Janet, my friend, this is all just nutso. Insane. Not cool. BUCK? Again? Ugh. Argh. Grgphmphfhafragh (I can't type what I would say if I was allowed)
This stuff needs to stop for you. Tony may indeed choose to help Buck, that's his choice. That help need NOT come in the form of him dictating to YOU that the help involves YOU. WHich it does when Tony's "help" for Buck requires Buck under YOUR roof. It's Friday. I would state clearly, to both of them when they are both together: It is Friday now. Buck has until Sunday dinner time to sort himself out. Tony, you are obviously welcome to offer whatever help you want, so long as it does NOT obligate me because you have NO right to force YOUR help on another person, meaning ME. If at 6pm Sunday, Buck is still in this house with his belongings, I will call police and have him removed. There will be NO DISCUSSION. I do NOT choose to enable Buck. I will NOT discuss this with you Tony. We have discussed this over and over and it is time we agree to disagree and this discussion will never happen again because you Tony are my spouse and I will not allow the inability of another to get their life together to impact OUR life together. Feel free to speak privately among yourselves what Buck will do no later than Sunday evening. Do NOT discuss it in my presence. Do NOT attempt to bring this topic up again. Do NOT convince yourselves I'm blowing hot air. I assure you both that I am NOT. I will NOT be hearing a word more uttered in MY home on the topic. I will have phone in hand to call police at 6pm Sunday.
I would then leave the room and give them plenty of time to speak freely to each other, and I wouldn't bite at all if you overhear them upset with you. It matters not, and you can predict that you will be "the bad guy". Oh too bad so sad. At least you reclaim your home and life.
I would also make clear to Tony, if he attempts to bring the topic up despite your clarity that it will NOT be discussed, that you meant it and you are NOT discussing it nor listening to how he feels about it. He can privately own his feelings as you yourself are owning yours. If he does dare to threaten you with him going, say well feel free because it would your choice, not mine but nor can I stop you. And walk away.
It's time. Every single solitary day this continues, the message remains the same to them: Janet will make a fuss, but we can ignore her or continue to argue with her, whatever. But regardless, Buck will stay so lets just not worry about little old Janet.