think i have to quit job?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Feb 5, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi to all,

    i think it's gotten to the point where i need to leave my job. my little difficult child who will be 9 has more or less controlled my life which isn't her fault, yet her needs outweight my ability to get to my job.

    it is a 2 hour drive from our home, and an hour or a half train ride away. unfortunately i'm a parlegal and most of my work is time sensitive so the balls been dropping alot. my boss is great yet i can't seem to get here enough. i'm not making enough, so by the time i spend sitter money, train tickets, lunch we figured total to be alot.

    i'm afraid to do this because it is the one constant in my life for past 5 years. i've thought of leaving before wehn things with her got tough yet always stuck it out. yet it seems now that it's causing me alot of stress trying to get there everyday and adding to the stress i already have dealing wiht her docs, etc.

    i'm also afraid because boyfriend and i aren't on wonderful terms it's been a bumpty road, i think partially from stress of situation wtih difficult child and older difficult child who is 15 and also just him certain major changes he needs to make etc. for it to work.

    yet he says my stress level every morning is pretty severe between trying to get little one out door and trying to get to office. he thinks by me getting more local job i can pretty much bring in the same amt. and be less stressed closer to difficult child both of them.

    i feel in my heart it's the right thing to do yet i'm petrified and so afraid of making a bad choice relying on him, etc. yet i'm already relying on him i pay none of the bills he's handling all of it so i can swing for the new testing at columbia payments are working out to be 1,000 a mos. they just emailed over payment agreement.

    so yup i've got alot going on like most of us i've been having rough time the job is adding to it to be honest. my head's not here i can't keep up with it all anymore. my paycheck is pathetic every two weeks after i pay sitter go food shopping buy train ticket. this mornign had to drive 2 hours here becaue there were train delays.

    what do you guys think? i've come to truly appreciate your opinions on various things the supports been great thanks by the way

    jen :)
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You need to weigh this and decide for yourself what is right for you, of course. My gut feeling for you is that this would be a mistake. If you absolutely can't concentrate on work or can't get there, then discuss taking a couple of weeks leave of absence. Don't burn a bridge and I really think if I were you, I would not quit outright.
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    When my difficult child was 10, I had to make some alterations to my work schedule so I could get her on & off the bus each day. The daycare situation was not working out for us anymore.

    I approached my boss and told him what was going on and what changes I needed to make in my schedule. I didn't tell him, but in my head I was prepared to be let go because mine was a full time job.

    My boss surprised me by making my hours flexible and allowing me to work from home. The company even paid for the cost of putting pcAnywhere on my computer so I could hook up to the office server (there are more advanced ways of doing this now). I cried I was relieved and pleased. After a few years I was able to go back to my old schedule. It was those early to middle years that difficult child really needed this change.

    I don't know what you do for a living or how flexible your company is in it's schedule policies, but is there a person/manager/HR person you could discuss this with who would be willing to work with you? I remember being so afraid to be put into a position where I was more reliant on H (then boyfriend) - I really enjoy having my independence, etc., like most people. There are a lot of federal laws that protect families who have to care for a child or elderly parent, depending on the size of the company. Also, you can check with your local Labor Department office and see what your rights are. But most of all, simply discussing it with a manager, etc., may be the best way to find a resolution that works for all of you. Best of luck. I know its so frustrating to be in the position!
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member


    thing is i did all that already the past two years. i've already taken a leave for entire summer, i've already done the cut hours thing. so i've tried every way possible of making it work.

    the problem is the severe distance 2 hour drive or 3 hours commuting on train when no delays.

    so they are kinda feeling like i'm going to go, they don't want me to but i can't track my older difficult child who will be 15 and who is failing school and disappearing after school everyday we're not home, then the little one with tons of issues as you all know......

    so if i can find local job even only ten an hour or so off books i'd be making same minus all the expenses i'm encountering now.

  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    quick question,

    why do you feel it would be a mistake?
  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    It sounds to me like you're looking for someone to say it's okay.

    If you'll be bringing home the same amount because you won't have any of the travel costs, then do it.

    It sounds like the advantages of working closer to home will benefit everyone. I like the idea that you'll also be around for the older one.

