Things have seriously deteriorated~

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Sep 18, 2008.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    My sister flipped out and I don't know what to do short of borrowing vacation time from next year, drving to PA and kidnapping my mom. Lol.

    I am cracking up. I'm tired because I can't sleep, my immune system is down and now I have a cold.

    My sister is sick and, apparently, I stand alone. Not one of my siblings is willing to speak up and stand with me. My brother is going to find a way to say something to my sister about her drinking and my one sister in WV has followed up my email with her own, in a similar vein. But the one sister here near me, the one who I initially made all the plans for my mom with, hasn't said a peep.

    I just don't know - I'm feeling so lost about things.:(
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Sorry that I haven't kept up with this, but I wanted to send support and {{HUGS}}. No advice- I hope you can get someone to help.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jo, that is so hard.
    First, get well. Really. You can't help others when you are sick.
    Second, you cannot help your sister until she is ready to help herself.
    If you want to do an intervention, I would try to get everyone on board, and that's going to be hard with-the not-a-peep sis.
    I am so, so sorry.
    Please take care of yourself.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is going to be so difficult. With this many siblings I dont know what to tell you to do when you have the split POA's except take it to the court that deals with this stuff. The health care POA should step in and decide that your mom should be in a home and she can force this issue but if she isnt willing to stand up...well...your hands are tied because all you can do is stop the money flow. Difficult difficult.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sending ((((hugs)))) Jo. I don't have experience in this area, so can't offer much help. Although if push comes to shove Janet's recommendation with court sounds good. I hope you don't have to go that route.

    But you can't do anything while sick. Let yourself get better, then you'll be up to snuff to take them on and do what's necessary.

    Such a hard position to be in.
  6. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Hugs, dear. Get well first, then worry about the other stuff. You can't help others if you can't help yourself first.

  7. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Hugs - being stuck in the RIGHT place for someone (advocating for your MOM) is not a pleasant task - and with dysfunctional siblings? OH BOY SO MUCH FUN CAN WE DO THIS AGAIN!!! (blargh I am dead)

    Save your vacation time - and gas........

    Call around and get some FREE legal advice from estate planning attorneys (i'm sure they have a fancier name than that)

    GET THAT ball rolling - and yes, make her accountable - or tell her - I"M NOT PAYING YOU A NICKLE until this is settled and there is a financial advisor.

    PERIOD! This is too much krap for one person ya know?
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Stop the money flow. That's something my brother suggested as a last resort. If PA sister has no money, she will be forced to deal with this issue. But - no one else is willing to withhold money from her. So, back to square one.

    It's just disheartening that she ended up in the one siblings' home who has the worst attitude and memory of our lives growing up. Makes me ill.

    All I keep telling myself is "Karma" and hoping that what goes around really and truly does come around.
  9. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    hmmm if you're seriously concerned about your Mom's well being, then I would call the Senior Services office and let them know your/her situation. Otherwise perhaps Mom should give your "dear" sister the POA, and sadly when all comes crashing down, you will have to clean up the mess.

    My Mom cared for her Mom for 3 years and got nothing but grief, her other sibling complained she was not managing my Gram's money correctly, and Grams started agreeing, so My Mom packed Gram up and placed her on Sib's door step with a letter reniging the POA, a year later Gram's came back to my Mom, near death, broke and terribly abused by sib. My Mom took her back and cleaned up the mess, and placed Gram in a home. Gram today believes she over reacted about sib abusing her, that it "was not that bad" (we picked her up from the hospital bruised and beaten) but it wasn't that bad???? sigh............. it's a wicked thing caring for a parent!
  10. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I wonder if you're thought of alanon? Just as a way to survive the insanity.

    I agree with the others who said your first priority is to get to feeling better.


  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many hugs, Jo. So sorry you're feeling so alone on this.
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Good news~ My local sister and I spoke last night and she is on the same page as me and she already has a long letter that will document all the emails and phone calls we've had over the past year detailing the plans and agreement. I am psyched because she completely agreed with everything I had written and said to my PA sister. It looks like things are moving forward. She wants us all (5 siblings) to meet in PA and hash it all out. That will drive my my PA sister out of her mind, but tough poopies.

    I have to tell you that I felt so much lighter of heart after I hung up with my sister - what a relief to have someone in my corner and who's being supportive. Thanks for the support, as always.

    My cold is worse, but I was able to sleep last night for the first time all week, which is a start towards feeling better soon.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad that your sister is in your corner. this makes it 2 against 1 so if the ohter sibs are not out of their gourds, you should be able to protect your mom.

    I think alanon is a very wise suggestion. If nothing else, it will help you over the rest of your mom's life if this sister tries other tricks to get $$ or possessions out of your mom.

    Just a suggestion.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Way To Go, sister!

    Tough poopies, indeed. :)

    I'm glad you got some sleep. Each day will be better.

    Keep us posted.
  15. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Get well fast.

    Glad your siblings are starting to come around.

    As financial POA, you can send your siblings all a note stating that all income needs to go into a special account and will be frozen until this is settled. Tell PA sister that she will only get reimburse for expenses that she can provide proper documentation for (including copies of checks to the home care provider) or you will write out the checks to the friend watching mom.

    Once she looses her income, she will not want the responsibility of taking care of mom and will allow you to follow through with the plans that were being put into place before this nightmare.

    GO GIRL GO!!!!