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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 764419" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think it always comes back to us. I will probably not be around when my son is 50, anyway.</p><p></p><p>What I mean <em><strong>by back to us</strong></em> is this:</p><p></p><p>1. There is a reality that is located in them. About them, how they act. What they do. What they say. The manipulation. The constant barraging us for this, that. Etc. You know. That can veer into impossible to bear. When this happens, I get angry. I get mad. I feel overwhelmed. (And then I feel bad.)</p><p></p><p>2.. There is sometimes wishful thinking, whether or not I admit it. I wish he could act like so and so. I wish he could get a job. If only, if only. We compare them to a standard. To what we had hoped for. Our dreams for them, or to the children of friends, etc. This creates longing, sadness, self-hatred, guilt, in me. (And I feel bad.)</p><p></p><p>3.. There are the expectations about myself. How I conduct myself. How I feel. What I would want to do for my son. The shoulds. "The what a good mother, would, could or should do. (And I don't....)</p><p></p><p>What I meant is that there is a reality. Otherwise known as<em> it is what it is. </em>We don't know what will be, but we know what it is now. The more that I can accept the reality right now, without judgement of myself or my son, I do much, much better. That is what I mean by back to us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 764419, member: 18958"] I think it always comes back to us. I will probably not be around when my son is 50, anyway. What I mean [I][B]by back to us[/B][/I] is this: 1. There is a reality that is located in them. About them, how they act. What they do. What they say. The manipulation. The constant barraging us for this, that. Etc. You know. That can veer into impossible to bear. When this happens, I get angry. I get mad. I feel overwhelmed. (And then I feel bad.) 2.. There is sometimes wishful thinking, whether or not I admit it. I wish he could act like so and so. I wish he could get a job. If only, if only. We compare them to a standard. To what we had hoped for. Our dreams for them, or to the children of friends, etc. This creates longing, sadness, self-hatred, guilt, in me. (And I feel bad.) 3.. There are the expectations about myself. How I conduct myself. How I feel. What I would want to do for my son. The shoulds. "The what a good mother, would, could or should do. (And I don't....) What I meant is that there is a reality. Otherwise known as[I] it is what it is. [/I]We don't know what will be, but we know what it is now. The more that I can accept the reality right now, without judgement of myself or my son, I do much, much better. That is what I mean by back to us. [/QUOTE]
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