    It's okay, jennifer - if you think you can make it work, then go for it. And you don't have to burn bridges...leave the door open just in case it doesn't work out.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Similar to what I think JoG was trying to say- even if your job isn't the greatest, it gives you a sense of "self". This might not seem important when you're thinking all the time about difficult child issues, but it is important to have some part of your "own" life. I don't think- but I could be wrong as I don't walk in your shoes- that it would help you in the long run to give up the only thing you are doing independently.
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thanks. see that was my point too. yet when i look at the amount of stress on a daily basis i am incurring it is a bit overwhelming to say the least.

    between stress over her in a.m. then trying Occupational Therapist (OT) catch trains, etc. like today went to two train statoins to find a train with-o delay then had to jump on highway and drive two hours. got in at eleven and have to leave in half hour and yes posting on here......LOL.

    seriously though my paychks quite bad i'm spending what it takes to get me here.........hence spinning wheels on sand.

    i think i am here more for me sense of self the title responsibility. tha'Tourette's Syndrome not right though i don't think when its causing me stress that's lapping over onto kids, right?
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    2 funny i used to not be like this. your right i am looking for an okay. i'm just scared of making mistake right now is all. i really am.
  10. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Don't bet on working off the books. First of all, it is illegal. Second, you get paid less when working under the table. Third, you'll have to buy your benefits yourself and they don't come cheap.

    I understand your stress but your best bet would probably be to find a job closer to home and not quit this one until you find a new one. Like you, I commuted a minimum of 3 hours a day. I finally threw in the towel and became self-employed. I don't regret it but it wasn't easy. The stress was actually higher because I didn't know what I would be making from month to month and the expenses were the same whether I had a work that month or not.

    The legal field is not an easy one to do from home. Do you have your certificate? What is your field? Those are all factors to consider in working from home. Some fields are easier to convert into a home-based business than others. Your level of expertise makes a difference, too.

    Basically, don't make this decision until you have your facts together. Make sure you will have enough clients to make it feasible to work out of your home. Look to see what jobs there are available near you. Not all attorneys practice in the cities -- many happily have smaller offices in the burbs and might be interested in hiring a good paralegal on a part-time basis. Put together three or four of these and you might have a job that pays as much as your previous one and relieves a lot of your stress.
  11. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    The comute would kill me.....don't know how you lasted this long.....but then I have aways lived in smaller cities with little or no public transportation. I'm with the others in checking out what might be available, closer. Get a new job before you quit your old one. Can't imagine you couldn't find paralegal work closer to home.......I would think many attorneys would be glad to hire you for a few hours if you don't want full time......
    I would certainly be putting "feelers" out for paralegal work in your area, maybe half hour commute tops???? Is that possible to find? Good luck in whatever you decide, but as long as you have help with most expenses, I would think now would be a good time to do this......
  12. Jena

    Jena New Member


    thanks for the thoughts and advice as always greatly appreciated. i made a few calls today and actually got a file to start working on from home. have to go buy laptop this weekend and fax, etc. i do estate administration work. i already sent my email to salon in town they were looking for 3 dy week person to run shop. and inbetween dealing with major screw up iwth my difficult child's upcoming evaluation that just got cancelled.

    all in all i'Tourette's Syndrome alot to say the least.

    my boyfriend this morning planted me again sat down went thru pros and cons of it all with-me adn said your stress level is increased tremendously by this job. stop being afraid to loose it, find another one first then quit this one. he keeps pushing don't worry about money your not paying any bills now so what's the difference yet i'm scared i guess to rely on him so very much. we've been thru alot him and i in a short time his mistakes difficult child's pressure. i never realized regardless of our own interpesonal issues that a difficult child can wreak havoc on a relationship. shes' in our bed every night with-issues, etc. he deals with it well but it is let's just say frustrating.
  13. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    My unworthy 2 cents would be this. Do NOT give up a job when you think you are on the rocks. You need some sort of stability.

    I could not do the commute. I totally understand that. Look for a job while you're still employed. It might help the tension at home. If still have a job.

  14. Jena

    Jena New Member


    tha'Tourette's Syndrome exactly what i'm doing. i'm going to look for work while i have this job still. stability for me or rather us is thing of past it seems.