his bed at the group home and has no job. The bail is $10,000 with a 10% bond option but I can't risk paying it because I know he'll never go back to face court dates, etc.

    So it's reality now - difficult child is officially in jail. On top of that I'm sick, have 30 people coming for a costume party tomorrow night, and we here in NJ are expected to get a direct hit from Hurricane Sandy on Monday. They're calling it "Frankenstorm" and it will supposedly be a storm of "historical proportions"! Uggggh! Good times I tell ya! Good times!!!
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That storm does look scary! I hope it does not ruin any of the fun you want to have.

    I'm sorry about his being in jail but glad that little by little the acceptance is creeping in. Over different situations of course, I can totally relate to that. Just wishing it was not so at first and little by little realizing the world is not ended, it stinks to high heaven, but it is what it is and not much you can do. You are so right not to jeopardize your home/life for bail. It would do no good in any way, he is not going to go and do well at the rehab obviously and he will disappear leaving you in a terrible place and hurting your relationship even more. So many parents here have said that in the end they are glad they made that terrible decision. I hope their arms around you are helping.

    Wishing you ever increasing peace of mind, Dee
  3. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Thanks Dee! I have to be honest, when I first heard the storm was coming I hoped it would happen Sat so I could cancel this party. So not in the mood for "fun" with everything that's going on with difficult child. At this point, I don't think the storm will ruin our party tomorrow but they're saying we're pretty much in for it Sunday - Thurs. And Wednesday is Halloween AND my 36th Birthday! Last year we had a freak snowstorm on the 29th so trick or treating was cancelled and I have a feeling it will be again this year! This storm is supposed to hit on the 29th as well - same date as last year's snow. Crazy!!

    And yes, I am slowly realizing difficult child's situation isn't the end of the world. It's very sad and scary but we'll survive and so will he, hopefully for the better.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    oh gosh, that's right, do I remember you lost power even? how strange to have storms year after year like that. Even here in MN we still talk about a huge halloween storm that was over 20 years ago....(so much snow things were shut down for days)....

    It is more common for it to be chilly and rainy maybe snow that doesn't stick kind of thing here. But we have some amazing years where no coats are even needed to go out. I like those years.

    I hear you about not really minding to have to cancel the party. Its hard to get into celebrating and all the stress of pulling it off when a huge thing is hanging over you. But maybe the distraction is just what you need??? I hope so.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    JKF, it's always good to get updates and find out mom's and dad's are moving along and feeling better, thanks! Well, you've made some difficult choices and I'm happy to hear you're coming to acceptance. It does get easier as we learn detachment and acceptance, the keys to then focusing on our own lives and our happiness and peace of mind. Good for you.

    I don't envy you those storms, I grew up in NY and lived in CT for quite awhile so I remember that well. Yikes. I hope you have a great birthday in spite of all of this stuff with your difficult child. Happy Birthday!! And, I hope the party turns out to be just what you need to forget difficult child land and re enter your own world with laughter and friends...........
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad you're breathing a bit easier today. Sometimes things being taken out of our hands can be a big relief, and it tends to lessen the guilt feelings. The costume party might be just what you need as a distraction, even if you're exhausted.. hope it goes well!

    We're battening down the hatches here in Virginia and preparing for Sandy, as well. Aren't likely to get a direct hit but just the winds from these types of storms tend to do a lot of damage here, lots of folks without power from downed trees etc. Some of my friends lost power for a week or more when we got hit in 2011 and 2010, I know they're dreading this. Luckily I am on the same grid as a fire station behind me, so the longest mine has gone out is about 24 hours .. keeping fingers crossed that's the case again!