Things that I don't miss while she is away

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by GuideMe, Oct 25, 2014.

  1. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    I feel like I need to write this down to remind myself of some things because I am being blinded by sadness, missing her, routing for her, and everything else. I need to remind myself of how bad things really got. I am also watching Iyanla Vanzant (love her) and she is trying to get a mothers two grown a** children to move out of the house , so I am a little inspired.

    Things I don't miss:

    Being talked down to, demeaned, cursed at, yelled at and screamed at.

    Walking around on egg shells.

    Being afraid.

    Being bullied.

    Not being able to talk on the phone in my own home because it annoys her, because my voice annoys her.

    Her embarrassing me with her loud ass voice and disturbing the neighbors.

    Her foul mouth

    Being ordered to cook for her when she is hungry and not going by normal dinner times. I am also sick of her demanding what kind of food she wants to eat or there is hell to pay. It's breaking my bank big time.

    Tired of her flat out lying and rewriting history about what really happened. Such as, No, I am not responsible for you leaving high school. YOU did that. So much more

    The LIES.

    The manipulation


    Being bothered every time I go out with phone calls.

    This one is a BIG one: Coming and going when she pleases. She has done this since 16 years old. Leaves at all hours of the night and comes home at all hours of the night. DONE WITH THAT.

    Being blamed for everything.

    Her sense of everything that is mine is hers. She constantly tells me everything that I have is NOT mine. That it's the governments, so on and so forth so there for she doesn't need to respect me or my stuff at all.

    Not being able to talk to her when I want to talk to her. Only when she's good darn well and ready. That's got to stop today. You don't tell me I can't talk in my own home.

    The threats

    The police coming

    Worrying about the police coming because of her extremely loud voice and constant cursing

    Being abused

    Being afraid in my home

    Being afraid of my own daughter

    Being afraid
  2. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Good for you. You should print that out and put it where you can see it whenever you think about letting her back in.

    Get angry!

    How DARE she bully you? How DARE she threaten you? How DARE she tell you you can't TALK in your own home! How DARE she ORDER you to do ANYTHING! SHE needs special food on her own schedule? Eff that!

    You raised her, fed her and kept a roof over her head to adulthood! She can darn well cook for herself or get a job and buy her own food if she doesn't like what you buy!

    Get angry. Stay angry! YOU have done more than you should and put up with more than you should! Stay strong.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Print out numerous copies of your list and post them everywhere in your home, so that when your mind wants to rewrite it's own history and believe you are to blame and there might have been something you could've done, you will be faced with the truth at every turn. Until you believe it. Hang in there GM. It will improve. Stay the course.
  4. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    I could make my own list, GuideMe, but I don't want to hijack your thread. This could be a new thread! Life without a difficult child living with you is much better than the alternative.

    Please don't let her back into your home. Change the locks. Call the social worker at the hospital and let her know that difficult child needs a place to live.
  5. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    Please go ahead, make the list, it helps me feel like I am not alone! I don't mind at all

    And thank you so very much.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Here's an assignment for you ;) Not really, but I think it will give you perspective.

    What is it you ENJOY about her when she is living with you? See if you can come up with enough things that make it a worthwhile living situation. It may open your eyes :)
  7. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    GuideMe, I think this is wonderful. I keep my list handy and even have a timetable of incidents. It's a real eye opener how LONG time can seem where difficult child is concerned. So much high drama that I feel surely took months and months...turns out was only a couple of weeks. Like living in dog years or something.