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Things not to say to a child with-autism
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 484170" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am not sure I totally agree with the list. I do agree with Terry on the ones she disagrees with. I totally disagree that "focus" should be avoided. If it is a pejorative then it should be, but telling a child to focus can be a GOOD thing. We used it as a key word to remind Wiz, thank you and even Jess and husband and I to stop and pay attention to something when it was needed. </p><p></p><p>A LOT depends on the framework that a child uses to understand the word/phrase. If something was super important, I would get to Wiz' level (or any of my kids' ) and GENTLY make them look at my face. Did not matter where we were, it let them know that I was serious, that what I had to say was important, and it helped them remember what I said. I did not yell, or say anything ugly, I just told them to look at me and pay attention. the nonverbal cues of putting a hand on each side of their face, being close but on their level (well, a bit below once they were 4-5 because if I knelt they were taller than I was!) let them really understand what I wanted. It was not ever used to punish or scold, but to give important directions (like we will be here, if you get separated from me, find an adult in this type of outfit or nametag and have them call me on the loudspeaker type directions)</p><p></p><p>I can't count how many times I have said "you need to focus on what you are doing", or how often my mom said it. From learning to eat, to dress themselves, to Wiz learning to drive and J and T learning to follow a recipe, that is NOT a dirty word or a phrase that says you are a bad person unless the adults make it mean that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 484170, member: 1233"] I am not sure I totally agree with the list. I do agree with Terry on the ones she disagrees with. I totally disagree that "focus" should be avoided. If it is a pejorative then it should be, but telling a child to focus can be a GOOD thing. We used it as a key word to remind Wiz, thank you and even Jess and husband and I to stop and pay attention to something when it was needed. A LOT depends on the framework that a child uses to understand the word/phrase. If something was super important, I would get to Wiz' level (or any of my kids' ) and GENTLY make them look at my face. Did not matter where we were, it let them know that I was serious, that what I had to say was important, and it helped them remember what I said. I did not yell, or say anything ugly, I just told them to look at me and pay attention. the nonverbal cues of putting a hand on each side of their face, being close but on their level (well, a bit below once they were 4-5 because if I knelt they were taller than I was!) let them really understand what I wanted. It was not ever used to punish or scold, but to give important directions (like we will be here, if you get separated from me, find an adult in this type of outfit or nametag and have them call me on the loudspeaker type directions) I can't count how many times I have said "you need to focus on what you are doing", or how often my mom said it. From learning to eat, to dress themselves, to Wiz learning to drive and J and T learning to follow a recipe, that is NOT a dirty word or a phrase that says you are a bad person unless the adults make it mean that. [/QUOTE]
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